Tears don't fall
by RoseandThorns
Summary: Four years ago Atemu let a secret slip. He didn't expect his friends to act like they did. Now Yugi,Jou and the gang are of to find their missing friend. All knowing that he might not come home to them. Love's never easy. Accepting apologies isn't either.
1. Fall from grace

Hi everyone. This is my new fanfic, my other one 'My love do not bleed' is on hold. Any feed back is appreciated and will be taken on board. So give your opinion and tell if you want it to continue. Love you all

Disclaimer: Own no one execpt Kyle and friends.

Song: Tears don't fall- Bullet for my Valintine.

Everybody's Fool- Evanesence.

* * *

Tears don't fall.

Atemu

Fall from Grace

Wrapping my split knuckle in a pristine bandage Grandpa sighed dramatically. I rolled my eyes, gingerly touching my busted lip. Everyone made such a big deal out of the swings I got at the bully. Teachers made it sound as though I'd killed him. But other than a few bruises he'd be fine. No lasting injuries. I'm good, but I'm not barbaric. I can moderate the force behind my blows. Tired of his usual victims, he turned to me to torment. At first I ignored him, Yugi standing close to me, asking me to keep my cool. I kept it up until he decided it would be fun to trip me up. I landed gracefully, sighed and slammed my fist unforgiving into his spotted, ugly face. Yugi wasn't there so I didn't care. He hit the floor instantly, wildly punching up, that flaying hand catching my lip. The skin separated instantly, blood flowing out and I hit him again. Full of rage, hurt, confusion and a million other emotions that had nothing to do with him I was unstoppable. It took Mr Andrews, Jou and Seto to get me off the whimpering, pathetic child on the floor. Held in their iron grip, I regarded the boy I'd just beaten up and felt oddly satisfied. Everyone else was shocked into silence, usually I'm quiet. I'm not an attention seeker but I will fight for what I believed in. Right then, I believed the boy before me deserved to be taken down a peg or two. Humiliation seemed like a good idea. Still burning with anger I turned around and spat an insult at Mr Andrews, my sweaty PE teacher. I can't remember the exact words used, but I'm sure it wasn't pleasant. He went red faced and nearly wrenched my arm of dragging me to the principal's office. School called home. Grandpa picked me up from school, anger on his face. That's how I ended up here. Sat in the kitchen, bandages and a bowl of crimson tinted water on the table. A very annoyed man opposite me.

"Yami. What on earth was going through your head when you hit that boy?" He asked

"It's Atemu." I corrected

"_Atemu_. Answer the question."

"I was provoked. I merely protected myself."

"If he had hit you I would've brought that. He tripped you up and threw a few weak insults at you. You had no right to hit him. You could've hurt him." He patronised me. I growled and ripped my hand away from him, leaving the bandage trailing.

"Sure, THAT time he tripped me up and insulted me. NEXT time HE could've punched ME. Then you would be asking me why I didn't defend myself. I would only be able to answer that I didn't want to do him injury and I would rather myself was hurt than a boy trying to be a man. WHEN the knife came, you would want me to say 'please, put the knife down and let's discuss this like civilised human beings' and when he stabs me I'll say 'Oh darn. At least I tried to defuse the situation through words. My family must be so pleased that I remained just in my final act and the boy wasn't hurt. Now, no one knows he did it AND he can go on to stab someone else. But that doesn't matter! Because he's walking around without a scratch on him!"

"Atemu. Calm down!"

"Would you rather I was hurt? Is that what you wanted? Want me to go back and say 'Hi. Yes it's the guy who beat you up. Fancy a swing? Make my family proud."

"Atemu!"

"Believe me. I had no intentions of seriously harming the boy. My anger ran away with me and I couldn't control it."

"Yes. I see that." Grandpa took my hand again, smoothing the fabric over the swollen joints "You know full well that I don't want to see you hurt. You and Yugi are the two most important people to me. I am pleased that you were able to defend yourself but I still think you should've been able to restrain yourself better than you did. I do not want to be called back to the school because you've been involved in a fight and insulted the teachers."

"Yes sir."

He sighed and let go of my hand. I hastily placed it in my lap, wincing as I bit down on my tender lip. I didn't look up, allowing my body to slump. I had no energy left to smile and hold myself proud and regal.

"Atemu, you seem very depressed lately. You're getting into trouble more often at school. I've found the detention slips that you've forged my signature on. You're very good at it. At home you spend a lot of your time in your room, your music is...how shall I put it...deep. You hardly talk to Jou and the others anymore. You're even spending less time with Yugi. What's going on?"

"School doesn't agree with me."

"Fine. School isn't for everyone. What about Yugi and friends?"

"I don't feel much like socialising anymore."

"Why?"

"I don't fit in anymore. Never did."

"Why not?"

"Just don't."

-Flashback-

Sitting quietly outside Yugi's room, I had my heart in my mouth. Jou was with him, discussing school. They hadn't included me in their conversation, choosing instead to hurry into Yugi's room. I have to admit that hurt, I felt replaced. But I lingered outside, I had wanted to show Yugi how my writing had improved. Wanted him to be proud of me. But leaning against his door, clutching my school note book, I wished I'd never had the idea.

"Hey, Jou. You hear about that guy? The one who openly admitted he was gay?" Yugi asked, his usually innocent voice was coloured with distaste.

"No. What happened?"

"Someone called him a faggot and he lost it. Something along the lines of 'Yes, I love another boy. Is that really so wrong?' Everyone went mad. I heard he got beaten up and had to leave school because of bullying."

"Ouch. Well...he shouldn't say that in school."

"Exactly what I thought. Announce it like that and people will talk."

"What do you think about gays?"

"Well...I don't like it. It does seem wrong. I can't imagine kissing another boy."

"I know. Yeesh. At least our friends are straight. Wouldn't know what to do, if one of them wasn't."

"They'd be treated differently, that much I know."

I didn't wait around any longer. I left them alone. My mind a lot cloudier. My heart heavier. An almost unbearable weight on my shoulders.

-End Flashback-

"This isn't a healthy attitude you've got now."Grandpa informed me, snapping me out of the past. I scowled "Tomorrow, you're going to school and apologising to Mr Andrews. You will also find the boy you beat up and apologise."

"I will do nothing of the sort. All right, Mr Andrews didn't deserve it, I recognise I was wrong there. But I will not apologise to that bully when he started it. Because of me he won't hurt anyone else. You want me to give him back his power?"

"Power! Atemu! This has nothing about power! You hurt a boy much weaker than you, someone who doesn't have you abilities. It-."

"MY ABILITIES HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT! I WOULD NEVER USE MY SHADOW MAGIC AGAINST ANOTHER PERSON! I WON'T EVEN USE IT AGAINST BAKURA OR MALIK! HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF THAT!"

"A-Atemu!" Grandpa stammered

"I would never endanger another person with my !"

"Atemu! All right! I believe you."

I calmed, fists I didn't remember clenching uncurled. I was surprised at the uncontrolable anger flaming through me. The link was noticably silent, strained, afraid. I shrugged away the fact that Yugi had been affected by my anger and that shocked me further.

"Atemu,you're becoming hard to deal with. I can't understand why you're so angry. You keep pushing us away. I don't know what to do." Grandpa sighed, steepling his fingers over his nose.

Those were the words that left his mouth but not the words I heard.

"I don't want you here. You're a burden. So uncontrolable and wild. I'm just thinking of an excuse to kick you out."

These were the words I heard. I leant back in the chair, folding my arms over my chest.

"I'm so sorry, _Mr Mouto._Forgive me for being so thoughtless." I sneered

"Enough of that attitude young man. Don't be immature."

I gave an undignified snort and showed him how immature I could be. I let lose a string of egyptian curses, he understood every word and I worked hard to keep the smug smirk of my face. A cold, netural mask fixed itself to my face. It fitted perfectly, moulded to the shape of my face, I felt no need to remove it. I shoved my chair back and rose from the table. Grandpa followed my movements rising when I did. I darted for the stairs, shooting into my bedroom and slamming the door behind me. Grandpa's fists hammered against the door moments later, drilling my resentment and confusion into me. The heavy paper weight on my desk was suddenly hurled toward the door before I even realised it was in my hand.

"ATEMU! OPEN THIS DOOR! WE NEED TO TALK!" Grandpa hollered

"Leave me alone!"

"I won't until we talk!"

"Go away, you fool!"

The hands retreated and I squashed down my guilt relentlessly. When the old man's footsteps echoed against the stairs, I threw myself onto my bed. Growling, I flipped myself onto my stomach and dug down the side of my bed, retriving my note book. Words seemed to be the only way to express myself now. I wished I had it in school today. I iched for it, Iwas tempted to use my school exercise book. But I didn't. I snatched a pen from the floor, pouring over the words appearing on the page in fury and uncertinaty.

_With blood shot eyes I watch you sleeping  
The warmth I feel beside me is slowly fading  
Would she hear me if I calls her name?  
Would she hold me if she knew my shame?_

There's always something different going wrong  
The path I walk's in the wrong direction  
There's always someone fucking hanging on  
Can anybody help me make things better?

Your tears don't fall  
They crash around me  
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home  
Your tears don't fall  
They crash around me  
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home

The moments died, I hear no screaming  
The visions left inside me are slowly fading  
Would she hear me if I calls her name?  
Would she hold me if she knew my shame?

There's always something different going wrong  
The path I walk's in the wrong direction  
There's always someone fucking hanging on  
Can anybody help me make things better?

Your tears don't fall  
They crash around me  
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home  
Your tears don't fall  
They crash around me  
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home

Oh! Yeah!

This battered room I've seen before  
The broken bones they heal no more, no more  
With my last breath I'm choking  
Will this ever end I'm hoping  
My world is over one more time

Lets go

Would she hear me if i called her name?  
Would she hold me, if she knew my shame?

There's always something to be going wrong  
The path I walk's in the wrong direction  
There's always someone fucking hanging on  
Can anybody help me make things better?

Your tears don't fall  
They crash around me  
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home  
Your tears don't fall [tears don't fall]  
They crash around me  
Her conscience calls the guilty to come  
Better!

Your tears don't fall they crash around me  
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home.

My mind wondered and the pen fell limp. I drifted into uneasy slumber.

The front door slamming stirred me back into consciousness. I glanced at the clock, school was over. Yugi was home. My second lecture was due. Their raised voices reached me with a furious passion.

"Grandpa? What's wrong with you?"

"Atemu was sent home early today. He started a fight with a boy."

"Oh, dear."

"The boy wasn't badly hurt. I tried to calm him but I think I only made the problem worse. He turned everything against me."

"I'm sure he didn't mean to upset you."

"He knew exactly what he was doing. God, he's so angry and bitter. I'm at the end of my tether! How am I supposed to cope with him if he's expelled?"

I didn't listen anymore. I pounded down the stairs, making my presence known, the voices stopped immediately. I glanced at Yugi as I headed for the door. He was still in his uniform, shirt messily tucked in, backpack thrown in one corner. Something in me ached for him but I turned it down. Emotions have no home in a Pharaoh. I continued for the door.

"Yami! Wait!" Yugi cried.

I turned slightly "It's Atemu."

He paused, surprise lighting up his eyes. I took the opportunity to close the door in his face.

It was late when I returned home. I dropped my keys on the table and headed to the fridge, pulling out a bar of chocolate and a can of beer. Closing the door revealed two furious amethyst eyes. I met them with a steely gaze, unblinking, emotionless. Just how I was supposed to be.

"Yes?" I questioned, breaking the seal on the can and lifting it to my lips.

"Where did you go?"

"Out."

"Why?"

"I wanted too."

"Meet anyone?"

"What is this, twenty questions?"

He scowled at me; I leant back against the counter, watching Yugi trying to throw an insult back at me.

"You upset Grandpa, you know?"

"I am aware of that. I heard the conversation you had earlier."

"Why did you start that fight?"

"I didn't start it, I finished it."

"How'd you get that?"

"I have explained it to your grandfather. I was provoked and I could not control my anger."

"That's crap and you know it."

"What do you mean by that?"

"You're evil and harsh!"

His words hurt me a lot but outwardly I expressed no emotion. I let nothing past. The mind link wasn't fooled and a tremble of guilt rattled toward me. I gave a vicious shove at the emotion and slammed the link shut. Yugi's eyes betrayed his hurt.

"And you're useless." I snarled

The words spoken by both of us, hung in the air between us. With his head bowed, Yugi turned away from me. Ah, there was that familiar emotion. Loneliness, my old friend.

-Flashback-

There was two of them, two hikari's. Hidden from Bakura but not from me. Surrounded by trees and bushes, laughing children darted about, innocent and free. There was me, shrouded in darkness and shadows.

"Is something the matter, Yugi?" Ryou asked gently

A deep sigh erupted from the smaller boy. "It's Yami."

"What about him?"

"He's so....different. Sometimes it's like I'm talking to a brick wall! He just doesn't care."

That hurt....a lot. A branch I didn't remember grasping snapped in my hand. The fractured end dug into my palm. I threw it away from me in disgust.

"He's difficult, isn't he?"

"Yeah. Unpredictable."

There's a third memory burned into me. Things that I could've lived without but things I chose not to.

A boy and a girl, framed by the dying sunlight. The shadows had already reached me, my blood eyes hidden.

"I swear, that boy!" Anzu fumed

"Who?"

"_Pharaoh Atemu_, he's so unreliable!"

Yugi nodded. "I know he is. He's changed his name! A few weeks ago he was Yami!"

"Even Bakura's more reliable than him!"

"Yeah."

"Well, there's one thing you gotta admire."

"What's that?"

"He turned down death."

I think then....when they were trying to change me....was when I really started to rebel.

-End flashback-

The next morning, sleep had not come to me. The entire night, sleep had evaded me, danced on the edge of my pillow and come within teasing distance but it was ungraspable. I slipped downstairs earlier than usual. I sat in the dimly lit living room, dressed in black, watching the figures on the TV prance across the screen. Turning slightly, I caught my reflection in the mirror. Pale skin, soulless red eyes and heavy dark circles under them. Just a phantom. Mr Mouto and Yugi trooped downstairs, each giving me glares. I ignored them, trying to lose myself in the program. A bowl of water logged, mushy cereal was set in front of me. I shoved it away from me without even a glance, there was an exasperated sigh and the bowl was removed.

"Stubborn ass." Yugi whispered under his breath

"Brat." I shot back

His expression almost made me apologise.....almost. He sat down opposite me, with a scowl on his face. Grandpa hurried around, grabbing objects and shoving them into his bag.

"I'm going to the museum boys. Have a good day at school. Atemu, behave."

I nodded in response. Yugi bounded to the door and waved goodbye to his grandfather. He returned to stand in front of me, arms folded across his chest. He regarded each other with hostile glares.

"What happened to you, Atemu?" He whispered

I shrugged, never taking my eyes of the TV.

"I give up! You're a nightmare!"

"That I am."

The doorbell rang and Yug jumped up to answer it.

"Hi, Jou!"

"Hey, Yugi."

"Let's go to school."

"What about Atemu?"

"He wants to walk on his own."

"Is he sure?"

"Yes, he's sure. Let's go."

"All right."

Then, they were gone. I turned the TV of with a frustrated growl. I left the house, with no intentions of going to school. They'd be angry. But what they know can't hurt them.

I prowled the streets, paying no notice to my ringing phone. Shop windows and people passed like a daydream. I could pin down nothing. There was nothing! Without thinking about it, I slipped down onto a bench and bowed my head. I felt the gentle presence of someone sitting beside me. But I pushed that away.

"You look like a man on a mission." A faintly accented voice said

I turned to meet the green eyes of a man a few years older than me. I leant away from him but felt that I could trust him. Slung over one shoulder was a guitar. He was surprisingly handsome.

"Yeah. Something like that." I answered

"I'm Kyle." He extended his hand

I grasped his hand "Atemu."

"Nice."

I nodded. He slid the strap of his shoulder and stretched out beside me.

"How old are you, kid?" He asked, running his gaze over me

"Seventeen." I answered, shifting uncomfortably under his gaze.

"Shouldn't you be in school?"

"Don't like school. It's a waste of my time."

"Agree with you there."

I chuckled.

"Cute and badass." He mumbled

I smiled, relaxing. He nodded in approval.

"You seem so tense. It's not right for such a young man."

"Yeah."

"Something on your mind?"

"If there was, I wouldn't tell you."

"Why not?"

"I just met you. You could be a madman for all I know."

"Very wise."

"I don't take sweets from strangers either." I joked, watching his reaction carefully.

His eyes lit up at my rather weak joke.

"Not even from attractive, rather cocky strangers?"

"Especially from attractive, cocky strangers."

He laughed. "You're all right, kid."

"You play?" I pointed to his guitar

"Yup. Part time in a club."

"Can I hear?"

"Do I get paid?"

"If I like it."

"Fair enough."

He pulled the instrument toward him, strumming the strings. A melody I didn't know sounded out around us. I found myself humming along to it.

"Nice." He commented

I gave a small smile. I glanced down at my watch and sighed.

"I gotta go." I said hesitantly.

"Oh, all right then."

I turned to walk away.

"Hang on." He seized a pen and grabbed my hand. He hurriedly wrote a series of number on my hand. "My number. Call me. Even if you just need to talk."

"I'll consider it."

I rose and left, walking back toward the house. Back to where my heart was lying shredded at a small boy's feet.

"ATEMU –WHATEVER-YOUR-LAST-NAME-IS-! GET HERE RIGHT NOW!" Kiaba shouted

The front door hadn't even had the chance to close. I groaned, shoving my inky hand in my pocket. I strode toward them, with my head held high and pride beside me. I got a shock when I entered the living room and came across Yugi, Jou and Kiaba.

"Sit right there Mr." Jou growled

Wordlessly, I crept across and sat where he pointed. I kept my face carefully neutral.

"Is there something you want?"

"I'll say." Jou mumbled

"Oh yeah?"

"I know that you cut class today. No one knew where you are." Kiaba informed me.

"And?"

"Why?"

"Does there have to be a reason?"

"Of course!"

"Fine, ok. How's this? I didn't want to go in, because it is a waste of time."

"Atemu." Yugi groaned "You're not eating or sleeping either. What's wrong with you?"

"Absolutely nothing."

"You know I don't believe you."

"I'm fully aware of that. But there is nothing wrong with me."

Yugi grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him, funny; I didn't even remember turning away. He looked straight into my eyes, while I tried to avoid his.

"Please, stop lying to me. What wrong?" He asked

"It's you." I whispered

"What?"

"Oh, make sense. You senile old Pharaoh!" Kiaba snarled

I winced, before anger grew in me like a wild thing. I looked back up and the lights flickered.

"It's you! All of you! You don't talk to me but you think I can't hear!" I yelled. There was stunned silence, while I continued to yell. "You don't even think about what I want! You call me all the names you can think off and HOPE I don't hear! You just don't care!"

"Atemu." Yugi gasped "I don't understand you."

"God damnit, Yugi! I love you!"

The words left my mouth and I wanted to die.

There was three stunned faces looking at me, Yugi's face was paling rapidly and I couldn't look at him.

"Atemu....I...we...no...but..."

I never saw Jou's fist ploughing toward me. I felt it though; it knocked me off balance and sent me crashing into the glass top table. It shattered beneath me, slicing my jaw and neck. I gave a cry of shock as blood started to weep from the cuts. Jou grabbed my shirt collar, yanking me toward him.

"Faggot." He growled before letting me fall back to the table.

He grabbed hold of Yugi and Kiaba and headed toward the door. I did nothing to stop them. I couldn't even pick myself up from the floor. They left and the slamming door rippled through me. Grandpa returned home and gasped as he came across me sitting in what used to be his glass table. I couldn't even look at him. He dabbed at my neck, mumbling kind words, calling me clumsy.

"Only you could fall over a table." He mumbled.

I didn't retort. I was dead inside.

"Thank you Mr Mouto." He seemed to realise that I didn't call him that out of spite. It was out of shame.

He was finished, I ran upstairs. Humiliation and anger burning through me. Hurt made the link slam shut. There was a buzzing in my mind but I put that down to a ringing in my head. I threw myself down, face first onto the bed, tugging a pillow over my head. How could I have been so stupid? HOW?! In a moment of panic, I grabbed my mobile and dialled Kyle's number.

"Hello, Kyle Birch speaking."

"Kyle? It's Atemu."

"Hey, kid. What's up?"

"I've done a really silly thing and I don't know how to make it better."

"Slow down, Até. Right, now explain to me what you've done."

"Oh, you're gonna hate me, but they hate me here, so I have nothing to lose."

"Stop it. Tell me what you've done and I'll make my own mind up."

"I told my friend that I loved them."

"And?"

"He's a guy. Our-his- other friends were round and they were yelling at me and I lost it. One of them hit me and....oh god...what do I do?"

"Easy. It's all right. I don't hate you. Someone hit you? Oh Até, I'm sorry. Only you can decide what you're going to do."

".....I can't stay here. But I have nowhere to go too."

"Come with me. I'm leaving town anyway. Gonna hit the road and find a new place. Wanna come?"

Did I actually have a place here anymore? No. Not anymore.

"YES!"

"All right, let's blow this joint! Meet you at the bench, ok?"

"Be there in a few hours!"

"Awesome. Oh and Atemu....I would never hate you because of that."

"Thank you."

"No problem."

He hung up and quickly so did I. Yugi returned and ignored me. Swiftly my plan was set into action. I crept into Yugi's room; he'd dozed off, lounging on his bed. I allowed myself a small smile. I walked slowly toward him, hesitant, afraid.

"Goodbye, Yugi. Always my aibou."

I leant forward and briefly touched my lips to his. Then I left. The puzzle and a fresh sheet of song lyrics were left on my desk.

I should cry........ But tears don't fall.

_Perfect by nature  
Icons of self indulgence  
Just what we all need  
More lies about a world that_

Never was and never will be  
Have you no shame? Don't you see me?  
You know you've got everybody fooled

Look here she comes now  
Bow down and stare in wonder  
Oh how we love you  
No flaws when you're pretending  
But now I know she

Never was and never will be  
You don't know how you've betrayed me  
And somehow you've got everybody fooled

Without the mask, where will you hide?  
Can't find yourself lost in your lie

I know the truth now  
I know who you are  
And I don't love you anymore

It Never was and never will be  
You don't know how you've betrayed me  
And somehow you've got everybody fooled

It never was and never will be  
You're not real and you can't save me  
Somehow now you're everybody's fool


	2. Unexpected consequences

Hi people! Ok, misunderstandings outta the way and I'm going for it! I like this story and I'm going to continue with it. I love you guys!!! Thank you for your reviews, means the world to me.

This is a short chapter, just Yugi's POV, showing how he deals when he realises Atemu has left. Lots of guilt! Sorry, chapter done quickly and probaly very badly.

* * *

Yugi.

Unexpected consequences

Sleep came uneasily that night. I was...almost haunted by Atemu's words. I honestly hadn't known how to react to him. Jou had got there first and let his fists say his words. I was....frightened.....ashamed.

When the veil of sleep lifted from me in the morning, my lips tingled. It was a pleasant, yet odd feeling. I couldn't work out why. It was almost like something warm and soft had been pressed so tenderly to them. In an effort not to wake me, it had worked, I'd never felt it. Until now. But, it left despair in its wake.

Something was very wrong. I just didn't know what.

Slowly through my sleep muddled mind I realised, I felt empty inside. Like something important was missing. A part of my soul was absent from the house. I scrabbled to my feet, still dressed in my pyjamas and hurried to Atemu's room. He wasn't there. The bed was made, his clothes folded neatly away. Panic grew in me as I dashed down the stairs.

"Atemu! Where are you?" I called

"Yugi?" Grandpa answered from the kitchen. I threw myself through the doorway, praying Atemu was there. He wasn't. Just Grandpa, holding cutlery. "What's wrong?"

"Atemu! Have you seen him?"

"Not since last night. He had a nasty gash on his face. Wouldn't talk to me."

"He was hurt?"

"Yes. You didn't notice?"

"No. Oh, god! Help me look for him!"

Grandpa didn't understand none the less he put the utensils down and hurried outside into the shop. I sprinted back upstairs, darting into every room. My room, Grandpa's, the bathroom and back to Atemu's own room. He wasn't there. He was no where! The emptiness was growing inside me and the world became a little too light. I squinted, had things always been this bright? It kind of hurt, stinging my eyes like the glare of sunlight.

Why?

I could hear Grandpa downstairs, shouting for Atemu with an ever panicking voice. My voice was joining his in panic, shooting through an octave.

"Atemu! Answer me!" I called "Please!"

"Yugi, he isn't here." Grandpa said softly

"But he has to be. Where else could he be?"

"He was upset last night. Would he have gone somewhere?"

"I...I....I know! I'll call around!"

"Good. I'll look in the shop again."

I was already at the phone before he was out the door. Jou's number sprang to my mind and my fingers stabbed at the numbers.

"Jou speaking."

"Jou! Have you seen Atemu?"

He snorted "Not since yesterday. Nice bruise?" I thought for a moment he sounded faintly guilty.

"Get over it! He's gone missing!"

"You sure? Probably sulking somewhere."

"JOU! No! The link is broken. I'm sure he's done it!"

"The mind link? Isn't he tied to it?"

"Apparently not. I....The Puzzle!"

I dropped the phone, forgetting to hang up. The puzzle sat gleaming on his desk. I let out a small wail as I brought it to my chest, cradling it.

No.....

This was so wrong.

I trekked back to the phone, pressing the hard plastic form to my ear.

"Yug! Are you there?"

"I'm here."

"What happened? Did he come back?"

"No...He left the puzzle behind."

"Really?!

"Yeah....what have I done?"

"I'm coming round!"Jou declared

He hung up and the phone slide from my cold fingers.

"I am so sorry Atemu. My Yami."

He didn't respond. He was gone.

"Yugi?" Grandpa asked hesitantly. I turned to him, I could see it. How guilty he felt.

I opened my hands and showed him the puzzle. His face went solemn and his eyes shimmered. I could see his thoughts, tearing him apart.

Why....?

How had things gotten this far......?

"Yugi? What happened last night?"

Bile rose in my throat, trying to get around the sudden lump that had formed in my windpipe. My hands shook and I clasped the cold puzzle like a life raft.

"He said he loved me. I couldn't answer him. Jou hit him, he fell onto the table, that must've been why he was bleeding. Jou insulted him and then we left. I was too confused to face him when I came back. I didn't know he was hurt! I didn't!"

"Sssh! Yugi, I know. I know." Grandpa folded his arms around me. "I'm sure he knows too."

Did he really? I was such a jerk to him yesterday. I didn't even dream he was hurting.

Jou must've run to get here, his chest was heaving and his face was flushed. I thought I saw panic and fear in his eyes. I pulled him inside at the same time that Seto's limo pulled up. I blinked in surprise but ushered him inside as well. Jou didn't even ask, he was up the stairs and in Atemu's room before I could breathe, Seto close behind him. The room was hauntingly empty without Atemu; I waited to see him jump out with a smirk and a cocky reply. But he didn't. Tears were stinging my eyes, I was in shock before, adrenalin pulsing through me but now, I just wanted to cry. I wanted Atemu back, he was always there for me, even when he was hurt, he protected me. Was I now going to have to fight without him? I don't want to do that.

"Yugi. Look." Seto's voice was uncertain.

I took the paper of him, noticing vaguely as he riffled through the scribbled pages on Atemu's desk.

_21/11/09_

_Please, please forgive me,  
But I won__'__t be home again.  
Maybe someday you__'__ll have woke up,  
And, barely conscious, you__'__ll say to no one:  
"isn__'__t something missing? "_

You won_'__t cry for my absence, I know -  
You forgot me long ago.  
Am I that unimportant...?  
Am I so insignificant...?  
Isn__'__t something missing?  
Isn__'__t someone missing me?_

Even though I_'__d be sacrificed,  
You won__'__t try for me, not now.  
Though I'd die to know you love me,  
I__'__m all alone.  
Isn__'__t someone missing me?_

Please, please forgive me,  
But I won_'__t be home again.  
I know what you do to yourself,  
Shudder deep and cry out:  
"isn__'__t something missing?  
Isn__'__t someone missing me? "_

Even though I_'__d be sacrificed,  
You won__'__t try for me, not now.  
Though I'd die to know you love me,  
I__'__m all alone.  
Isn__'__t someone missing me?_

And if I bleed, I_'__ll bleed,  
Knowing you don__'__t care.  
And if I sleep just to dream of you  
And wake without you there,  
Isn__'__t something missing?  
Isn__'__t something..._

"Atemu could....write?" I whispered

Why hadn't he told me? Every word was crafted together and so full of pain and anger.

"Y-Yugi."

I glanced up, Jou's face had paled, he was staring at the page. I looked down, smudged across the bottom was a red line. My heart lurched inside my chest.

"Blood?" I gasped "Oh! Grandpa said he was hurt!"

"Must've been from where he fell on the table. Nice going, Mutt." Seto growled

"No....I didn't mean to hurt him....please.....tell me I didn't make him bleed!" Jou stammered

"You did, though. I yelled at him. So did Seto."

"I know what's happened." Seto said, his face was strangely grave.

"What?! What's happened?"

"We hurt him. So he ran away from us."

And suddenly I understood. Understood and died a little inside.

"Well...we'll just find him! Bring him back and apologise." Jou declared

"We can't."I mumbled. My gaze falling to the puzzle, still clasped in my shaking hand.

"Why not?" Seto demanded

"We wouldn't be able to bring him home. He doesn't want to be found. There's nothing we can do." I whispered.

These words, they were his heart, his soul. Why hadn't I felt him hurting? Why had I shut him out, so that he felt this was his only resort? He felt that escape was his only way to cope. He didn't come to me?

"You sound like you're giving up, Yugi." Seto growled. I looked up at him with tears in my eyes; I hadn't even noticed they were falling. "We will find him. You'll see!"

Behind that steely gaze, I knew Seto was worried about him. I could see that Jou was, the situation was weighing down on us. I nodded weakly.

I'm so, so, sorry.

Somewhere in the confusion the rest of the gang had turned up, waiting on the doorstep with hope in their eyes. I distinguished it without opening my lips, my eyes were red and puffy. Jou was quiet, staring at the place where the glass table should've been. Even Seto was unnaturally quiet, didn't snap at anyone. I showed them the pages of songs we had found. I watched horror and heartbreak well in their eyes. I saw guilt as well. Even a spark of emotion in Bakura's eyes. Atemu never knew he had this support behind him. We were stupid enough to never tell him. Now we were suffering our mistakes.

No. That's not right.

We were suffering MY mistakes.

I never told him how much I appreciated him. Never ever thanked him or brought him something. Never told him to sit down and that I'd do the cleaning for him or help out in the shop. So many things I should've said and done, should've given. But I didn't.

"I didn't even realise he felt so bad." Ryou mumbled "He never let it show."

"I know. But he's very good at that." Grandpa agreed, settling on the sofa opposite me.

"Yugi...These lyrics....I'm afraid he heard us....when we spoke about him." Anzu whispered

I felt the blood drain from my face. There were so many times I'd insulted him when I'd been angry. Called him names, intentionally said hateful things. But why did I do it? It made no sense! I'm....a...brat. He was right. But I was wrong. He isn't evil and harsh. He's wonderful.

Oh, Atemu. Please, please come home!

"I can't believe we did that." Jou groaned "He's our friend."

"He always just took it if he was hurt. Even if it was us that hurt him. Never said." Anzu murmured

"We were selfish enough to vent our anger on him. Just because he wasn't there didn't give us the excuse to insult him behind his back." Honda sighed

"We don't have an excuse, do we? We were so wrong." Ryou said softly. He was close to breaking point. Bakura slid closer.

"We made a mistake." He said, his voice was harsh, critical. But...THERE!....underlying, well hidden guilt and fear....We ALL wanted him back. "We pushed too hard and he panicked. That's why he's gone. He was afraid."

"But, he was a Pharaoh. He can't have run back then, did he?"

"No. He didn't."

"I believe there is something very important we failed to notice." Grandpa said slowly, wringing his hands together. WE all looked expectantly at him. "He was Pharaoh once, in a different time and a different place. But he never grew up. At heart, Atemu is just a boy. He got scared, something came that he didn't know how to handle and it frightened him. Remember, Atemu always had himself to rely on. When he didn't know what to do, survival instincts kicked in. He took himself away from the threats."

"Threats? You mean us?" Jou asked. But we already knew he was right.

"Yes."

"What do we do now?"

".....I don't know."

"He isn't coming back is he, Yugi?" Ryou asked

They all looked up at me. I shook my head.

"No. He isn't coming back. But we're going to find him!"

Just.....promise me ......you'll wait for me......

.....and somehow....you can forgive what we've done.

* * *

AHHHHHHH!


	3. How time has changed me, my love

Hello! Sorry about the REALLY late update, not sure what happened. But you've all been so nice and kept asking me so here it is. A quick question though, would you Yugi to see Atemu in the next chapter and reflect or have him approach Atemu or the chapter after? Bakura and Ryou get a bigger part soon! I've been told my previous stories take too long to get going and well, if you guys are happy then I can adapt. PLEASE READ THIS AND ANSWER OR I'M JUST GOING TO DO IT AND YOU MIGHT NOT LIKE THE RESULTS!!

Love ya

By the way, Atemu is not religious....more he still has faith but he's not quite sure in what, I think it would suit him.

One last note, the events which happen every year are just showing how Atemu changed his appearance and reinvented himself. I think they're a nice idea but tell me if you don't agree.

Is Atemu's personality all right in this?

Song- What about now?- Daughtry

* * *

Tears don't fall.

.............................Atemu 

............................................How time has changed me, my love.

Age eighteen.

"Ready Atemu?" Scott asked, staring grimly at the shop window.

"I am." Resolve was strong in my voice. My head was held high and I was sure. "What about you? Ready?"

"Why not? C'mon, before I change my mind. But.....er.....you first."

"Chicken." I murmured, stepping past him to push open the door.

Scott growled at my back but I heard his footsteps follow. The girl at the desk looked up at us. I glanced at her. Brunette. Average. Kinda like Anz-er...some girl I used to know-. I hated the way her eyes lingered on me longer than they should've. But Scott's eyes lit up as he shoved past me. Her eyes soon snapped to him. She opened her mouth to speak but an older, kind looking lady appeared and ushered her out from the counter. Scott looked annoyed, I smirked.

"What can I do for you boys?" She asked

"We want to get our ear pierced. Can you do that?" I asked

"Sure sweetie. I had a couple of lads in here last week asking the same thing. Follow me." She smiled

We nodded and followed her to a separate room behind the counter. I glanced around the room, tacky pink wings sealed in plastic bags were pinned to the wall. I rolled my eyes at them.

"Not your taste?" She asked, noticing my action

"Oh. No, not really."

She laughed and motioned to the seat in the middle of the room. I sat on it as she fiddled around with a box on the floor.

"They don't do much for me either but the little girls like them." I smiled. She straightened up, threading a stud into the gun and turning to me. "So, which ear?"

"Left."

"All right then. It won't hurt much."

I suppose she was used to reassuring kids but I wasn't worried about the pain. I nodded. There was a click of the gun and a small flash off pain that faded into a dull throb. She handed me a mirror and turned to Scott. I saw him slink into the chair. I smirked and admired the studded lobe. I liked it, made me different. I heard the click of the stud being inserted into Scott's ear and turned back to him. He grinned and held his hand out for the mirror.

"So, boys. Anything else?"

"Well...there is one other thing...."

"What is it?"

"Do you stud the top of the ear?"

"I can do. You want it done?"

"Yeah."

Okay."

Another click and a flash and we left.

Age nineteen.

"Seriously Atemu, I don't think this is a good idea." Jamie warned, staring in horror at the parlour window. "Can't you just get a temporary?"

"No! I'm getting one."

"I know how stubborn you are but I'm just telling you I don't think you should. I don't like them."

"Tough. I want one."

"All right but I warned you."

"And IF it turns out bad you can say I told you so."

He smiled "Deal. C'mon."

I opened the door, my boots thudding on the floor, announcing our arrival. A tall, tattooed man stepped out from behind a board. He looked intimidating but he grinned at us.

"Hello guys. Tattoo?"

"Him. Not me." Jamie said, stepping back and pushing me forward.

The man nodded and led me over to a chair.

"You wanna chose a design from the wall or have you brought one?"

"I brought one." I tugged the paper out from my pocket.

He glanced at it and nodded his head in time with the music pulsing into the room. "Nice." He commented. "What is it?"

_The Seal of __Orichalcos__. _

"Just a design."

"Awesome." There was a buzz as the tattoo gun warmed up. "Where do you want it?"

"Here." I pointed to my bicep.

"All right. Roll your sleeve up."

I did as he asked. The buzzing got louder, there was a hot pricking sensation on my skin. Why the Seal of Orichalcos? Something that has caused so much misery, made me a villain. Broken so many ties. That's why I wanted it. Proof that I was severing ties to the small town in which I'd run from. Showing that I was strong enough to break away and not be tied to a small golden puzzle. Time past and I watched the man's head bobbing near my bare arm. Jamie paced around, looking at the designs and glaring at the ones which managed to insult him. I smiled softly.

"Right kid. All done." His voice startled me back to him. I stared in the mirror with a satisfied smirk. The skin was raw and inflamed but I liked the result of the tattoo.

"Like it?"

"Very much. Thanks.

"It's fine. It's my job after all."

I paid him and Jaime and I left. He threw his arm around my shoulders, eyeing the design.

"Have to admit I had my doubts, but I like it. Suits you."

"Cheers mate."

_See me now....._

Age Twenty.

"Black! Black! Black! Grey! Black! Red! Black!"

I stopped outside my bedroom door, watching Lucy rummaging in my wardrobe, muttering and throwing my clothes over her shoulder.

"Lucy? What are you doing?" I asked, amused.

She jumped and span round, black hair whipping around after her, still clutching a shirt. I raised an eyebrow, frowning at the pile of clothes on the floor.

"Atemu!" She squeaked "Hi!"

"Hi, Lucy. What are you doing?"

"Nothing...."

"Uh-huh."

I rolled my eyes and threw myself down onto my bed, pulling a book out from under my pillow. Lucy hovered beside me, rocking onto her toes and back to her heels. I tried my best to ignore her, but she settled on the bed, tugging on the leg of my jeans.

"Black again." She muttered

"What?" I asked, vaguely picking up on the fact she'd spoken

"Black." She repeated. I lowered the book and propped myself up on my elbows to stare at her. Seeing she had my attention she extended her thoughts "Everything you wear is black. Or grey. Or red."

"And...?"

"Well, it's boring."

"But it's my style." I protested

"Oh, really...." Suddenly I felt like I'd fallen into a trap "Say, Atemu...."

"Yes?"

"Can I experiment with your hair?"

"W-WHAT?!" I spluttered

"Can. I. Do. Something. With. Your. Hair? I'll make it look really nice! Please Atemu."

"B-But I like my hair!" I insisted, backing away from the younger girl.

"Please. If you don't like it you can wash it out."

"Really? You won't cut it?"

"I won't. It'll be like a template, in case you like it. We can take a picture and you can go to the hairdresser. So, can I?"

"Suppose so."

"Yes! Yes! Yes! Wait here, I'll be right back."

"Ok."

She danced out of the room, grinning like a maniac. I sighed and placed my book down. Within seconds Lucy charged back in holding a container of gel.

"Isn't that Kyle's?" I asked as she dragged in a chair and pointed to it. I slunk over and sat in it.

"Yeah. But he said I could use it."

"Oh, ok."

She smiled encouragingly and ran her hands through my hair.

"I heard you singing last night. You're good. How come you haven't sung before?" She asked

"I've never done it before. Not really sure how to."

She laughed "Silly, you don't need to know anything to sing. It's something you feel in your heart. A whisper of emotion. That kinda thing."

"Sounds like something Megan would say." I commented as she teased the golden strands over my left eye

"I know. But you should ask Kyle about getting a job in his club. Once he heard you I'm sure he'll let you."

"His club? You think so? It does sound nice."

"Ask him."

"Yeah, maybe I will."

"All done."

I gapped at the reflection in the mirror. All the blonde strands had been pulled down over my left eye, causing a fringe. Somehow, she managed to tame the wild spikes so they hung down instead of up, she'd tied it off in a hair tie.

"Lucy....I....you....how...?"

"Don't you like it?"

I continued to gap. I'm getting it cut like this.

"Lucy, he's in shock." Scott laughed "Suits you mate. You like it?" He repeated slowly

I blinked again and nodded wildly. Lucy's face lit up and she threw her arms around my neck. Scott grinned, and perched on my bed.

"I've got to get the others!" Lucy cried and dashed off again.

I turned to Scott, smiling. He copied my expression.

"It's nice to see you smile, Atemu."

"I smile all the time."

"No, I mean a proper smile. You only do it occasionally." He stepped forward and clapped my back. "Atemu, my best friend."

_Best friend.....yes....finally..._

Age twenty and five months.

"Atemu, come here, we have something to give you." Kyle called as I passed the door

I span around, sticking my head into the doorway. "Yes?"

They were all sitting around the table in the flat we shared. Megan bounded over to me and dragged me to the table. Gently she pushed me down into an unoccupied chair. Scott nudged my foot under the table and gave me a beaming smile.

"What's going on?" I asked, eyes darting between my friends.

Jamie laughed. "So suspicious."

"Scott, you give it to him." Kyle instructed.

"I can?!" Scott sounded like an excited child. Kyle nodded

Scott whipped the bag out from under the table and pushed it into my hand. But he stopped me before he let me take it.

"Atemu, listen. We know you've struggled with your sexuality and that you're afraid to tell us." I hung my head, afraid, shuffling backward on my seat, waiting for the fist to come. It didn't. Only a gentle hand from Scott on my wrist which stopped my retreat. "It's okay, Até. We're not here to judge. We really don't mind. You're our friend."

"You'll still be my friend?" I asked in a small voice

"We will. We're always going to be your friends. Now, this gift is small, but it's from all of us. We hope it helps a little bit."

"No matter what Atemu, you're my big brother." Lucy whispered, hugging me from behind. I reached up and ran my free hand over her arm.

"Thank you, Lucy. It means a lot to me that you don't mind."

"Atemu, I know how much you were hurt by what happened the last time you told people about it but here, nothing will happen. We would rather hurt ourselves than hurt you." Kyle smiled; I liked him reassuring me before I said anything about my past.

He let go of my wrist and I pulled the bag toward me. I pulled out a velvet box and blinked in surprise. Opening the lid, I gasped and stared. I gently eased out a stunning decorative golden cross. Faith. Religion. Gods. My Egyptian Gods. I forgot all about them. Pushed them away from me, determined to leave them behind. To be honest, I was angry with them. They hadn't helped me when I needed it. I hadn't wanted to worship them anymore. I didn't want to acknowledge my debt to them. Had I betrayed them? All of them. They helped me, offered me a chance for life again.

"Oh." I gasped "I don't know what to say. Thank you."

"You're more than welcome, Atemu." Kyle said softly "Do you like it?"

"Yes. So much."

I slipped it over my neck, where it settled in pride. Replacing....a prison.

"Atemu." Kyle said brightly "Someone has told me you can sing. Fancy an audition to work at my club?"

"Really?"

"Yeah. So tomorrow all right?"

"YES!"

Kyle laughed.

_My friends....a new life....a new me.....Do I miss you?......I don't know......_

Age Twenty one.

There's a reflection in my mirror. Eyes too old for the youthful face they are set in, yet still full of life and fire. But a secret is hidden deep inside. A toned, muscled body, strong arms and a sculptured chest. Hair wild, like the soul inside, gold mixed with red. Earrings, a stud on the lobe and a hoop on the top of the ear, the addition he likes. It got mixed opinions from friends but views that were easily tossed aside. A thick chain holding a decorative cross gleams in the artificial light. Why....? Hope? A longing for someone who understands? Not even he knows why an object like that brings such a small amount of comfort. There are areas of this man that you will not see, that he can't allow to be seen. He fears another fall. Another tumble without his wings and he will not be able to save himself. But...what he sees, he likes. It's HIS hard work. HIS ability to heal and adapt that has made this man possible. And for what it's worth...it's good.

And that's when I realise.....

The man I see....is ME!

Four years and this is what happens. A new me. Someone I'm happy to be. Just by being me I make people proud. Yes, there's a mask and moments of doubt. But I'm happy, satisfied. I most certainly do NOT feel empty inside. There are definitely NOT moments of loneliness. ......Honest.....

"Atemu! Lee!" Someone sang. I groaned burrowing further down into the bed, pulling the cover over my head. Who sung to wake someone up? Wait....I know....Jamie....."Wakey wakey! Time to start another day!"

" 'Wakey wakey'? Seriously, dude! Could you be more gay?" Scott exclaimed, shooting me an apologetic look which turned into a smirk when he saw me glare at the closed door.

"Why, yes. Yes, I could. Are you getting up?"

I shook my head and stuffed my head under a pillow. Scott muffled a chuckle.

"Define getting up." He said, I heard a laugh from the other side of the door.

"Ok. Is Atemu up?"

"In that case, we're not getting up."

"Ha-ha." I grumbled at the inside joke. I like sleep. Sleep is good. Keeps annoying friends away. "Leave me alone."

"Moring Atemu! Breakfast in ten!"

I didn't hear him leave but I knew he went. Scott rolled his eyes and pushed back the covers. "I call shower first!" He called and disappeared into the bathroom we shared.

Scott Ross. One of the first friends I made when Kyle brought me here, probaly my best. Bouncy, energetic and completely nutty. But my confidant, a trusted ally. He knew a little bit about Yu-That boy I used to know- and what happened. So does Kyle but it's slightly different with Scott.

I nodded even though he couldn't see and smirked at myself. Clambering out of my bed and managing to get my tangled feet free, I wrenched open the wardrobe and threw on a pair of tight jeans and a dark green shirt, that Lucy had added to my wardrobe. Scott came back at that point and tutted at me.

"Atemu!" He whined "You know that colour clashed with your eyes!"

"I know. But I like it!" I insisted whilst fiddling with the collar. " It's funny to hear you say it. 'Oh Atemu'! I mimicked " 'It clashes so horribly with your ruby eyes. Wear the red one which matches your eyes' Yeuch!"

"I don't sound like that!" He cried

"Yes, you do and you know it!"

He huffed at me and stomped over to his wardrobe.

"Scott....don't wear the orange top. It clashes with your pretty blue eyes."

"Bite me, Egyptian!"

"Nah! Lucy's breakfast is tastier!"

Before he registered what I had said, I was gone. I heard a muffled insult. I smiled again.

Yes....this is my home....I love it....

I closed my eyes, momentarily feeling low. It's been four years since I left. I still carry the scar on my neck. 'Him' and his friends seem so far away, like a bad dream. Four years.....so much has happened....

"Good morning, Atemu. Pancakes okay?" Lucy asked, dancing up to me and pressing a friendly kiss to my cheek. Kyle smiled at me from the table.

"Moring Lucy. Pancakes are good."

"Where's Scott?"

"Cursing Atemu's name and hopping around with one foot in his jeans." Jamie informed us, slipping into the kitchen to snatch a piece of toast

"What did you do this time Atemu?" Kyle asked

"Nothing!" I insisted, stepping forward to flip the pancake Lucy had forgotten onto a plate.

I received an eye roll and a smile.

Someone grabbed me from behind, the laughter in my ear alerted me to who it was. Scott tried to drag me round but I dragged my heels and we both crashed to the floor. Lucy tutted above us but grinned at us. I chuckled as Scott freed himself from my legs and clambered up.

"Morning Scott." I greeted, still sitting on the floor

"Morning Atemu. We've already had this conversation."

I smirked, standing up and dusting down my jeans.

"Sit down you two and eat." Jamie instructed

I chuckled but did as asked. Scott slipped into the chair next to me. I hurried through my food, tipping the chair back when I was done, watching my friends move around the kitchen.

"Working today, Atemu?" Scott asked

"No." Kyle answered for me "Today is his day off."

"Since when?" I scoffed

"Since now."

"Awesome. Wanna head out today?" Scott swivelled around properly to face me

"Sure." Looking at him a devilish smile spread across my face. I stood up backing to the door, everyone's attention on me. "Oh no!" I exclaimed. Alarm rippled through everyone's faces. "You're wearing that orange shirt that clashes with your eyes!"

There was a second of stunned, confused silence before Scott's eyes narrowed.

"ATEMU!"

"Bye!"

I dashed out of the door, thankful that I had put my boots on before. I heard Scott pause and grumble about 'stupid shoes' before I disappeared down the drive.

"See you at the park, Scott!" I called over my shoulder

When I ended up in the park, Scott wasn't there. I sank down into a bench, pulling out a note book and a pen. Words were swirling around in my heart and head but nothing ended up on the page. I can't decide if I miss....him....or not. Do I love him anymore? I think I've forgotten how to. Not how to love in general but how to love that spiky haired boy. He'd be what...nineteen now? It's a long time, wonder what he looks like now. The wind played in my hair, pulling on my fringe, swirling the lose hair around my face.

"Hey Mr!" A child's voice made me focous on its owner. I glanced down at the small boy, clutching something in his hands.

"Yes?"

"This is for you!" He thrust a piece of cardboard into my hands "Bye bye!"

"Wait, kid!" I called after him but he was gone.

I looked down at what now rested in my hand and froze.

No....

Of all things to give me why this?!

The Dark Magician.

I just stared and gapped. No, no, no, no! WHY?! I couldn't move, just sat and stared. A baby cried and a car door slammed but for me, time was frozen. Was I being sent some cryptic sign? Was 'he' coming for me? No! It was a coincidence. It didn't matter that I didn't believe in coincidence. It had to be!

"Hey, Atemu. Sorry I'm late." Scott greeted

I didn't answer.

"Atemu? Hey, you ok? What's wrong?"

"N-Nothing."

He squatted down in front of me, concern blazing in his eyes. "You're shaking. What's wrong?"

That's when he spotted the card I clasped. Slowly he eased it out of my hands. He looked at it and understood.

"Him?"

I nodded. Scott placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. "It's okay, Atemu. It'll be okay."

_Shadows fill an empty heart  
As love is fading,  
From all the things that we are  
But are not saying.  
Can we see beyond the scars  
And make it to the dawn?_

Change the colours of the sky.  
And open up to  
The ways you made me feel alive,  
The ways I loved you.  
For all the things that never died,  
To make it through the night,  
Love will find you.

What about now?  
What about today?  
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?  
What if our love never went away?  
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?  
Baby, before it's too late,  
What about now?

The sun is breaking in your eyes  
To start a new day.  
This broken heart can still survive  
With a touch of your grace.  
Shadows fade into the light.  
I am by your side,  
Where love will find you.

What about now?  
What about today?  
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?  
What if our love, it never went away?  
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?  
Baby, before it's too late,  
What about now?

Now that we're here,  
Now that we've come this far,  
Just hold on.  
There is nothing to fear,  
For I am right beside you.  
For all my life,  
I am yours.

What about now?  
What about today?  
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?  
What if our love never went away?  
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?

What about now?  
What about today?  
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?  
What if our love never went away?  
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?  
Baby, before it's too late,  
Baby, before it's too late,  
Baby, before it's too late,  
What about now?

The last notes of the melody faded in the silence that had been created while I sung. The crowd applauded, Lucy screaming the loudest. The adrenaline was still pulsing though me. I loved it. I'd started living for the few moments I'm on stage. Kyle nodded approvingly. I smiled, knowing I had made him proud. I waved at the crowd as I stepped of stage, shouldering the guitar Kyle had taught me how to use.

"Nice. You're getting good." Kyle smiled

"Thanks."

"Ready to serve?"

I groaned but Kyle smiled. Part of the deal. I can sing but I also have to serve the drinks while the others play. I nodded and darted over to the counter, dodging one woman who stuck her leg out just at the wrong time. She flashed me an apologetic smile which I sent another smile back too. I scooped up the notebook and pen. Waltzing from table to table I jotted down the orders and handed the over to Jamie who was standing behind the counter. He flashed me a smile.

"One last table left and you're finished." He reminded me.

I nodded and turned to the table in the furthest darkest corner. Picking my way through the mess of legs, tables, chairs and bags I stopped by their table, flicking through the pad to find a clean sheet.

"Hello, can I take your order?"

There was silence. I glanced up at the person at the table and the pad fell from my hands.

"A-Atemu?"

"....Ryou?"

Oh.....

HOW had he found me?

* * *

Yes? No? Send it to hell to burn and never speak of it again........


	4. Tell me, why does it hurt?

Hello!

It occurs to me that no one actually reads what's up here, so......

.....Ah! My way!

But I love you anyway

Keep happy and reviewing.

Short and angsty!

* * *

Tears don't fall. 

Yugi.

Tell me, why does it hurt?

Age fifteen

Atemu left. I started searching.

_Crack...._

Age sixteen

He's still gone. I'm still searching.

_Crack....._

Age seventeen

Where is he? I'm....not searching as hard.

_Crack...._

Age eighteen. 

Gone....he's not coming back.....I stopped searching....

_Shatter...._

My heart hurts....why?

Age nineteen.

I miss him, so much.

Where is he?

I never thought he'd be gone so long. I thought he'd come back to me but he never did. The time that has passed has shocked me. Days merged into months, months became years. And he never came back.

I miss him.

Please come back.

I'm so sorry.

Just......please......give me a way to find him.

Please.....

My Yami.

Where ever you are, I hope you're happy.

"Hello, Yugi. Good day?" Jou asked.

I let my bag fall to the floor with a dull thud before I answered him.

"Been all right. Yours?"

Jou shrugged. "Been okay."

I nodded. Jou's changed. He's quieter. Its guilt, I can see it in his eyes. I can't take it away. There's only one person who could take it away but he's not here anymore. It's our fault, we know that. But we want to be forgiven. But I doubt we'll ever get it. We don't deserve it.

Seto threw himself down on to the sofa, wincing as he fell on one of Jou's misplaced shoes. Guilt's in him too, I know it is. He's very good at hiding it. He told me once that he feels guilty because he didn't stop Atemu leaving. He didn't stop what we did to him. I told him not to be silly half-heartedly. But deep inside, I know he could've tried harder. We all could have. Damn, this guilt is driving me insane! Just come back!

I left them, sitting on the couch, missing a face that hadn't been there for four years. Jou had moved into the house I still shared with Grandpa two years ago, but touching anything in Atemu's room seemed so wrong. Sometimes, at night, when I'm afraid, I go and sit in there. Holding the frozen puzzle. So empty and cold without it's spirit. I passed the room, imagining the face I remembered so well. The fleeting, timid true smiles burned into my memory. The arms that held me whenever I cried out in fear. Grandpa smiled at me when I passed, out of all of us he's changed the least. I'm thankful for that. He understands things about this whole mess that I don't.

"Hello Yugi."

"Grandpa."

_I've stopped looking for you...._

"Going out today?" He asked

"No, Anzu and the other's are coming round later."

"Good. Yugi, I meant to ask, can you watch the shop for a moment? I need to look for something."

"Oh, sure."

He beamed and I turned and headed down into the shop.

The bell to the shop rang, I glanced up from the comic I was reading. We just weren't as popular anymore. Or maybe we were, I just hadn't noticed.

"Hello, how can I help you?"

"Duel cards?" A small boy asked

"They're over there. C'mon, let's get you a pack."

"Okay." He giggled

I glanced at him. A bouncy, blonde haired, blue eyes boy. Sweet. I smiled. Once we reached the shelf, I reached up and pulled down a hand full of dusty packs.

"Not many people want them anymore." I explained "So which one?"

"That one!" He cried, pointing at the middle pack.

"Okay." I smiled

He handed me the money, as I was placing it in the till, I heard him tear open the plastic around them. I headed back behind the counter and picked up my comic. I don't even like this. Batman. Full of men with big egos and terrified women. And what is up with wearing underpants OVER jeans? Trying a new fashion statement Bruce Wayne? I lost myself in the world of colour and dramatic exclamations.

"Hey Mr!" A child's voice jerked me back to reality

The same child as before.

"What is it?"

"This is for you." He shoved a rectangle of card into my hands "Bye bye!"

Then he was gone, the door slamming after him. I blinked confused and then glanced down at the card. Duel monsters, I recognised as I examined the back. I turned it over to look at the monster and gapped, something fluttering in my heart.

The Dark Magician.

So long I'd gone without this card. I lost it the same time that Atemu left.

Emotions seemed to swell from the card. Abandonment, confusion, hurt.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, sliding the card into my pocket.

"Yugi! Phone!" Grandpa called

"O-okay!"

I dashed out of the shop, not looking behind and skidded to a halt before Grandpa. He stared at me.

"You okay? You look pale." Grandpa commented

"Fine. Phone?"

"It's Ryou."

I nodded and placed the phone to my ear. Grandpa silently stepped out, closing the door softly behind him.

"Hello, Ryou?"

"Hey, Yugi. Listen, I can't come round today. Sorry."

"It's fine."

"Just thought I'd let you know. Bakura's coming. Call me if you need help with him. He promised to be good."

I laughed. "Okay."

"Bye!"

"See ya!"

We hung up.

_Everything's falling slowly apart, where are you?_

"It's been four years since he left, hasn't it?" Anzu asked suddenly

Before there had been a buzz off excitement and relaxation in the air. As soon as those words left her mouth it grew sombre. Everyone fell quiet. We knew, everyone knew. I nodded slowly.

"He isn't coming back and we can't find him." She stated

"I know."

"What do we do?"

"Forget him?" Bakura suggested, it was as suggestion without and heart though.

"No!" I cried " I'm not ever forgetting him."

"Yugi, have you tried using the puzzle to call out to him?"

"Not for a few years."

"Try again. Go get it!"

I hurried to Atemu's room and scoped up the puzzle, cradling it gently. With doubt in my heart I sat down and pulled the puzzle gently to my chest. I glanced up at Bakura, he gave a small nod. I closed my eyes and opened my mind to the silent part of it, calling out into the void of darkness.

_/Atemu? You there?/_

Nothing. Well, I was expecting it.

_/i don't expect you to be there. I don't deserve you to be there. But I want you to be there. Please be there. Atemu....please...?.../_

Nothing. He's not there. He won't be there again.

"Bakura. He isn't there."

"It was worth a try. If the Pharaoh heard Yugi's heart call out to him maybe he'd be tempted to call back?"

"I felt nothing, Bakura. He's not there."

"I know." Bakura's confident tone had faded into sadness.

_/You're missed you idiot. Come back to me?/_

I sighed. I can still hope in vain, can't I? Wish on stars? On birthday cakes? On wishing wells? Only a miracle an bring you back.

Well....then.....I wish for a miracle.....

.......Aibou......

* * *

Short, I know.

Not interesting, I know.

Dodging the flying Ninja monkeys, Yes! I know!


	5. How can I forget?

Hello again! Wow I'm spoiling you. Making up for all the time between posts.

Here you are!

Thank you for your lovely reviews

Love you all.

Keep happy and reviewing.

Gah! I'm sorry about this disgrace of a chapter! I don't know what happened! I hit a very high, very thick mental wall and EVERYTHING went downhill!!!!

* * *

Tears don't fall.

Atemu. 

I remember all your broken promises

I'm furious.

I'm frustrated.

I'm frightened.

I'm......

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!?"

.......losing my temper......fantastic....

Ryou jumped backward. Several people swivelled around in shock. I saw Scott raise his eyebrows, catching my outburst as he entered the club. The white haired boy- no...man- watched me with surprise and wonder.

"It is you! Oh my God! Atemu, I can't believe I've found you!" He babbled

I stooped down and picked up the notebook, putting it on the table before I threw it at him. I kept the table between us, refusing to move round to him. I glared at him through hostile, wary eyes.

"Why are you here?"

"Coincidence! I swear!"

"I don't believe in coincidence."

Ryou frowned and seemed to be taking me in for the first time. His gaze flickered to my throat, my scarred throat. I pulled my collar up, hiding it. Something rippled through Ryou's eyes. Pity? Anger at my sudden departure all those years ago?

"You've changed, Atemu. You look so different."

I nodded stiffly. He hadn't changed at all. But I guess he knew that. MY arms folded about my chest, drawing myself in. He leant forward, pressing his stomach against the edge of the table.

"Sit down, Atemu. Can we talk?"

"No, we can't. I'm busy and I don't want to talk to you."

"Why not? I haven't done anything to hurt you."

"You're not part of my life anymore."

That's when I noticed the phone he swirled aimlessly in his hands. My whole body went on lock down. I tensed, my body snapping rigid. Ryou noticed and placed the phone on the table, pushing it towards me.

"I should tell Yugi where you are."

I snarled. A sound I hadn't made for years. Ryou seemed unaffected, merely fingering the phone. I darted forward and snatched it up, squeezing it between my hands.

"You will do no such thing! He has no right to know where I am!"

"Actually I have to say he does."

"No! No , he doesn't!"

"Atemu, you're yelling, calm down."

"Don't tell me what to do!"

I was all too aware that I was bordering on pure panic. But anger was fuelling the words that were leaping unrestrained from my throat. Ryou reached down into his pocket and pulled out a small, slim black phone. I gapped and blinked in confusion.

"I always have a spare. The one you're holding is my spare." I shook in silent hatred "Sit down Atemu."

Feeling cornered, I sank down into the chair. Ryou nodded in encouragement but I did nothing but glare at him.

"You've been gone so long we gave up hope we'd ever see you again."

"Good! That's what I wanted."

"Yes, I can see that now. I never dreamed that you'd move here, to the city."

I shrugged "Kyle brought me here."

"Kyle? Who's he?"

"My friend."

"So are we, Atemu."

"No you're not!"

Ryou sighed, seeming to have expected me to say that. For the first time since he came, he looked away from me, finding the table top suddenly interesting. "We are your friends. You can deny it and push us away all you want but nothing will change that fact."

"You aren't my friends. You don't have the right to say that."

He looked back up at me, his eyes filling with sorrow "I know I don't. But I mean it."

"I don't want you to mean it."

Ryou's phone rang suddenly, startling me. Ryou looked at it guiltily, pressing it to his ear in a fluid movement.

"Bakura?"

I froze. ...again

"I'm fine. Yes, I'm just out for a drink. I can't come to see Yugi tonight. I'm busy. Of course, I'll call him and let him know. You go and behave. I'll see you at home tonight."

I shoved away from the table, feeling betrayed again. Ryou hung up and watched me, a new form of tiredness sweeping through his eyes. A new form of anger flowing around my veins. I grabbed his arm, hauling him to his feet and dragging him toward the door. I shoved him out the door, throwing the phone after him. He stumbled, bracing himself against the wall. He turned to me, hurt flashing in his eyes. I seized his arm again, twisting it in what I knew was a bruising, painful grip.

"Listen to me. Breathe a word of me to anyone and I'll hunt you down." I growled. He gasped, wriggling in my grip. My face softened and I let go of him, rubbing his damaged arm gently "Ryou, I don't want to be found. I want you to leave me alone. I never want to look at any of you again. You nearly ruined my life!"

I don't know what he said after that. I walked away and left him on the pavement to absorb my words.

.....what was that feeling?.....regret?

I stomped up the shared bedroom, much to the shock of my friends. Once there, I stood and gazed unseeingly at the room. Who was he to come here and demand that I inform Yugi of where I was? Four years! Why had he come back? Coincidence he said. I don't believe in that. But he sounded so surprised. Was it possible that he honestly had no idea I'd be here? God! I hate them! I can't forget what I can't forgive. It's not in my nature. I hold grudges and use them as weapons. In a fit of unexpected anger I swept everything on my desk onto the floor with a crash. I regarded the mess of pens, books, drink cans with satisfaction. The desk itself followed the items, falling with a jolt that shook the room. I didn't care and picked up a book, hurling it at the wall. CDs, DVDs, wires, books, everything was tossed around the room. Soon I was screaming in anger and fresh pain. Drowning in memories I didn't want to remember.

"I HATE THEM!"

Crash!

"THEY RUINED MY LIFE!"

Shatter!

"LIARS! HOW COULD THEY DO THAT TO ME?"

Bang!

"I HATE THEM SO MUCH! HEAR ME? I HATE THEM! I WISH I'D NEVER EVER MET THEM!"

Rip!

"WHY?! HE HAD NO RIGHT! I DON'T NEED THEM!"

A wild punch. Contact with the mirror. Flare of pain searing through my knuckle. Blood flowing. Glass pocking. Glass falling to the floor with a crash.

"SON OF A BITCH! THAT HURT!"

The pain didn't stop me. I ripped the posters of the wall, tearing out the pages of my books. Footsteps pounded up the stairs and I realised what I mess I'd made. I didn't care. I couldn't stop throwing objects away from me. Cursing names and passed events.

"Atemu! Stop it!" Scott yelled

He seized my hands, jerking my arms behind my back. I struggled, cursing him. He didn't let go, choosing instead to pull my back against his chest with a strength I didn't know he possessed.

"Let me go, Scott!" I ordered

"No, I won't." Scott breathed against my ear "You'll hurt yourself again."

"Let me go you bastard!"

"Stop calling me names, Até."

"No! Let me go!"

"KYLE! KYLE! QUICK! IT'S ATEMU!"

"Traitor!" I accused

"That didn't even make sense."

"Damn I know!"

I heard a gasp at the door, Kyle, I assumed. He walked forward, grinding glass and papers beneath his feet. I struggled wildly, unable to admit that I was overpowered. Kyle grabbed my shoulders, forcing me with Scott out of the room. I dug in my heels, grunting as they shoved and tugged at my arms. Lucy and Jamie hovered in the hallway, unsure and wanting to help. Scott and Kyle paused, pulling me to a stop, Scott adjusted his grip on me, releasing my arms to wrap his around my chest. I wildly lashed out, grazing Scott's top with my bloody fist.

"You got a good grip on him?" Kyle asked

"Oh yeah! He's not getting away!"

"Scott, if you don't let me go, I'll start throwing punches." I warned

"Try it."

"Go clean up his hand. Jamie, Lucy, with me." Kyle ordered

Scott hauled me to the bathroom, locking the door behind us and pushing me down onto the toilet lid. Once seated, I gave up struggling and sagged. I didn't react when Scott lifted my hand to examine it. I did nothing when he started pulling at the glass with tweezers. The boiling, raw emotions had faded into a drug like haze. Scott was angry with me. I could tell by the way he wasn't looking at me. There was no concern in his clear eyes. I hung my head and whimpered quietly.

A fool.

I'm such a fool.

Scott paused, the tweezers hovering above the torn flesh. He sighed and guided me to my feet toward the sink, holding my hand under the running tap. I leant against him, drained, both emotionally and physically. Gently, Scott washed away the dried blood, continuing to free the slivers of glass. Once done, he sat me back down on the toilet lid. Pulling out a bandage from the cupboard, he wrapped it around my knuckles.

"Até. What happened man?" He asked

I said nothing, shaking my head. Scott knelt down, placing both his hands on my shoulders. I risked a timid glance at him, feeling a weight leave my heart when I saw concern shining in his eyes. I reached out and placed my hand on his shoulder, a silent reassurance to my friend, hoping it said what I could not. Scott leant forward until our foreheads touched.

"Who was that man?"

"Someone I used to know. It startled me seeing him again. Memories."

"So you felt the need to trash our room?"

I flinched "I'm sorry."

"It's all right. What did he want?"

"He wanted me to go back to them. I don't want to."

"You don't have too."

Scott leant back, watching me, waiting to see what I wanted. I reached out for him, Scott complied, folding me against his chest. Not the embrace of a lover but the embrace of a best friend.

"Scott, I need to know...."

"Ask."

"You're my best friend right? No matter what I do."

"I'm always going to be your best friend you idiot."

"Thank you."

I yawned, tiredness slamming into me with a force. Scott smiled and wordlessly pulled me to my feet.

"Our room's a mess, as you know, but I'm sure Kyle won't mind if you crash out on his bed."

"Okay."

I was guided into the neat, clean room and Scott lowered me onto the bed, swiftly pulling my boots off.

"Go to sleep, you silly Egyptian."

"Mmm." I muttered

I don't remember losing my eyes but I did. The darkness was welcoming. A part of me.

I opened my eyes, blinking, registering the throbbing pain in my hand. A stab of guilt hit my gut when I remembered the mess I'd made. Standing and stretching, I hurried to my bedroom. Scott and Kyle were in my room, Kyle picking up the shards of glass and Scott tapping pages back into a wrecked book. I hovered near the doorway, wondering what I should do. Kyle hissed when he cut his finger on a sharp edge of glass. Hearing it, I crossed the room and crouched down beside him.

"Atemu." Kyle greeted "How are you, mate?"

"Fine." I mumbled, pulling his cut finger toward me.

I clicked my tongue at the oozing blood and whipped it on my own blooded shirt.

"Atemu, you'll mess up your shirt." He warned

"Don't care. My fault you're hurt."

Kyle rolled his eyes. I glanced at Scott, he was relaxed, the fear and anger had gone. With Kyle's blood beginning to stop flowing, I stood up and sat beside Kyle.

"I'm sorry I wrecked our room."

"No foul. It's easily cleaned. Never liked that mirror anyway."

" I guess I over reacted."

"You're entitled to."

I looked down at the book he was fixing. IT was one of mine, I read it whenever I got the chance.

"You don't have to fix it."

"Yes, I do. It's your favourite."

I smiled. Scott finished binding the spine and placed it back under the pillow of my freshly made bed.

"I'll pay for the mirror to be replaced." I offered

"Yes you will." Scott said sternly before whispering "We'll go halves. Can't let you have all the fun."

"If you say so. What are we doing today?"

"I haven't got a clue." Kyle smiled. Then casted a pointed look at Scott. Scott stiffened, then wriggled uncomfortably beside me. I threw him a concerned glance. "Give it to him, Scott."

"No. I don't want to upset him."

"Scott! Give!"

"Give what?" I asked

Scott took a deep breath and turned suddenly fearful eyes to me. I didn't like the expression on him. It reminded me too much on the other half off my soul. I wanted to make it better but wasn't sure how. That's when I realised. His fear was off me, of what I would do when he gave me this thing.

"Atemu. That man, the one who upset you left this." He handed me Ryou's 'spare' phone. "And said when he felt the time was right you would get a call."

I took it off him, sliding it into my pocket "Thank you."

He visibly relaxed. I squeezed his shoulder, a silent plead for him not to be scared. I don't think he understood but he smiled none the less. I pocketed the phone with shrug. They could contact me all they want, I won't reply to them.

_I might be stubborn....._

_....But I'm still a fool for love......_

I slept fitfully.

In my sleep I dreamed.

In my dream I cried.

I found only darkness in this hideous nightmare. Endless. Thick. Overpowering. I walk forward, walking on nothing, seeing nothing.

"Hello?"

"Loser..."

"Who's there?"

_Laughter_

"What's that sound?

_Drip._

"Scum..."

_Drip._

"Pharaoh...."

"What is this?"

_Glass SHATTER._

Is that wall.....bleeding?

That's not possible.

But it is.

Crimson blood is leaking from the darkness. The darkness can't bleed. It has no feeling. It's empty. A dark stain off liquid death is snaking toward me, lapping at my boots. Glass slashes at my face, my neck. I can't work out why this is so familiar. I scream, thrashing, recoiling. Tall people, making me fell small, intimidated. A blonde haired man....hooded eyes....lips twisted in disgust. I know him....and I know what comes next.

"Faggot!"

Slam!

A fist hits tender flesh. Even in a dream it hurts. I jerked backward, only to be thrown forward when a kick connects with my back. Blood pouring from my face. A shard of glass hurtles toward my chest and suddenly the figure snaps into focus.

....Yugi....

Holding the glass. He's going to kill me. I can't allow myself to die. But I will....because the light always wins. I will always fade to it.

That frightens me.

I scream.

The shard descends.

"STOP! PLEASE! STOP!"

".....Aibou....Yami..."

"ATEMU!"

"Atemu! Hey, stop it! You're okay! Atemu!"

"Scott...?"

"Hey, dude. Welcome back."

"...."

"You've got to stop doing that. You're going to give me a heart attack!"

"..."

"You okay?"

"....Fine..."

"You sure?"

"Yes....go away....I'm tired."

"All right. If you're sure."

"I am. Good night."

But I didn't sleep. I didn't want to see the dreams again.

Text message:

To: Atemu.

From: Ryou.

Can I tell them where you are?

Text message:

To: Ryou.

From: Atemu.

Do it and I'll rip out your throat!

Text message:

To: Atemu.

From: Ryou.

You miss him. I know you do.

Text message:

To: Ryou

From: Atemu.

Never.

Text message:

To: Atemu.

From: Ryou.

One day I'll tell him.

Text message:

To: Ryou

From: Atemu.

Leave me be.

Text message:

To: Atemu.

From: Ryou

Fine. Enjoy your life.

Text message:

To: Atemu.

From: Ryou.

I won't give up.

* * *

SORRY! SORRY! SORRY! SORRY!

I don't deserve reviews for THIS monstrosity!


	6. Secrets were meant to be told

Hello people! This is the fifth time I've re-written this chapter and I still don' t like it very much. That mental wall is still giving me a headache. This is a short piece in Ryou's POV. Who knows....maybe he'll tell Yugi....

Much love.

Keep happy and reviewing.

* * *

Tears don't fall. 

Secrets were meant to be told.

Ryou.

What should I do?

I know a secret.

Secrets are supposed to remain hidden, cloaked in mystery.

But I feel.....this one.....should be told.

Even if it goes against Atemu's wishes.

Yugi deserves to know. His guilt has to find an end. Four years is a long time to wait.

But after all....Atemu still is a Yami. No matter how hard he wants to forget. He is still Yugi's Yami and Yugi is his Hikari.

Two halves of a whole.

Light and dark.

Day and night.

Something that should never be separated.

If I was separated from Bakura I know I'd ache for him.

I can't believe that Atemu has given up on Yugi. On us.

I think Atemu still burns for Yugi.

If I have to remind him of that, I will.

I won't let him forget!

"Ryou? Ryou!"

"..."

"HIKARI!"

"Gah!"

I jumped and span around, my heart beating wildly. Bakura stood behind me, straight, proud and annoyingly smug. I pressed my hand over my racing heart.

"Bakura! You startled me. Don't do that!"

Bakura placed a comforting hand on my shoulder for a moment before pulling back and rolling his eyes.

"Well, I did call to you. I tried to use the mind link but I couldn't get through. I can practically HEAR the gears moving in your head. Somehow they're stopping me from contacting you."

"Oh...um...really?...Fancy that. I can't work out why that would happen."

"Ryou." Bakura cautioned

"Um...yes?"

Suddenly Bakura's face was in front of mine and he was staring unblinkingly into my eyes. I tried not to flinch away.

"You're hiding things from me."

I cringed. "No I'm not."

"You are."

I dropped my gaze to the table top, away from his soul piercing gaze. "I'm not."

"Then why won't you look at me and say that?"

"I....I don't like it when you stare at me."

Bakura groaned and pushed away from me. I risked a glance in his direction. He was suspicious, his face was a light with it.

I know I should tell him. But what do I say? Do I tell him I know Atemu's whereabouts? Know where he's been hiding all these years?

Bakura shrugged and started to turn away.

"B-Bakura!" I called after him

"Hikari?"

"What did you think of Atemu?"

"Bit high strung. And a serious hero complex."

"And...?"

Bakura sighed "The Pharaoh grew on me."

"Do you want him to come back?"

Suspicion practically radiated from him. "Sometimes. What do you know Hikari?"

"Nothing! I know nothing!"

"If you say so."

He turned again and I let him go. I picked up my mobile, staring at the glossy plastic. This was a link to Atemu, a way for Yugi to reach him again. Atemu had looked like a cornered wild cat when I'd found him. He was coiled, like he was preparing to strike or flee. His neck was still scarred, he seemed so self conscious of it. So wary and suspicious. It had hurt to see him like that. But he was still proud and stubborn, that hadn't changed. His appearance so different and yet so similar. He'd tried so hard to change. How would Yugi react if he saw him again? I didn't even know how Atemu himself would act. Would I be shoving them into a fire and pushing an emotional Yami over the edge? I put the phone down and pushed it away from me. When did it stop being Atemu's right to be hidden and become my duty to tell?

I stood up, seizing my coat and shoving my arms through the sleeves.

"Bakura! I'm going to see Yugi!"

Bakura appeared at the top of the stairs dressed in shoes and a coat.

"I know." He smirked "I want to come too."

I smiled. "Come on then."

* * *

"Hello, Yugi!" I greeted

Bakura nodded.

"Ryou? Bakura? Hi!"

Yugi doesn't smile much anymore. When he does I can see how hollow it is. His eyes are still amethyst but dimmer. He told me once that light hurt him. It was too bright without Atemu to act as a counterbalance. The urge to tell grew in me. I hate seeing Yugi like this. He's existing, not living. He tries, I know he does but it doesn't work. I hope, someday soon, he'll work out his feeling for Atemu. Because, I feel, I already know.

"Can we come in, Yugi?" I asked

"Sure. Come in. Seto and Jou are here as well."

I grinned and he managed a small smile back. Yugi lead us into the living room, Jou was spread out on the couch. I looked around and found Seto perched upon a chair at the table. The wooden table replaced the glass top table. Seto straightened up when he saw us and awarded us a small nod. Jou grinned and sat up. Jou's trying too. But he's wracked with guilt that's so much stronger than Yugi's. Or maybe it's a different type of guilt.

"What are you guys doing here?" Yugi asked, settling on the arm of the chair.

"Wanted to be around friends." I shrugged

Mr Mouto appeared at the foot of the stairs. "Hello boys."

"Hi, Mr Mouto." I greeted

"Ryou. I've told you before. Call me Grandpa."

"Grandpa then."

HE nodded and disappeared into the kitchen. I think he knows what I know. Knows how deep Yugi's feeling are for Atemu. I know that Yugi doesn't know. It makes me smile how oblivious he is. Jou rolled over and scooped up the remote. I watched him flicking through the channels, eventually he settled on a horror film. Yugi slid down beside him and motioned for me to sit beside him. I sat down, leaning against Bakura's side when he settled on the arm. Seto moved across and sat down on the floor and Jou's feet. Yugi's hand jerked once, I pressed my knuckle to his leg and he calmed slightly.

I watched the film half-heartedly. A screaming blonde haired girl had just been decapitated by an axe wielding man when Yugi spoke again.

"Do you think Atemu's found someone to love?"

"You mean a...." Jou said hesitantly

"A partner." He swallowed when he realised what he'd said "Someone who loves him?"

"I almost hope he has." Jou sighed

"I can't stand the thought that he's been alone for four years." Seto spoke from the floor

"I don't think he has." I put in.

"Something about the Pharaoh is likeable. He won't be alone." Bakura reassured

"I miss him." Yugi said tearfully

"We all do."

I put my arms around Yugi's shoulders. "He'll be all right. Happy."

Yugi smiled. "Really?"

"Really. I have this feeling. Trust me, I know." Bakura's eyes met mine and the suspicion I saw earlier burned in them. I will tell. But not before I get a few thing sorted out "Yugi. What would you do if you saw Atemu again?"

"Apologise to him. Let him hit me if he wanted. Scream at me. Then I'll bring him home. Make sure he knows how sorry I am and how much I miss him. How much it hurts without him."

"You wouldn't be angry with him?"

"Angry?! No! He's done nothing wrong. I could never be angry with him."

I nodded and turned to Bakura. " 'Kura. I need to talk to you."

"Of course, Hikari. Yugi, may we talk in the kitchen?"

"Grandpa's in there."

"In that case we'll go upstairs." I declared and headed off before anyone could stop me.

Bakura followed me, his eyes sliding across to me.

Once standing inside Yugi's room, I whirled around and fixed Bakura with wild, exicted eyes. Bakura faltered for a moment before stopping in front of me.

"Hikari, why are you hiding things from me?"

"Because I didn't know how to say it. I still don't."

"I don't understand."

"No, I know you don't."

"Ryou, come and sit down and tell me." He patted the space beside him on the bed

I sat. "Bakura, will you get mad at me?"

"No. You've never hidden things before. It must be important."

I inhaled sharply and looked away. "I know where Atemu is."

There was a silence from his part. I picked at the blanket covering Yugi's bed.

"You know where he is?" Bakura finally said.

"Y-Yeah."

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"He didn't want me too."

"How long have you known?"

"A few weeks."

"How was he?"

"Angry I'd found him. I didn't go intending to find him!"

"I know. I can't believe you kept it a secret though."

"He didn't want me to tell! Besides, some secrets can't be kept quiet. Yugi deserves to know."

"Are you going to tell him?"

"Suppose I'll have too. He got really angry when I told him Yugi should know. Pratically threatened me. He doesn't want us to know."

"Stubborn man, doesn't know what he really wants."

"You think I should tell?"

"Ryou, you know exactly what to do. The Pharaoh doesn't always get what he wants. Besides, I've had enough of this mopping around."

"The thing is, Yugi might want to see him again but I'm not sure how Atemu will react. He's frightened, that much I could tell. He could run again."

"He might, might not."

"But I'm worried about how he'll react."

"The anger of a Yami is a terrifying thing." Bakura sighed "But a heartbroken Yami will resound through the ages. We have to let Yugi know."

"That was poetic. But you're right. I know you are."

"Come on then."

We headed back down stairs, nerves sending butterflies around my stomach. Anticipation and fear coated my tongue. But I knew what I had to do. Yugi's darkened faded eyes stared up at us as we entered.

"Everything all right?" He asked

Bakura nodded and pushed me forward.

"Yugi. I have something to tell you."

* * *

Well, there you go. Ryou's told Bakura. Don't be to harsh. I know this isn't my best piece ever.

Disgrace huh?


	7. Glowing hope

Hello, people! I would apologise for the cliff hanger in the last chapter but I won't. But because they keep you guessing I used one! But no more major hangers for a while, I promise.

And forget? Me? Never!

Much love!

Keep happy and reviewing!

* * *

Tears don't fall.

Yugi.

Glowing hope

Ryou's been acting strange lately. Says things like he's trying to drop hints. Like he wants me to work something out instead of saying it. He's so awkward around me, creeps around me and keeps a lid on everything he says. Avoids me sometimes. I see him, thinking so deeply about what to say or how to say it. He'll only come round to mine now with an invite. That was why I was so surprised when he turned up with Bakura on my doorstep. There was something hidden in his eyes, nerviness and anticipation. Jittery and jumpy but trying to act natural. But for a moment he forgot himself and leant against Bakura. It made me smile. But then I spoke my mind and Ryou seemed to change as I watched him. He reassured me and took Bakura upstairs. His behaviour unnerved me. I know Bakura felt the same, we shared a fleeting, concerned glance with each other before he followed Ryou. Then they were back and something was different about them. Bakura was surprised but pleasantly. Then Ryou began to speak. That's how we ended up here. Him trying to find the words. Me trying to understand and wait for him to speak.

"Yugi. I have something to tell you."

"O-Okay. What is it?"

"I didn't want to keep this hidden. No, never, I never wanted to keep this from you but it seemed like a good idea. It's what he wanted even though I didn't agree and I still don't, I kept it a secret."

"Ryou, you're babbling. What are you trying to say?"

He seemed to take a deep breath and shrink back into Bakura. "You promise not to get angry with me?"

"I can't say that."

"Give me your word then."

"Ryou that's the same thing."

"Please!"

"All right. You have my word."

"Good. Okay." He laughed, it was dripping with nerves. "What about the others?"

Jou blinked "What does this have to do with us?"

"A lot. Er....everything. Promise!" And there was the beginning of panic in his eyes.

"Sure. We promise." Jou reassured. Seto nodded

"Hikari." Bakura said softly. It was so unlike him. "Don't back out. They deserve to know."

"You're right. Yugi, everyone, I'm sorry I kept this from you."

"Whatever it is we forgive you." Jou smiled

"I'll hold you to that. Okay. Listen. IknowwhereAtemuis!"

I gapped in confusion. Bakura chuckled. "They didn't understand you, Hikari. Try again."

"I know where Atemu is!"

And my world fell from under me.

"So..." Ryou said "Still forgive me?"

"....."

"No one answered. I didn't know how to. My mind was trapped with the knowledge that Ryou had known where Atemu was.

"You knew...." Jou breathed. Within those whispered words were enough pain, anger and confusion to make me feel uneasy. "And you didn't tell us?"

Ryou's head bowed and he shuffled. "Y-Yeah."

"But you knew how we felt."

"I did."

"You...! You...! Bastard!"

Ryou's body jerked back, a whimper escaping him. Bakura was in front of him in a heartbeat.

"Cool it Mutt." He growled. "Remember where your anger got you last time?"

Hurt flashed through Jou's eyes. "That was a mistake." He mumbled

"Still happened. Still your fault."

Suddenly Seto was beside Jou, protecting him. He didn't say anything, just glared at Bakura. Ryou trembled behind Bakura, shaking his head. Bakura's eyes broke away from Seto and turned to Ryou.

"Hikari! You've done the right thing. We deserve to know!"

Ryou nodded and his eyes slowly met mine. Before I could work an expression onto my shocked face, he had looked away, finding the floor interesting. The older men were still glaring at each other. I knew it was the shock of the confession. Grandpa entered the room, pausing when he saw us, standing in the middle of the room, the strain of the moment thick in the air. He frowned, coming to a rest at my shoulder. I gave him a quick glance at in a moment realised he'd heard. But there wasn't a expression of anger, it was a more relieved thankful expression.

"Ryou. You know where Atemu is?" Grandpa spoke calmly. Slowly Ryou looked up to him and gave a jerky nod. "Where is he now?"

"He's in the City. Working in a bar, The Desert Rose."

"All right. Everyone, sit down. Let's discuss this like civilised human beings."

I slipped back down into my previous chair, I hadn't even noticed we had all jumped to our feet. Grumbling Jou flopped down beside me, Seto leant against the table top, expressionless. Ryou didn't move, wouldn't sit down, even with gentle coaxing from Bakura. He was frightened. Frightened but refusing to run.

"Now, Ryou. Tell us." Grandpa commanded gently

"It was coincidence I found him. Heard about this new bar and decided to check it out. I had no idea Atemu would be working there. He wasn't....pleased when he saw me. I tried to convince him to come home right there. He wouldn't hear of it. Amidst the threats and screams I get the feeling he's terrified."

I sighed. "Terrified of what we'll do to him if we find him."

Jou flinched beside me. "Ryou...I have to know....is he...scarred?"

"From the fall?"

Jou nodded. Ryou couldn't look at us and that gave us our answer. Jou took it surprisingly well, nodding once before falling silent. He couldn't hide the anguish twisting in his eyes, the guilt gnawing on his mind.

"Yugi." Ryou spoke hesitantly.

"Yes?"

He thrust a small phone into my hand before retreating to Bakura's side.

"You can call him, if you want to. Call my other phone. I left it with him....in case....you know?"

A true smile lit up my face, I jumped at Ryou, throwing my arms around him. He relaxed instantly, accepting the thanks and forgiveness. I pulled away whispering a quiet 'Thank you' in his ear.

"Just be careful about what you say, ok? He's jumpy." Ryou warned

"He's right. Beware the anger of a tormented Yami." Bakura agreed

"I will."

_....Surely, he won't break that easily....No...he can't....not my Yami....he's invincible....._

I stared down at the phone in my hands. I barely noticed it when Grandpa bundled Seto, Ryou and Bakura out of the house. Leaving only me, Jou and himself crowded around the black object.

"Do I call him?" I wondered aloud.

"I would." Jou declared. "But I don't know. What do you think Grandpa?"

"This isn't my decision, or really yours Jou. This is Yugi's. He has to decide if he should call."

"You're right."

"I know. Well, Yugi, your choice."

What do I do?

This device could reach across the divide of four years.

It could bring you back to me.

Or....make things worse.

But how can they be worse?

They can't.

"Ok. I'll call him."

"Do it."

My heart had leaped to my mouth as I dialled. Pressing the cold plastic to my ear took more courage than I realised it would. I was nervous...or rather absolutely terrified. What do I say to him? Too much and he'll bolt. Not enough and he'll bolt. What happens when he hears my voice? Gods...he could bolt because of that.

"Ryou?! Why the hell are you calling again? I told you to leave me alone!" His voice. Deep, rich and angered. Hearing that anger, fresh, not through my memories sent shock waves around my body. It was him! My Yami. I didn't care that he was angry.

_Ryou...I owe you..._

"Hello? Ryou? Tell me what you want before I hang up."

Threats, huh? Mmm, Ryou did mention that.

"Ryou! I mean it!"

"Y-Yami...?" I heard his sharp intake of breath. Heard him choke on the air he breathed. "Yami? My Yami?"

"....how...?"

"Aibou?"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

"Aibou...partner..."

"No!"

*CLICK*

"Atemu? Atemu! Yami! No! Answer me!"

He didn't. I knew while I was screaming that he'd hung up. Hearing his voice so full of anger and hurt struck something deep inside me. It was almost as if I could feel him sobbing on the other end of the phone. I broke down, covering my face with my hands and crying into them.

One mistake.

One mistake was all it took to take you away.

Did I hurt you that bad?

Did I break you?

You're too far away to hear my heart call words my mind can't understand. Too far away to know the sorrow I feel at your absence. Too closed of, in heart and mind, to hear the decaying link between us.

_/I miss you, Atemu/_

_//...I...NO! Leave me be!//_

I gasped. He spoke, he heard me. Hope made the tears on my face dry.

You may have forgotten, Atemu. But I haven't.

Maybe it wasn't you that called out to me, maybe you are losing control over you captive heart. I will free it and bring you home to me.

Yet....I have no doubt you'll fight me to the end.

I stood, tears drying. Resolve and hope was glowing in my mind.

"GRANDPA! JOU! COME HERE! I'M GOING TO FIND HIM!"

I promise....

My beautiful Pharaoh....

I will not let you down again.

* * *

Oh-Kay......

Um....reviews anyone.....?

Sorry, short phone call I know....but really....do you expect Atemu to listen to Yugi straight away?

Lots more chapter coming soon

It occurs to me....Yugi's chapters are usually short and badly written.....sorry....


	8. To forgive, is to fall

Hello again! I'm ill so be nice Here you go. Do I take it people oppose the idea of Atemu calling Yugi 'Aibou'?

Also, has anyone worked out Yugi's feelings for Atemu yet? No one's commented on it! :O

Oh, and is Atemu's personality ok? He's more than likely to have a break down sometime soon.

Anyways....enjoy...

Much love!

Keep happy and reviewing!

* * *

Atemu.

Tears don't fall.

To forgive is to fall.

"Aibou..."

No.

"Aibou..."

Don't.

"Aibou..."

Call.

"Aibou..."

Me

"Aibou..."

THAT!

I've never known a word to resound in my mind and rattle in my chest like that. That word, I can remember screaming it in torment, watching Yugi's soul leave me and murmuring it in a small boy's ear in comfort. It was safety and encouragement. A promise that no matter what, I was there for him.

But....

I can't recall him ever calling me it. It made me feel unwelcomingly secure. It fitted right in my mind and soothed my aching heart. But no! I could not allow it to heal me.

I'm NOT broken! I don't need to be healed....!

......yeah.....that's right.....I think....

_/I miss you/_

Yugi....Oh Ra!...He...I...what do I do....?

_//I....NO! Leave me be!//_

I threw up the strongest wall I could. Determined that Yugi would remain forever a stranger to my mind. I threw the phone away with a strangled cry. It bounced once on the carpeted floor and settled under a nearby dresser. With a confused mind I sank down the wall, hugging my knees to my chest.

This was too much too quickly.

Tell me, what do you do when the past won't let you go? Or when you can't let go of it?

The broken shards of my soul grated together, trying to knit fracture edges together all the while missing an important piece. But I would forever deny myself that piece. Because it was a young man, who so carelessly tore me apart four years ago.

Tears I wished I was to stubborn for started to fall. Angrily I dragged a hand across my eyes. Where my stubbornness failed I had my pride. My salvaged dignity. This I told myself, but I lacked the will to pull myself together.

Yet deep inside me....I know....I can't allow this to continue....

Sooner or later I have to decide.

To love....or hate.....

These confused thoughts don't allow my mind to rest. I hate the questions hurtling around inside me.

Do I...can I let myself..... love you again.

What's to stop you from causing my downfall again?

I don't want to love you...but I'm not sure I can stop....

"Atemu? Are you ok?" A hesitant voice came from the doorway.

"Scott." I acknowledged without a glance.

The floorboards creaked as he crossed the floor and settled down beside me. I felt his curious, concerned gaze on the side of my face and pointedly ignored him, burying my face in my knees. His hand fell on my shoulder, an attempt at comfort, I stiffened beneath his touch. If he registered my reaction he did nothing. Soon the hand was stroking my shoulder.

"Até. You know, you can cry. I won't think any less of you."

I shook my head, a stubborn child. I could not let myself go. I can't cry. To cry is to be weak. I can't be that. It's engraved in a soul thousands of years old. What's done can never be undone. Only corrected with gentle caresses. Such touches no one has the time or the heart to give.

"Atemu. It's all right. Let me help you."

"You can't."

Scott sighed. "I'm your friend. You can't keep pushing me away."

Finally I raised my eyes to his, he gasped at whatever he saw.

"How can you help me? You don't know me!"

He flinched slightly at my raised voice. "Atemu..."

"Leave me alone, Scott."

"Not when you're like this."

"For God's sake, stop clinging to me! Go away!" He was hurt by my words, I could see it in his eyes but he held firm. Refusing to move. His loyalty to me angered me and put him in the firing line for my anger , even though I knew it was wrong "You're so stupid, can't you see I don't want you here? What do I have to do? Spell it out to you? Will you understand it then? Idiot! Go away, you freak!"

Finally, he snapped. He gave a gurgled sob and wrenched himself away from me and without a backward glance left the room. Lucy was entering the room as he was leaving and fixed me with a furious glare.

"How could you, you selfish jerk!" She growled and hurried after him.

I heard the front door slam and Lucy's exclamation.

_Oh....What have I done?_

It struck me then that the one thing I had wanted I had just turned down. A pure, undying friendship. With a weary, aggravated sigh, I fell into bed. Maybe....sleep would bring peace.

Sleep evaded me. Never even came within teasing distance. I laid in the dark, staring through it to the ceiling, listening to the life of the apartment. Scott had come back a few hours ago and so far had not ventured into our room. I didn't blame him as much as I wanted to. Even though I knew it at the time, I could see how unprovoked my attack was. Why did I do that?

Yugi....why do I let you get to me...?

The door creaked open, nervous footfall on the carpeted floor and hushed voices followed.

"Scott, come on. You can't avoid him forever." Kyle whispered

"Watch me." Scott spat back

"What are you going to do then, huh?"

"Well...I'll sleep on the couch."

"Absurd! You'll sleep in your bed."

"No."

His defiance hurt. But I knew I deserved it. I bit back a sigh and listened to Kyle and Scott move around the room.

"Do you think he's asleep?" Scott asked suddenly

"Either that or he's the best actor I've seen in a while."

That almost brought a grim smile to my lips.

"I've never seen him act like that. He's been so....strange the last couple of days."

Kyle sighed. "It's this thing with the guy. It hurts him more that he'll admit."

"Stubborn jerk. I just wish he'd realise we're not the bad guys."

"He will, one day. Anyway, let's get you settled down, kid."

"I'm a few moths younger than you." Scott grumbled

Kyle laughed "Ah, yes. But, still younger."

"Git." Scott complained "G'night Atemu. Hope you wake up on the right side of bed in the morning."

Then they left. Like everyone else.

However...I learn from mistakes....and that man, Scott, I'm not losing him.

I threw myself out of bed.

"SCOTT!"

The blonde haired man turned around in shock at my call. I saw emotions flicker across his face but I didn't give him time to settle on one. I threw myself into his arms, I didn't care that 'men don't hug' and I was supposed to be a Pharaoh, or that all my emotions were supposed to be under lock and key. I didn't even care when Kyle himself gave an impressed whistle. All I cared about was that the body I was currently clinging to had dropped the pillow it was holding and had embraced me back.

"Hey, what's wrong?" His calm, caring voice washed over me. Suddenly I was trembling against his chest.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Shh. I know. Shh. It's ok."

"No it's not. I'm such a jerk. I didn't mean it."

"Stop it. Everyone's allowed to break down once in a while."

"I shouldn't."

"Why not?"

That's right. He doesn't know about my past. About shadows and light.

"Because."

Scott chuckled, I felt it vibrate through his chest. I clutched myself closer to him when he started to pull away.

"We can't stand in the hall forever, Atemu. We need to decide which room we're moving too."I stiffened. If I moved I wasn't sure I could let myself be comforted again. He seemed to understand this and removed all but one arm from my shoulders. "Our room it is then."

I let him guide me back to the room and seat me on the bed. I reached out for him and didn't care when he took hold of my shoulders and leant me back against his chest.

"What's on your mind? Tell me please."

"You'll think it's so stupid."

"I won't."

"I don't know what to do."

"About 'him'?"

"His name is Yugi. And yeah, I don't know what to do."

"What's happened?"

"He called me today. I spoke to him for the first time in years....and....I...." I choked on the air I breathed

"Shh. We'll figure this out together. What exactly is on your mind?"

"I...."

"Do you love him?"

"I...I'm not sure."

"It's buried so deep down inside, isn't it?" I nodded "What do you want to do?"

"I don't know."

"Are you going to leave? Like you did last time?"

"Do you want me to?"

"Gosh, no! I want you to stay. My best friend, remember?"

_I'm so tired of running but it seems to be all I can do._

_Run from the problem instead of facing it._

_Oh Ra...when did I become a coward?_

"Am I weak?"

"Weak? You? Hell no, you're the strongest person I know."

"Why can't I make up my mind? Why don't I know what to do?"

"Because you aren't a God. You're human."

I nodded again, feeling my mind grow heavy. Scott shifted beneath me, soon he was lying on his back and I was half leaning on him but neither of us cared. My eyelids dropped.

"You don't have to stay here." I mumbled

Scott chuckled "I'm comfy. No dribbling, you hear?"

"Loud and clear, Captain."

"Good night for real this time, Atemu."

"Night."

When the morning light awoke me, it was late morning and Scott was gone. Somehow it didn't surprise me but what did was that I awoke with a feeling of dread and anticipation. Like something was trying to warn me. I shook the feeling off and got dressed, throwing on lose jeans and a polo shirt. I met Lucy first and tried to slip past her but she snagged my arm and pulled me back to her.

She kissed my cheek once "I'm sorry I yelled at you. Are you feeling better now?"

"Much. Thanks." I replied pulling her into a swift but firm hug.

"Go and see your boys. They're worried about you."

I faked a groan, smirking when laughter lit up her face. She danced away down the hall and I turned to follow the sound of Scott's voice. I found them, camped in Jamie's bedroom, cans of beer and crisps on the floor between them. All three of them were sat in a semi circle around their horde of food, talking boisterously.

"Is this a private party or can anyone join?" I asked, enjoying their shocked faces when they swivelled around to face the intruder.

"Atemu!" Jamie chirped

"Sure, sit down!" Kyle offered

Scott just looked at me and I knew what was coming before he said it. "Morning sleeping beauty. You dribbled on me."

"Scott!" I moaned, ducking away my red face.

The snicker from my friend was almost worth my embarrassment. Scott patted the empty space beside him and I slipped down. I offered him a silent, secret expression of thanks and his eyes told me he'd understood.

"So? What's happening?" I asked

"Nothing really." Jamie replied, tossing a can in my direction. "We're thinking about another gig soon."

"Yeah?" Excitement lit up Scott's voice and mine wasn't far behind his

"Yup. Pick the songs and entertain the crowds." Kyle smirked

Scott's vibrant eyes turned to me. "What you gonna sing?"

"I...you've just dumped this on me...give me a moment to think." I laughed

Kyle's knowing eyes seemed to already know the sort of song I would sing. I think really, Scott knew too. Jamie reached forward into the pile of food and frowned. Slowly he extracted a card, something I recognised with a sinking, chocking heart.

Duel monsters.

A CEO.

A great dragon.

Blue Eyes White Dragon.

No one understood its significance. Not even Kyle who gingerly took the card of Jamie and tossed it carelessly away.

What in the world is going on?

Why is Kiaba's personal favourite haunting me now?

Surely....he isn't coming back as well....

I snatched the card up, offering no explanation to the others and pelted to my room. With trembling, yet angry hands I opened the draw in which I had hidden the dark magician and almost couldn't hold back a startled cry. There was another card, next to my monster.

Another Dragon.

Red eyes.

Jou's card.

Oh, Gods!

I threw all cards in there together and slammed the draw shut.

Duel monsters is over, done. No one plays a childish game anymore. No one knows how these cards are tired to me. How I fear their owners. How I know that the monster's power also resides within the humans I used to know.

What's going on?

Just another game in the hands of destiny?

I must be able to shape my own future.

Isn't that part of being human.

Whatever was going on it was happening.....and soon.

"Atemu! Picked your song yet?" Scott called out

"Er...yeah...sure!"

_I guess I just lost my husband  
I don't know where he went  
So I'm gonna drink my money  
I'm not gonna pay his rent  
I've got a brand new attitude,  
And I'm gonna wear it tonight  
I'm gonna get in trouble  
I wanna start a fight_

Na na na na na  
I wanna start a fight  
Na na na na na  
I wanna start a fight!

So,  
So what I'm still a rock star  
I got my rock moves  
And I don't need you  
And guess what  
I'm havin more fun  
And now that were done  
I'm gonna show you tonight  
I'm alright  
I'm just fine  
And you're a tool so  
So what  
I am a rock star  
I got my rock moves  
And I don't want you tonight

Unh Check my flow Uohhh

The waiter just took my table  
And gave it to Jessica Simps

I guess I'll go sit with drum boy  
At least he'll know how to hit  
What if this song's on the radio,  
Then somebody's gonna die! haha  
I'm going to get in trouble,  
My ex will start a fight

Na na na na  
He's gonna to start a fight  
Na na na na  
We're all gonna get in a fight!

So,  
So what I'm still a rock star  
I got my rock moves  
And I don't need you  
And guess what  
I'm havin more fun  
And now that were done  
I'm gonna show you tonight  
I'm alright  
I'm just fine  
And you're a tool so  
So what  
I am a rock star  
I got my rock moves  
And I don't want you tonight

You weren't there  
You never were  
You want it all but that's not fair  
I gave you life  
I gave my all  
You weren't there, you let me fall

So, so what I'm still a rock star  
I got my rock moves  
And I don't need you  
And guess what  
I'm havin more fun  
And now that were done  
I'm gonna show you tonight  
I'm alright  
I'm just fine  
And you're a tool so  
So what  
I am a rock star  
I got my rock moves  
And I don't want you tonight  


Something isn't right. Someone's here who shouldn't be. A tug on the abandoned mind link and familiar unwelcomed nudge in my mind. The beginnings of a corridor forming between two hearts. I look but I can't see. I try to but I can't see...you...

Even if I wanted to...see you....it would mean forgiving...but you see...

To forgive...is to fall...

* * *

I apologise to you....my lovely reviewers for carrying this out for so long but rest assured, they will meet and well....spark will fly.

You deserve medals for putting up with the nonsense I write.

And yes...I'm running out of excuses for any crappy, poorly written chapters.


	9. Cornered Wild Cat

Hello again! Another chapter. And....THEY FINALLY MEET AGAIN! Hope it's been worth the wait.

Thank you for reviewing. It means the world to me.

Much love.

Keep happy and reviewing.

P.S. Song- P!nk- So what.

HELL- This is hard to write

* * *

Tears don't fall. 

Yugi.

Cornered Wild Cat.

Oh. My. God.

Atemu.

Finally, I've found you.

Years of searching has led me to you.

There's four years of history stretching between us.

It's thick in the air, making it stale.

He hasn't seen me yet.

He's looking subtly.

He senses something but doesn't know what.

From here I can see how nervous he is. He's on edge, forever coiled, he knows I'm here. And he's freaking.

_Please, please don't run. Talk to me. Like we used to when we were young._

My world is slowly beginning to right itself and I'm starting to hope. I stretched out my mind, suddenly longing to feel the comforting brush of his mind but I hit a wall and almost whimper. Blocked by half of my soul. I watched a shiver run through Atemu's body and know he's remembering and fighting. He looks so different. Older, sterner but just a beautiful. When I see he's changed his hair a knife of disappointment and confusing pain shots through me. I always loved the fact his hair was like mine, a flawless mirror image, more beautiful and perfect than I could ever be. But now, its different. I don't like it but I know I'm responsible. The notes leaving his lips are perfect, in tune and full of feeling.

I didn't know he could sing.

I didn't know he could play guitar.

Just like I never knew he'd learnt to write.

What else don't I know?

_So what I'm still a rock star  
I got my rock moves  
And I don't need you  
And guess what  
I'm havin more fun  
And now that were done  
I'm gonna show you tonight  
I'm alright  
I'm just fine  
And you're a tool so  
So what  
I am a rock star  
I got my rock moves  
And I don't want you tonight _

_You weren't there  
You never were  
You want it all but that's not fair  
I gave you life  
I gave my all  
You weren't there, you let me fall_

"Kinda get the feeling that song's meant for someone." Jou mumbled

It was. I knew. Meant for me. To everyone else in the room it was a tune, thought up by Atemu to entertain those watching him. But to me, us, it was so much more. A reflection of the pain inside. A declaration of defiance. A promise not to back down.

Seto nodded mutely beside me, his eyes fixed on the profile of his rival. But I know, he no longer sees Atemu as a rival. Atemu is to him as he is to all of us, a lost friend.

"It's meant for us." I agreed

"All of us." Jou sighed. "Well what now?"

"Now. We go say 'Hi'." Bakura declared

"Um...'Kura. You sure that's a good move?" Ryou questioned "Maybe we should go up one at a time?"

"Good choice." Jou nodded

The song drew to a close, the last notes floating into the air and Atemu stepped of stage. He hadn't lost his grace nor his predatory beauty. Those piercing crimson eyes flashed around, focusing on faces, seeking but not finding. But he knew.

_/I'm here, Atemu. Turn around and you'll see/_

I sent the words really without thinking. I knew they wouldn't reach him, not with a wall so high and thick but they did something.

He froze mid step, his body swinging around to where we were standing.

Our eyes locked and time stood still.

Like a dream we stared, reality seeming so far away.

He wasn't blinking, wasn't moving.

And all I could see was him.

Then reality kicked back in and the dream was shattered.

Crimson eyes widened, his face paling rapidly. I could sense he didn't know what to do. Try as he might, emotions are not blocked by a wall of his creation. Though the years have separated us, I still know him. I know his soul. And his soul was screaming at me. Too bad his mind was stubborn and determined to protect the fragile hold it had over him. He was backing away, his hands flying up as if to defend himself.

From us.

From me.

He swivelled on his heel, darting through the crowd and left me staring at an empty space. The ghost of him burning in my mind again. I sank to my knees, breaking down on the floor of a crowded club was the least of my problems. There was one dominate emotion in Atemu's eyes and it wasn't the one I wanted...needed...to see. It was one of sheer and utter terror.

"You there! Spikey haired kid! I know you!" A voice called out from the crowd.

Great. A Duel Monster's fan. He approached me, squatting down to my level, trying to see into my hidden eyes.

"You're Yugi, aren't you?" A gently accented voice asked. My head jerked up in surprise. "You're here for Atemu?" I nodded. The man sighed. "Listen, you might want him back but he wants to stay here. With his friend."

"WE'RE his friends." Jou spat

"Please, I know what you did to him." The statement lingered in the air before I was addressed again. " Please, for him, leave him be."

"I can't. Not until I've said my piece."

"You're in for a long wait kid. I won't lie. Atemu won't come down. You'll have to go to him. But I won't let you. And if you get past me, there are three others up those stairs."

"Let me see him." I begged "Please."

"If I thought it would help I'd let you. But I can't see what good it'll do."

Miserable tears trickled down my cheeks. Too be so close to him and be denied was heartbreaking. But what more do I deserve than to be cast aside by him? I could feel Jou and Bakura shaking beside me with pent up emotions and I knew it wouldn't end well. Slowly I stood back up, the stranger following with hawk eyes. Ryou's gaze was fixed pleadingly on him while Seto's eyes were pure hatred.

"As hard as your decision is for me, I understand. We did not come here to cause Atemu more grief than we already have. Let's go guys."

"B-But Atemu." Ryou stammered "We've come so far."

"I can't give up!" Bakura growled

.....Worth a try...

"Please. All I'm asking is to put things right. How they were supposed to be."

Finally he a small sigh escaped his lips and he nodded. "Follow me, but be careful."

I nodded vigorously and trailed after him, trying very hard to ignore Seto's murderous gaze. I didn't bother to keep track of the twists and turns we made through corridors once we had left the club. My mind was filled by thoughts of my darker half and how much I had missed him. Almost insanely. A knock on a wooden door startled me back to the present. I jumped when the door swung open and a raven haired girl stared back. Anger flashed through her eyes when she saw us and she quickly rounded on the stranger before me.

"Kyle! Why are they here?! She shrieked

"Lucy, please. They want to see him."

"Damned if I let them anywhere near him."

"This isn't your choice."

His calm voice seemed to deflate her and her attention turned to me once again. I don't know why, but she seemed to be searching for something on my face. Whatever it was she seemed to find it and her anger slowly faded to an ember.

"All right. They can pass."

She stepped aside, allowing us entry to the room. Kyle softly shut the door behind him and motioned me forward.

"Scott? Jamie? Come here?" Kyle called out

Two figures rose in the dim light and moved toward us. Kyle opened his mouth to speak but froze when a knowing expression past across the blonde man's lips.

"Scott?"

"Yugi, right?" Scott asked. Again , I nodded mutely. A grim smile spread across his face. "Go away. He doesn't want to see you."

I gapped, not quiet expecting that reaction. Scott seemed unfazed by my shock and nodded toward the door. I shook my head, folding my arms across my chest. Scott scowled and the man beside him spoke up.

"You're the kid that made him run?" I didn't even give him an answer, certain he could answer the question by himself. "Why on earth are you here?"

"Too see him. Where is he?" I spoke with a confidence I was beginning to lack.

"Elsewhere." The cryptic rely sent a tremor of annoyance around me

"Where?"

"Not here."

There were a lot of things I could have said to these heartless people but I refrained from saying all of them. After all, all they and were Atemu's version of the truth. The pain he had felt, they knew nothing of the loss I had suffered at his absence. I gave the man a tired glare, trying to force my heart's words to him. Scott stiffened and moved round to study my face. He blinked and lifted his gaze to the door behind us and back to me.

"Why do you want to see him?" He asked softer

"I need to talk to him. Tell him I was a fool, tell him everything."

"Yeah right. He'll..." The unnamed man scoffed

"Jamie, enough!" Scott snapped then turned to me. "He won't listen to you, you know?"

"I know, please, can I just try?"

Scott nodded and led me away from the room I had been standing in and through the door he had glanced at moments before. When the door opened, I found my Yami, lying on a bed with his hands folded behind his head, staring up at the ceiling. Scott cleared his throat and the crimson eyes that had haunted my dreams turned to us. I watched a million emotions flicker across his face.

Shock.

Anger.

Hate.

Betrayal.

Fear.

Aggression.

Happiness

Hope.

But love never once passed across his face. My heart cracked a little bit.

Finally he settled for rage. With a fluid movement he had thrown himself to his feet and was before me. I had been without a Yami for so long, I had forgotten how terrifying his anger could be. I trembled before him. Even Bakura, someone who until recently could match Atemu's anger shrank back from the ancient Pharaoh.

"WHY ARE THEY HERE?" He roared

"Atemu...I..." Scott stammered

"NO! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? I DON'T WANT TO SEE THEM! I DON'T WANT TO SEE HIM!" A finger was thrust in my direction. "HE...YOU...I...DAMNIT NO!"

I threw a glance at Kyle and Scott over my shoulder and knew they'd seen something new in Atemu. A power, beyond mortal understanding, one even I didn't understand. Lying dormant underneath the shell of Atemu's caged emotions. I felt the swirls of darkness forming, reacting to the only man with the strength to wield them.

"Yami! Stop it!" I ordered

And he did.

The shadows fell away.

Atemu glared at me, he was still taller than me. Towering above me, trying to convince me he wasn't hurting. But I knew better. He was gifted in concealing his emotions but not from me.

"Atemu....I don't know what to say." I whispered

"How about 'Goodbye'?"

"No. I'm not leaving until we talk."

"Tough! This conversation is over."

"C'mon Atemu, hear us out." Jou spoke from behind me

A feral snarl slid from between clenched lips, Jou jerked backwards like he'd been stung.

A cornered wild cat....like Ryou had said

"Why are you here?" Atemu growled, eyes darting between the four friends behind me.

"We-We wanted to see you. We need to talk to you." I tried hard to ignore the fact that it was Seto that had tripped over his words.

"I don't want to talk to you."

"Atemu. This is silly." Jou said, reaching out to touch Atemu.

Faster than I'd ever seen him move, Atemu had sprang backwards. Jou's hand hovered limply in the air as he watched with wide eyes.

"Don't ever touch me!" Atemu spat

"Oh-Okay. We won't." Bakura soothed, or at least he tried to. Even from here I could see that the Pharaoh was beyond calming.

Atemu eyes suddenly found Ryou in the maze of faces and anger burned in him. "You! Traitor! You promised you wouldn't tell."

"I never promised that I wouldn't. I told you that Yugi deserved to know."

"But I told you I didn't want him to know." Suddenly his voice was softer, pleading.

"I'm sorry, Atemu."

"I hate you." Ryou's head dropped, a trembling sigh leaving his mouth.

"I know."

"I hate all of you! You ruined my life!"

I stepped forward, cringing when he jerked backwards. "I miss you, Atemu. So much. Can't we just talk?"

"About what?"

"Everything. What happened. Why I acted like that. Jou and Seto want to talk."

"No. Go away and leave me be."

Scott's hand tugged on my arm, urging me toward the door. Numbly I followed, unable to rip my gaze away from Atemu.

"I'm so sorry, Atemu." I whispered

His shoulders stiffened as my words reached him and his head bowed. The door closed behind me blocking my view of him.

....Atemu....

...It took me years to find you...

I won't let go that quickly....

I turned to Scott, catching the blonde man's eye. "We won't give up."

He smiled. "I don't expect you too."

....I won't give up on us...

* * *

Ta-Dah!

Well....what can I say?....what can YOU say?


	10. Do I hate?

Next chapter! I'm not happy with the last one, Atemu kinda flipped out and it was impossibly hard to write. I hope you weren't disappointed.

Much love!

Keep happy and reviewing.

* * *

Tears don't fall.

Atemu.

.....To hate?......

I never thought I'd see him again.

If I did I thought I'd be strong enough not to break.

Not to show him that something inside me was cracking.

But I've seen him again....and...well...the less said the better.

I did crack and the darkness bound in my soul started to leak through.

But my....Hikari...he stopped me.

Even when I didn't want him too.

I couldn't look at Yugi when Scott led him and the others out of the door. I pretended I didn't hear Yugi's whispered apology, spoken so sincerely and with so much emotion. The door slammed shut behind them and I just stood and stared at it. There was movement near me, someone calling my name but I didn't want to hear. I didn't want to raise my head and face the world just yet. Apparently, Kyle had different ideas

"Atemu. You ok?"

His hand inched toward my face and I jerked instinctively backward, emotions to close to the surface to control. Any hold I had on my fragile emotions was slipping.

"Get out." I growled

"N-No. Not until I know you're ok."

"Get out!"

"No!"

"Kyle, so help me if you don't get out, I'll do something I regret!"

"Oh, so it's threats now is it? Always resort to that if you don't get your way?" I hissed, feeling horribly like I'd been stung. There was an accusation and anger in my eyes, one I knew Kyle understood imeditaly. "I'm sorry, Atemu. That was low."

"Get. Out. Right. Now!"

"Atemu. I can't! I need to know you're all right and you won't do something stupid."

A frustrated scream bubbled to my mouth but I clamped my lips shut around it. But I could stop my clenching, shaking fists. The reaction I couldn't stop, even as Scott entered the room and stepped into my line of sight. Hus eyes screaming at me to keep control, not to let go. How easy promises are to break....even the innocent know this.

"Get out! Out! Leave me alone!" I screamed "You can't stay here! I don't want you! I don't need you!"

Kyle flinched backward, surprised and shocked. I looked up and saw Scott had retreated back a few steps. Didn't they understand that I could deal with them and my own splintering shield?

"Até? Why not? Why can't we stay?" Scott asked, his voice hushed, I could barely hear him.

"You just can't."

"You know that doesn't make sense."

"I don't care. Get out."

Frustration was clear in my voice, colouring it pulsing red and endless black. The colours of my soul. I wanted to make them see that I didn't want them. Scott stepped forward, palms facing toward me, slow steps. Like I was something dangerous.

"We don't want to leave. Not when you're hurting." He spoke like his logic was obvious. I supposed to anyone else it would have been. But I am something not from this world and I was cornered.

I jumped up, darting around my friends before they could react. Hands reached out, trying to snag onto clothes but somehow I evaded them. Hurtling down the stairs, I promised myself I couldn't hear them yelling after me. Promised myself that Yugi hadn't made me think of events passed. Pausing to breathe, I found myself in the kitchen. I almost didn't notice the piece of paper, stuck under the salt shaker. With shaky hands I freed it and sliding down into a chair, I brought the paper to my eyes.

_Yami- Atemu. _

_I don't have the right to call you Yami anymore, after what I did to you. I'm not even sure if you'll read this. So I'll make it brief and pray it's still in your hands at this point. _

_For so long I've looked for you. Wished that somehow I'd find you again. And now that I have, I wished I'd come prepared. I don't know why I clamed up, got tongue tied and lost the words. There are so many I want to say to you. But I need to say them to your face, not write them down when there's a possibility you'll miss them. _

_You shut of the mind link, blocked that secret part of yourself out. I know why but I wish you hadn't. It feels like there's a part of me missing. It's selfish to tell you this but I must. I want you to open the link, talk to me, even start to forgive me. _

_Please, talk to me, like we used to when we were young._

_Atemu, you're a beautiful man, I beg you return to me. Just let me believe you care, if only for a moment._

_I can't live in memories any longer. Four years is too long. I'm rambling but you get the idea. Please, contact me._

_I miss you._

_Yugi._

Underneath was another message, handwriting bolder but it's point firmer but the tone the same.

**Yami.**

**I'm not going to call you Atemu because that's not who you are. You are Yugi's Yami and he misses you. I know you miss him too, you're just to stubborn to admit it. I can't believe I'm going to admit this, but I miss you too. My eternal rival turned friend. We deserve to meet you again without you freaking out. Jou misses you, he's overrun by guilt, let him make the emotion go away. Let us be selfish. You cannot hold onto your anger forever, it'll destroy you. I believe you learnt this long ago. **

**Face your fears and take it like a man. **

**Seto Kiaba.**

I threw the letter away from me in disgust. Who were they to make demands? It was too late to make amends. Too late to try to fix the broken pieces of time. Yugi knew, it was too late to re-forge the trust in them I had lost.

Was I making a fuss out of nothing?

.....I just don't know anymore.....

My head fell to my hands, a sigh of defeat leaving my lips.

....There was to much I don't know....too much going on in my head....

I just wanted release, if only for a moment.

But I know, until I can let go or Yugi does, thoughts will rattle around in my mind. But I don't know how to let go. It's harder than it sounds. Slowly, I lowered my arms, folding them against the table, resting my forehead against them.

I can't cry.

Tears, anger and fear are for those who have given up. I haven't given up, I'm just lost, somewhere in my own darkness.

I need....my light.....

But I will never ever allow myself to have him....

My fingers crept to the cross around my neck, presents from all those months ago and held it like a life raft. I couldn't let go.

_Oh, my friends. I am so cruel to you. So dishonest. Unworthy of anything you have to offer me and yet you stand by me....why?_

A hopeless whimper escaped my mouth. I was so tired. So tired and lost. My eyes, so heavy, like lead, dropped. I couldn't care. I feel asleep resting against the hard table top.

I almost didn't notice my eyes were filled with tears that I was still to stubborn to let fall.

China hitting wood woke me up what felt like seconds later. I moaned, pulling a blanket that hadn't been there before around my shoulders. I opened my eyes, rubbing a cink in my neck and straightened out. Scott studied me quietly over the rim of his mug.

"What's the time?" I mumbled sleepily

"It's late. Two in the morning." He replied

"Oh."

I stretched, trying not to notice the aches in my body. That's all I seem to do lately, run and ignore. I'm sick of it but I can't help it. Sheepishly, I stared up at Scott, remembering the words I had spoken in anger. Scott smiled slightly.

"You look like you've committed a murder." He commented " It's all right. I'm not mad at you. A little upset that you'd rather hide than talk but not angry. I'm not going to pretend that I understand what you're going through. But I know you. You let emotions fester and grow rotten. You shouldn't." He paused, looking like he didn't know what to say. I stood up, moving my chair closer to him, a sudden urge to be held had flooded my senses. Scott put an arm around my shoulders.

"I don't know what to do, Scott."

"I know you don't. But you know that you can't hide for them. Yugi told me something before he left. He said that they won't give up. And I believe them. They'll be back and stronger than before."

I laughed. " You make it sounds so ominous."

"As do you, my friend."

I sighed, closing my eyes and rubbing my fists against my temples. " I don't know what I want anymore. I thought I knew. Now I'm not so sure."

"I don't know what I can say to make it better."

"There isn't anything you can say."

"But I wish there was."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." I yawned, rubbing bleary eyes "Go to bed. You'll have one hell of a stiff neck in the morning when you wake up if you sleep down here."

I rose, stumbling, smiling faintly when Scott reached out to steady me. I registered surprise when lucy grasped my other shoulder and with Scott guided me into our room. I flopped down onto the bed, fully clothed and retrieved a amused sigh and a tug on the covers I was sprawled on top of. I moved, curling up in one corner as the blanket was lifted and replaced as I struggled back under it. Somewhere along the line my shoes had been removed. A bodiless kiss was pressed to my forehead.

"Sleep you silly man." Lucy smiled

"Shouldn't...take....care of...me....I'm...an....adult."

"Yes. Yes you are. Act like one." Scott laughed

"Jerk."

"Goodnight."

I gave a mumble not even I could understand.

Tomorrow I face the day and whatever it brings.

.....Whoever it brings.....

.

.

.

Do I hate....or do I love you?

Tomorrow, I play my cards and I either win or lose the game.

_Yugi....do you know what you do to me?_

* * *

Short I know. I wanted to post something tonight. A longer and better chapter shall be posted A.S.A.P.

Sorry......

More comunication between Yugi and Atemu next chappie :)


	11. Play the games

Hello everyone! New chapter, hope you like it. This is the THIRD TIME I've written this! Every other time I lost it! ARGH! Talk about a nightmare! So now, I'm writing this in anger, please bear that in mind!

Anyways,

Keep happy and reviewing!

Much love

* * *

Atemu.

Tears don't fall.

Play the games. Don't fall for the traps.

Long ago I worked out my strength. The one thing that set me apart from everyone. I have a tactically good mind. I can find the dents and weakness in an enemies defence and use it against them. I can turn it into my strength. I AM the King of Games. I will win these games I play with past faces.

_Aibou, I'm so sorry. Do you see what you've reduced me too? I need to win, to play my sadistic games with you. I must learn to protect my fragile heart. Just as you must learn to let me._

I am a master of mind games. I used to take a person's greed and selfish motives and turn it against them. Force them into their own nightmares, to live in insanity until they have atoned. All the while knowing they would never do this. An evil soul can never change.

I can't ever remember teaching Yugi how to use this weapons against man. But he knows. He left me, alone, in my own waking nightmare and didn't come back for me.

I know now what I must do....

_...Play the games. Don't fall for the traps...._

I know Yugi will try and trap my doubting heart. I can't allow it. Yet I don't know how to prevent it.

_...Let me lay these demons to rest..._

_The ones that don't sleep and the ones that grant me no piece of mind..._

_The ones whispering 'The Darkness' Son has no need off love'_

_The ones I need you to chase away at night....The ones I need saving from...._

The letter Yugi left behind him, opened a part of me I thought I had long buried. A part of me I'm not glad to see has survived. It's small, childlike, begging for love and affection. I've been denying it for four years, I don't know how to appease it. It won't stop aching, won't stop threatening to cry. I don't like the idea that words can make me feel this way. That's why the paper's banished to my draw, to collect dust with the Duel monsters cards while I think of a strategy.

_.....No way out....._

I should call Yugi. I know I should. That's why I'm staring at the phone. He won't call me. Ryou would, so would Kiaba, Bakura and...Jou, if pushed. I'm expecting one of them to call. I don't want Jou to call. He doesn't exactly scare me but he does make nervous.

_Admit it....you're terrified off him....and he knows....deal with THAT Pharaoh!_

_....One little hit....and you hide from him...coward...._

I glanced over at the dresser hiding the phone, picking out the machine in the darkness. I'm not going to call, I know this. I can't do it. I can't trust my voice not to break or my anger not to erupt. Can't trust myself....

Groaning, I threw myself backward onto the bed, scowling at the ceiling, making patterns on it. Footsteps were moving around downstairs, chairs being scrapped across the floor, mumbled conversations but no one moved to see me. The closed door acted as a guard, they didn't want to cross it. I didn't want to get them. So they left me, writhing in the darkness, thinking they were helping when I needed someone beside me.

_I want you beside me....But I promise you'll never know...._

My eyes closed, mind drifting. Somewhere along the lines I fell asleep.

_Buzz..._

I twitched. I couldn't understand the noise that had invaded my dream.

_Buzz..._

My alarm clock?

_Buzz...._

An incoherent noise left my lips as I forced myself into awareness. What on earth was that noise?

_BUZZ!!!_

....Is the dresser buzzing at me?

..Oh no...

All fatigue left my system as I realised what was making the noise. I watched it, the screen flashed, displaying a name I knew but couldn't read. Warily I stood up, crossing the room silently. I bent down retrieving the phone, feeling it vibrate in my hands. Before I realised it, my hands had accepted the call and brought it to my ear.

"Yes?"

_Don't acknowledge the name, Atemu. _

"Pharaoh. It's Bakura."

"What do you want?"

"We want to meet with you. Talk things through."

"Funny. Now, really, why did you call?"

"Have you gone deaf? We want to talk to you."

"I don't want to talk to you."

"We want to talk to you."

"....I want you to leave me alone." Somewhere in there, a defence had dropped, a part of me was laid bare. And he heard it. A sigh left his mouth.

"We can't. Understand that."

"But I don't."

There was a scuffle in the background, murmured outburst and the noise drew away. Frowning I waited for someone to return. My frown deepened with who picked up the phone.

"Yami."

"My name is Atemu, Kiaba."

"Yami." He repeated. "Why don't you want to talk to us?"

"Because I have better things to do than to play with the past."

"Need I remind you that you're the past."

"Not this me. Stop calling me. I have no need to speak to you."

"Until you agree, I'll keep calling."

"You're in for a long wait. I won't come."

Silence...I think I've won...

"Aibou? Yami?"

"....Yugi....?"

"Yes. Yami-Atemu- please, meet with us. Even if it's just for a few minutes. We need to talk to you...I need to talk to you. Please? For me?"

"...."

"Atemu? Are you there?"

"...Okay. I'll meet you...."

"Really? Where?"

"Can you find the park?"

"Yes! I'm sure we can!"

"Meet me there a two. Bring the....gang....along as well...."

"Are you sure?" Suddenly his voice was tender, not excited.

"No. But I'll do it."

"Atemu...."

I hung up on him before I heard what he said.

_....What have I gotten myself into?..._

My watch had just hit five past two when I entered the park. I glanced around it, momentarily distracted by the gleeful families. Something I could never have....at least...not the way I'm going. My eyes found the one my heart cowered from, surrounded by the past and my first reaction was to run. I took several steps back, before I recovered myself and stood still.

_These demons I face....will never run...I can't escape from them...I'll face them and pull through. Maybe...you'll be there with me._

With false confidence I marched across the space between us, waiting for them to notice me. Now that I studied them without anger, I could see the change in them. Yugi was taller, he had matured now. He was beautiful, far more so than he had been years ago. I wanted to see his eyes, knowing I would fall but hoping I wouldn't.

Seto was there, standing tall and proud. The flowing coat was still wrapped around his body was grey, falling to his boots. He hadn't seen me. My eternal rival.

Bakura and Ryou, the identical twins, more so than myself and Yugi. Neither one had changed much, Bakura's eyes still held wildness and anger but they had dulled. Ryou's eyes blazed with confidence, new found and strong. Despite myself, I smiled.

And then there was Jou...my lost best friend. Time had not altered him, it had altered our bond. Left wrung out and broken at my feet, walked on by his. I had no desire as of yet to fix it. Besides....I didn't break it....he did.

I stopped, a few feet away from them. They all sat under the trees, watching the leaves swirl above them and the grass play underneath them. A nearby lake glistened in the sunlight.

"What did you want?" I asked.

_Play the game by my rules. Keep a calm voice. Cold and composed. _

A startled gasp emitted from everyone and they swivelled around as if one body to face me. I refused to cringe away. Yugi's eyes found mine, I held his gaze before glancing irritably away. I was aware of him climbing to his feet, his gaze never leaving mine.

"We didn't think you were coming." Ryou smiled.

"I gave you my word, didn't I?" I snapped

He shrunk back, Bakura's jaw clenched. Frowning I dragged my hand over my eyes. Waiting for them to start the conversation.

"You look good."Kiaba complimented.

I nodded at him "Kiaba."

Something swirled in his eyes, an emotion I didn't know. I shrugged, turning to look up at the sky.

"Why did you bring me here?"

"To talk. We want to make peace with you." Bakura clarified

"You can't 'make peace' with me!"

"Don't get angry, Pharaoh."

"I'll get angry if I want to."

"Sit down and lets talk like adults." He ordered sternly

My jaw snapping shut I lowered myself onto the ground, making sure there was space between, myself and Yugi who sat down on my right and Seto on my left. I looked up and met the eyes of Jou. He was hopeful, regretful and I wasn't sure how to react. Annoyed, I looked away. I pretended I didn't hear the sigh that left his mouth. Suddenly I was aware of a hand hovering beside me, so like my own and yet belonging to a completely different soul. Yugi's hand never touched me but I knew his longing. I hung my head, fiddling with my hands, waiting but no one spoke.

"Tell me what you've come to say." I finally muttered

"I haven't planned what to say to you." Yugi's voice spoke. I stiffened. "I thought I'd know as soon as I saw you. I thought the words would come. But I don't know."

"You've all been so insistent since you've learnt where I live. What do you have to say to me?"

"...I'm sorry, Yami. What we did was wrong."

"Why are you apologising now? Why didn't you apologise at the time?"

"I don't know. I was so surprised, I had no idea what to say to you."

"But you could have tried. Just one word."

"I know!" Jou suddenly cried "Four years regret! With this...guilt hanging over me! Not knowing where you were drove us all nuts."

"I apologise if my actions inconvenienced you."

"Don't talk like that!"

"What do you want me to say? That I forgive you? Tell you it's all water under the bridge and invite you back for a drink?"

"I want us to be friends again! I want Yugi to have his Yami back. Can't you understand what you leaving did to us?"

"Jou..." Ryou cautioned, I barely heard him and Jou seemed determined to ignore him

"No, I can't! How could the and I quote 'Faggot' leaving possibly upset you?"

"Because you're my friend!"

"Correction. I was your friend! Right up until you ruined my life!"

"Atemu..." Somebody...Yugi I think...cautioned

Jou's voice softened and his eyes dropped. "I never meant to ruin your life, Yams. I didn't understand, part of me still doesn't."

"That's not my fault. As a friend you should have tried to understand. That's all I wanted...someone to understand."

"Can't we start over?"

"I don't know."

"Atemu. That's why we're here. To start over." Ryou said quietly "We want to be the old gang again."

"Like we used to when we were young." Yugi smiled wistfully, caught in memories. "Remember that? The good times? Saving the world?"

"The day I lost you to Dartz?" He stiffened, amethyst eyes rising to meet me. "Did you ever forgive me?"

"Yes! Yes, I did! You didn't mean it!"

"Oh."

"Atemu, I missed you, so much. And I am so, so sorry about what happened and what I couldn't stop."

"It doesn't change anything."

"I know. Give us one chance."

"What's to stop you from doing it again?"

"The thought of losing you again. This time possibly forever."

I studied him, those eyes so sincere, promising things he couldn't possibly keep. Things he didn't have the right too.

"Yugi...the mind link...I can't....unlock it."

"Why not?"

"I can't get hurt again."

"I understand."

I nodded and rose to my feet. Eyes followed me, begging, hoping, trying to convince me to stay.

"I have to go back. The others are expecting me, I didn't tell them I was going out."

"Wait!" Yugi cried "One last thing?" I waited. "Do they treat you well? Like we should have?"

"They treat me like you used to. Before you turned against me."

Yugi nodded, his hand reaching out to take mine, before falling short. My hand itched to take his but it remained limply by my side.

_Only you know....one touch could be my undoing...._

"Goodbye, Atemu." Yugi whispered "Could we possibly meet again?"

"I...suppose so. If you feel you must."

"What do you want?"

"I don't know."

Before he could make a response, I turned away. Walking into the dying sunlight, I knew not to risk a glance behind me at the young man who knew he owned my heart. I'm not going to look at my lost best friend nor my eternal rival who now I can see wants to be something more....a friend?

Upon my arrival at the apartment, the door flew open before I could put my key into the lock. I met an angry Jamie. I raised an eyebrow as I stepped past him.

"Where were you?"

"Out."

"With him?"

"Just out."

A snort left his mouth and he left the room, muttering under his breath. Scott appeared beside me.

"What's wrong with him?" I wondered

"He's just being a jerk. Ignore him."

"Oh."

"So, you met Yugi then?"

"Yes?"

"And...what happened?"

"They want to start anew."

"What do you say to that?"

I just shrugged and turned to my room.

_Yugi...I know what you want....but how can I be sure?_

_....Jou...I....don't know HOW to forgive you...._

_Play the game. Don't fall for the traps._

_Why do I feel I've fallen for someone's trap?_

_........_.....

Well....you like?


	12. Allies in the dark

Hello everyone! Next chapter!

Enjoy!

Much love.

Keep happy and reviewing.

* * *

Tears Don't Fall.

Atemu

Allies in the dark.

"Atemu! Get out of bed!" Scott called "Before Jamie eats everything!"

Caught somewhere between sleep and reality I didn't hear Jamie's reply, though I imagine it was colourful. Heaving myself out of bed, I felt a real smile slip onto my face.

_....Yugi...._

_.....I dreamed of you last night.... _

_How we were before that night....before this hell started..._

_And...it was nice...._

_...doesn't mean I'll listen to my heart...Doesn't mean my walls will drop any further...._

_._

_._

_._

_Doesn't mean you've won your place in my heart again...._

_._

_._

_._

_Doesn't mean I love you...._

"Atemu! Up!" Lucy ordered, banging on the bedroom door.

"All right!"

Lucy's laughter drew further away from me. Grumbling, I opened the wardrobe and pulled out a black shirt and a pair of faded jeans. Of course, Lucy tutted when she saw me but graced me with a smile. I couldn't shake the feeling that it was somewhat forced. The atmosphere in the kitchen was odd, but I couldn't figure it out. Scott smiled up at me, it wasn't right. Jamie glared at me, I jumped back under the intensity of his gaze.

"Jamie, for God's sake, stop it!" Scott growled "He's done nothing wrong."

As I watched, Jamie's expression changed, becoming one of serenity and friendship. Uncertain, I hovered in the doorway.

"Sit down Atemu. He has no right to make you feel awkward." Kyle said softly

"What's wrong?" I demanded, not moving from where I was

"Nothing." Jamie denied harshly

"Scott...tell me!"

"No, Até. Sit down." Scott snapped

Scowling, I slid into the offered chair, feeling slightly stung at my treatment. I pretended I didn't see Kyle shooting furious glares at Scott and Jamie over my head.

"Anyway..." Kyle spoke up suddenly "What are you doing today?"

"Well I'm heading to the mall." Lucy informed us, placing a plate of eggs and bacon before me.

"I'm going to visit Meg." Scott answered, sending a glance my way.

"In that case, I'm staying here." Jamie said

"Atemu? What about you?" Kyle asked

"Don't know....do you need help in the bar?"

"Haven't you worked there enough lately?"

"Probaly, but I need something to do. Please? I don't have to sing, just serve drinks."

"Atemu, you've been kind of touchy lately. I can't let you upset any customers."

For a moment I was too stunned to form any thought. "I won't."

"You must walk away from any people that anger you, do you understand?"

"Yes, Kyle."

"You lose, your anger even once and I will have to take action."

"Understood."

"Good. Take the evening shift."

"Fine." I rose to leave, still feeling wounded after my friend's reactions this morning

"Atemu, where are you going?" Lucy asked

"Out."

"But you haven't eaten."

I shovelled a mouthful of eggs into my mouth just to spite her. "Give the rest to Scott."

"Atemu! Get back here!" Kyle ordered "What is with you lately?"

"Nothing!"

"Atemu! Sit down and eat!"

"You're not my father!"

"I might as well be!" He yelled before turning and slamming the kitchen door closed in my face.

In furious rage, I stormed out of the apartment. My good mood thoroughly destroyed.

_.....Just once....come to me when I need you...._

"Hello, Pharaoh." A smooth voice spoke from behind me

I jumped, spinning round on the bench to face the intruder and instantly wished I hadn't. "Bakura."

"Don't normally see you alone. Where's your followers?"

"How should I know?"

"Can I sit?"

"No." He did anyway.

I scowled at him, he chuckled.

"Did you want something?" He raised his eyebrow "Other than to convince me to come back?"

"No. I want you to come back"

"But I'm not ever going to."

"Pharaoh, you know as well as I do that promises are meant to be broken."

"Not this one."

Bakura sighed "You're to stubborn for your own good."

"Hmm, it's save me before in the past."

"Yes, but like you said that's the past. You're in the present and you're missing it."

"I'm missing nothing."

"You can't honestly tell me that there isn't a part of you that does miss us."

"There...isn't."

"You're lying."

"Am not."

"You are. You can't fool us."

"I can try...!"

"Yeah. But you can't make me believe you."

I folded my arms across my chest, turning to gaze at the children playing games. A couple strolled past us, old, death within tasting distance but so happy that they were together. The women stared up at her husband with loving eyes whilst he stared back, equally in love. Something inside my throbbed a little.

"So what if I miss him? It's not like I can be with him?"

"Why not?"

" One, society won't allow it. Two, I won't allow it. Three, do you honestly think I'd put myself in that position again after what happened last time? Four, I don't trust him."

"See that's your problem."

"I don't trust him?"

"No, well yes but it's more than that. You see, you think to much with this." He tapped my temple. "And not enough with this." He poked my heart "Loosen up."

I growled a little as his words sunk in.

"I won't do it!" I declared "I won't fall in love again!"

"We'll see. Yugi wants to meet you again."

"Whatever, I'm working tonight anyway."

"At the bar?" I nodded "Good, we'll be there. See you at ten."

And he was gone as soon as he came.

"B-Bakura! Hey! That's not fair! I never agreed!"

_....Too late you stupid man...._

_By the way, great job at keeping your feeling hidden, announce it to the world why don't you?_

_No, I know even better, announce it to the tomb robber! Your enemy._

My enemy, huh? Why doesn't he act like one?

Hours later, I slunk back into the apartment. My presence went unnoticed and I hurried to my room. However, on the way, loud angry voices drew me to Jamie's room. I hovered anxiously outside.

"Jamie, this has to stop! I won't let you hurt him!"

....Scott?....

"Who are you? His mother? He's a grown man, he can do what he wants!"

"Damnit, Jamie. Don't you understand? He's torn apart inside! You'll make him worse."

"No! I could fix him."

"He doesn't need you to fix him. Back off!"

"Don't tell me what to do!"

"When it comes to him, I'll tell you to do anything I damn well please!"

"Scott, if I want him, I'll bloody well have him!"

"....That sounds like a threat...."

"Only if you chose to see it that way."

"But...I...You can't!"

"Oh, get out of my room!"

The door opened and I jumped back away from it. Scott stepped out, blinking in shock when he saw me.

"Atemu! How much did you hear?"

"Not a lot. Scott, what's going on?"

"Nothing I can't handle."

He turned to walk away.

"Scott!" I called after him "You're not in trouble are you?"

He smiled gently. "No, Atemu, I'm not. Don't worry about it."

"You'd tell me if you were, right? You wouldn't keep secrets?"

"I'd tell you straight away."

"All right."

He left me, standing confused in the hallway.

....what the hell is going on?...

"Kyle?"I spoke hesitantly, not daring to even stand in the doorway.

He looked up from the desk where he was sat talking to Lucy. I couldn't read his expression, frightened, I went to draw further away.

"No, Atemu. Come and sit down, kid. Lucy make a cup of tea or something for him?"

"Sure." She stood up and danced around the kitchen

"Now, Atemu. What's on your mind?"

"I'm sorry."

"For...?"

"You know why."

"And...?"

"I'm sorry."

"Yes, you've said that. I want to know why you're sorry."

"I'm a jerk. Stupid, ungrateful, worthless man. I should be rotting in the gutter somewhere. I shou-."

"ATEMU! ENOUGH!"

I jumped, panic flaring through me. Kyle leant toward me, his fist raising and I flinched, bolting from my seat to stand behind it. Kyle blinked in confusion before settling on horror.

"You can't think I would...too you...oh god, you do!"

"You were going to hit me."

"I wasn't."

"Atemu, you know, none of us would ever hurt you." Lucy informed me, as my wild eyes crossed to hers "Especially Kyle."

"Ra...I'm losing my mind." I whimpered, falling back into the chair "I am sorry. I don't mean to be like this. I just-."

"You just miss him."

I nodded pathetically into my hands.

"Take a risk. Love him again."

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" He opened his mouth to talk but I didn't let him "I physically can't let myself love him."

_...Please...hear my cries....I need you...._

"Oh, Atemu." Lucy sighed

"You're pretty messed up, kid, aren't you?"

"Sounds about right."

_I am who I am..._

_The road to get here has been painfully long..._

_I am who I am...whoever I am..._

"Yo! Waiter, another drink!"

"Coming sir."

I forced polite words out through my teeth, trying hard to ignore the drunk, very loud man leering at me. I wasn't sure how much longer I could cope with this crowd of people, soon I was going to be looking for an escape route.

Smiling, I placed the glass on the table and collected the empty ones. A large hand, shot out, clasping my wrist in a bruising grip.

"What's your name, pretty boy?"

"Sir, please, let go."

"I'm Darren."

"Darren, okay. Let go off my arm."

"What's your name?"

"Ya-Atemu."

"Atemu? Pretty."

"Sir, please, I have other customers to serve."

"They can wait."

Anger rushed through my veins, chocking out the fear I felt. My promise to Kyle rushed through my mind, did this count? Can I hit this man is self defence? I threw a glance over my shoulder. I had lost Kyle in the sea of faces, he couldn't see me, couldn't help. Darren pulled roughly on my arm, I only just saved myself my bracing my free hand against the table top. Darren's gaggle of friends laughed at me, urging him on.

"Come. Sit with me." Darren purred

"Sir, let go of me."

"Before you do something you'll regret? Please, I've heard it before."

"I mean it!"

"All right, I'll let you go." I relaxed "For a kiss." I tensed up.

He laughed as I struggled wildly. I couldn't escape, if anything his grip got tighter, I cried out.

"Let go!" I yelled

"Shut up, boy!" Darren hissed, glancing nervously around us. "One more yell and I'll do something drastic."

"I'll keep yelling if you don't let me go."

"Not gonna happen."

"Then I'll keep yelling. KYLE!"

A rough hand clammed over my mouth, silencing my words, again I struggled. "Shut up!"

_//RA! LET GO! GET OFF ME!//_

_/Yami?/_

"Hey, that guy's attacking the bartender!" A women's voice reached me "Stop it!"

"Now look what you've done."

Suddenly, a hand reached out and grabbed Darren's, he gapped in surprise. I followed the hand to it's owner and gasped. It was none other than Seto Kiaba.

"If I were you, I'd do as he says."

Gentle hands were at my shoulders, steadying me. I recognised this person, the protective light that had suddenly flooded my senses even though I fought it.

"Make me." Darren smirked.

"All right." Jou said. "Seto, let me."

Kiaba stepped backward and Darren's hand tightened again. I tried to shake him off, growling as he smirked at me. A soothing hand ran down my arm....Yugi...

Jou's hand replaced Seto's and with a quick, sharp twist, Darren's hand fell away from mine. HE leapt back, howling in pain. I just blinked, remembering what Jou's hands were capable of.

"I want to see your boss! Where is he?" Darren demanded, stepping closer to me.

It was Yugi who placed himself in front of me. "He's coming."

True enough, Kyle was working his way through the crowd that had surrounded us.

"What on earth is going on here?"

"I wish to file a complaint. That man." He pointed wildly at me "Tried to assault me."

"WHAT?" I exclaimed "He tried to assault me!"

"Absurd! Look at my wrist!" The joint was swelling rapidly.

Kyle's eyes were full of anger and disappointment. Rage grew in me.

"Look at my wrist!" I growled, shoving my limb in Kyle's face. He studied the red marks, now forming bruises, identical to those of fingers. "I never touched this man,"

"Lies! When he couldn't get to me, he called his buddies to help him!" I pointed at Yugi and Jou, still positioned at my sides.

"I didn't! Jou was trying to get this creep of me."

"Atemu, do not insult the customers. I don't know what to do with you anymore! I'm at my wits end!"

_...Oh...No...no no no...please don't say that!....Don't do this to me....not again..._

"Excuse me." The women spoke up again. Kyle turned to her.

"Yes?"

"I saw what happened. This young man, Atemu did not injure Darren in anyway. Darren grabbed him and refused to let go, Atemu asked politely for him to let go and he refused. It was only after Atemu's pain became evident and he cried out did he attempt to free himself. That is when these people intervened. No harm has been done, they simply wished to help Atemu."

"Is that right?" Kyle demanded at the people sitting at the women's table.

"Katie's right. Atemu did nothing wrong."

"Lies! Lies!" Darren cried, taking a swing in my direction.

I dodged it, determined that no one else would hurt me like that again.

"Get out of my club! If I ever see you in here again sir, I shall inform the police."

Grumbling, the drunk man exited the club. Kyle turned to me. I was so angry I couldn't even look at him.

"Atemu, I'm sorry."

"Don't bother, Kyle. Just don't fucking bother."

_So...this is my life now...._

_Why can't it be normal?_

_._

_._

_._

_....Yugi...._

_Now what do you see when you look at me?_

.

.

.

.

_/I see...a beautiful, lost, frightened man....I want to make you happy again.../_

* * *

There! All done!

Yes: I know it's bad.

Yes: I know Atemu is out of character but he's confused.

And yes: Atemu can't fight with fists. Ancient magic and duel monsters, yes. Punches and kicks, not so much. It's just how I see him.


	13. Beautiful addiction

Hello lovely people. Thank you for your reviews. Still can't believe you guys like this.

Anyways.

Keep happy and reviewing!

Much love!

Song: When she cries- Britt Nicole. (Just seemed to fit Atemu so well)

* * *

Tears don't fall

Beautiful addiction 

Atemu

_Little girl terrified  
She'd leave her room if only bruises would heal  
A home is no place to hide  
Her heart is breaking from the pain that she feels  
_

_Every day's the same  
She fights to find her way  
She hurts, she breaks, she hides, and tries to pray  
She wonders why, does anyone ever hear her when she cries  
_

_She's pulling down her long sleeves  
To cover all the memories that scars leave  
She says, "maybe making me bleed  
will be the answer that could wash the slate clean"  
_

_Every day's the same  
She fights to find her way  
She hurts, she breaks, she hides, and tries to pray  
She'll be just fine, cause now he hears her when she cries_

"Atemu, I told you. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions."

I shrugged. "I know, you said."

Kyle's eyes tightened, even Yugi standing beside him looked guilty.

"Do you forgive me?"

I sighed. "Sure, why not?"

"Atemu...please...I made a mistake. I shouldn't have thought it but you've been so touchy lately what was I supposed to think?"

Anger flared like venom in my veins. My eyes snapped up to his face, narrowing in rage. Kyle jerked back like he'd been stung. Yugi shot forward, not touching me but close enough so I could feel his presence. A light I tried so hard to live without wrapped around my fragile mind, trying to sooth away the hurt. It might have worked if I had let it. I shoved it away, overpowering it with my darkness even though something inside me cried out, begging the light to return. Yugi showed no shock or disappointment, maybe he knew I'd do that, maybe he'd heard me call out. I didn't care. I threw a disgusted glance at Kyle.

"You're supposed to believe me! Aren't we friends? Or did someone else lie about that!" I snarled

A roar of voices erupted around me, I couldn't understand them all. I groaned, wincing at my sore wrist. The red hand print stood out, contrasting with my pale skin.

"Yami."

I couldn't ignore the voice that beckoned to me. "....Yes?"

"Does your wrist hurt?"

"No. It'll be ok."

"All right." He knelt down in front of me, like I had with him so many times before when he needed support, when he wanted it. Ra...what do I want? " You know that Kyle never lied to you about his friendship, right?" I didn't give a response. He continued anyway " You understand that Darren had a swelling wrist which looked worse than your injury. Darren also managed to tell his twisted story first. Not to mention that myself, Jou and Seto were there. It was a reaction, Kyle believed him because of the evidence he saw. But now he understands and he's sorry. Try to forgive him?"

"Don't patronise me, Yugi. I know what he thought."

"Do you really?" I nodded slightly, risking a glance into amethyst depths "Then you also know that I would never ever lie to you about friendship knowing how important it is to you. I didn't. You were my best friend and my protector. I made a terrible, horrible mistake by doing what I did to you."

"Why do you keep saying it like that?" He blinked, bewildered "Saying it like it's a crime. Aren't I the one who was wrong? Who upset and disgusted you? Isn't it my fault?"

Yugi grabbed my hand in his, I jumped before settling into the warmth. "No. If that's who you are then you have done nothing wrong. You did nothing that deserved to be hit or to be abandoned. Understand that."

"I...don't believe you're sorry."

A strange emotion flickered into my mind. Yugi's pain and his fear. It hurt me, struck that hidden, secret part of me.

"I know." Yugi sighed "But I'll keep saying it until you do believe me."

_....I'd give anything for this heart to be unbroken...._

I said nothing, looking behind Yugi to the history standing behind him. All those memories hidden behind faces, all the good memories hidden from me, surfacing only in my dreams. Catching Jou's eye, my hand crept to my neck, hiding the scarred skin from him. If he understood it didn't show. Seconds ticked by in silence, I had no words to break the spell and barely the will to do so. Jou spoke suddenly.

"Everyone out. Yugs and Yams need to talk."

I'm fairly sure someone started to protest but soon everyone had filed out.

I was left with Yugi.

Yugi didn't move....He just sat there watching me....

....My eyes drifted to his....

....So stunning....like sunlight.....

I felt drawn to him....a moth to a flame....

.....My pain....my beautiful addiction....

_Caught in your spell_

.....NO!......

_/I know...you hurt.../_

He spoke-like he understood....

He spoke and the spell shattered.....

....It shattered!.....SHATTERED!....Why won't it shatter?

Though I had ripped my eyes away from his the mind link refused to tear. It held, never wavering even though I tried to shred it, pull it apart and burn it.

"No."

Startled I looked up at Yugi. His face was determined, his jaw set. "I'm not letting you do that Yami. Not this time."

And I understood.

With a snarl I tried again. Using everything I possessed to try to destroy the link to my heart, to my past. Nothing happened. Not even a crack. It hurt, a sharp pain in my mind, like I'd been dragged over glass. Then it felt like I'd hit a brick wall, so strong, I couldn't punch through it.

I thrashed, lashing out, determined to hurt. Hoping I could shock him enough to loosen the chains he had me in. He never allowed that to happen. A sharp pain like a thousand knives ripped through me, my mind, my soul. I hissed, gripping my head. Then as soon as it had come, it was gone. I gapped, not understand.

"What happened?" I asked

"You can't break it. I won't let you." Yugi replied

"You can't stop me."

"Evidentially, I can."

"Why won't you let me?"

His face softened, his hands squeezing my gently. "Because you need it."

"I don't..."

"Yes. You do."

" I won't ever talk to you! It'll be like it's not even there."

"That's fine. Use it for emergencies. Like you did earlier."

Confused, I frowned "Earlier...?"

"With Darren. You called out to me. That's how I knew you needed h-."

"Don't say it! I don't need help!"

"If you say so. It's all right if you do."

"Stop that! Stop being so understanding! Hit me! Scream at me! Call me names! It's no more than I deserve."

I felt Yugi's confusion through the gaps in the link. With a growl, I started to cement them closed, pouring darkness into them. But Yugi's light fought back.

Suddenly....there was a battle within my mind....one I couldn't handle.

Countless knives-carving my weakened mind.

Fire-Searing my broken heart.

Claws- Ripping, tearing at my fragile soul.

I couldn't take it.

My defiance.

Yugi's determination.

It all chipped away at me in agonising slow motion.

For seconds, I couldn't react, numbed by pain....

And then it stopped.

My wounds were touched by angel's wings and they faded from my consciousness. Gasping, I collapsed back into the chair, Yugi's hands now at my face.

"You ok?" He asked gently

"W-What was that?"

Yugi shrugged. "Bit of everything."

"Oh."

"For the record, I'm not going to hit you. I'm not going to call you names or scream at you."

"What are you going to do?"

For the first time, he seemed unsure. "I don't know."

I shrugged of Yugi's hands and they resettled, clasped over my own. I couldn't remember a reason why I should remove them.

_She'll be just fine, cause now he hears her when she cries._

"I missed you, you know." Yugi whispered

"You've said that all ready."

"But you don't believe me." I shook my head. "One day you will."

_I'd like to believe that....I really would...._

Yugi smiled gently before slowly lifting his hand to trace it down the curve of my face. I watched him without blinking. He seemed so sad, his fingertips trailing lightly over my skin, like he was familiarising himself with me again. I couldn't reach out to touch him, my morals keeping my hands in place. But his touch against mine made that small, childlike part of me flutter and beg for more.

Then the door was thrown open and Yugi's hand retreated. I silently whimpered in protest before turning around to face the intruder with a mixture of relief and anger.

"Jamie? What's going on?"

"Oh. I'm sorry." He said sourly. "Didn't realise you were entertaining."

I didn't understand why he was so angry with me. Yugi rose, smiling softly at me. "See you later Yami."

"Later Yams!" Jou called from outside the door.

"Bye." I murmured

I wasn't prepared for the glare I got from Jamie. It was so full of anger and something close to hurt. I couldn't deal with Jamie.

"I have to go." I informed him, slipping out from the room.

I felt Jamie's murderous gaze boring into my back as I fled to my room.

...._I don't understand...._

* * *

Sorry about the length.

Hope you enjoyed the Yugi/Yami moment.


	14. Enemies in the light

Hello! Lots of lovely reviews, THANK YOU!

Keep happy and reviewing!

Much love!

.....................................

Tears don't fall.

Enemies in the light

Atemu.

Later, I confronted Jamie. Confusion and anger swirled around in my head, waltzing in a deadly dace. I cornered him whilst he was stretched out on the couch, drinking up a clichéd soap opera. When I blocked his view of the screen he looked up annoyed.

"What the hell is your problem?" I demanded

Hazel eyes flashed. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Like hell you don't! I want to know."

He snorted, leaning around me to watch the screen. "You're making things up."

"I am not. Why was Scott yelling at you? Who's this person you were arguing about?"

Surprise rippled across his face, his mouth dropping open. I smirked in triumph.

"You heard that?" He asked. "How much?"

"Not a lot." Jamie relaxed. My eyes narrowed "You're keeping secrets from me! I don't like it."

"That's tough. We all have to go through things we don't like."

"Why does everyone else know except for me?"

"No one wants you to know."

His words stopped my rant as I acknowledged the hurt that rocketed through me. In my stunned silence, Jamie studied me, eyes assessing my reaction. Finally I composed myself and shot a glare at Jamie.

"Why the fuck not?"

"Because you'd act like a spoilt child and demand to be told."

I growled "Fuck you!"

His eyes rounded on me, something burning inside. "Try it."

Something in his expression warned me, told me to move away from him. For moments I stood, frozen, watching the monster replacing my friend. Then my body thawed out and I turned away from him.

"You're messed up, man." I said over my shoulder. "You can't keep secrets from me. That's not fair."

"And you're just a coward. Can't admit you're in love. Can't see what's in front of your face."

Anger shook, I left the room.

_....Stuck up jerk....._

Scott was the next person I intarigated. Frustrated, I rounded on him whilst he was listening to music. I ripped the headphones off his head, he jumped, confusion shooting across his face.

"Um...Até? You ok?"

"Why are you keeping secrets from me?"

"I'm not."

"Yes you are. Jamie says."

"And you listened to him?"

"I've noticed it too. You yell at Jamie. He glares at me. Kyle glares at both of you...what is happening here?"

"Honestly Atemu. I don't know what you're talking about." His eyes shifted away from me and suddenly he wouldn't look at me.

"You're lying to me! Why?"

"I'm not lying....seriously..."

"Don't act like I'm stupid! Why were you and Jamie arguing?"

"We weren't arguing exactly."

"What were you doing?"

"Discussing important matters."

I growled, anger swarming around my mind, buzzing in the gaps, pricking it's fingers into the cracks. I turned swiftly, leaving the room in a storm of rage and betrayal.

_....I don't want to believe it..but...is it possible that friendship is a lie?...A figment of the imagination to quell the lonely thoughts? _

_Do all humans crave affection but don't find it? Do they make it up? _

_....or...._

_Am I really that much of a hideous person?_

I didn't even bother going and asking Lucy or Kyle, knowing I'd get the same evasive response.

_What are friends?  
Friends are people that you think are your friends  
But they're really your enemies, with secret identities  
and disguises, to hide their true colours  
So just when you think you're close enough to be brothers  
they wanna come back and cut your throat when you ain't lookin_

_Enemies in the light...._

Annoyed, I turned away from the direction I was heading in, throwing myself down in the spare bedroom.

A part of me new it wasn't right to complain about what I had...however small it was....but I couldn't help it.

It was all slipping away from me...trickling through my fingers...now I know...I never really had it....Just...an illusion...

_Ra, if you can hear me...help me...just once more..._

But it was silent. Even the gods, the beings that had created me, abandoned me.

_...A forsaken little boy...._

A wild punch made my fist connect with the wall. I bit back a curse, wincing at the rapidly swelling joint. Fascinated, I watched blood seeping through the abused skin. Eventually I sighed and ripped the blood on my jeans, shrugging of the pain, physical and emotional.

_Admit it Pharaoh...you're slipping....walking on a knife edge.......dreading the final inevitable blow...._

_...Afraid to fall?....Pharaoh afraid to fall?...._

_No one will catch you...no one cares....Pharaoh's gonna fall...no one cares....Pharaoh's gonna fall...you're...UNLOVED!_

_FALLEN MONARCH! _

I pressed my hands over my ears, trying to smother the voices taunting in my head. But the voices were loud, singing, I couldn't block them out. No matter how hard I tried they staid, screaming, finding the cracks in my shield, the holes in my heart. They didn't make sense, my mind had no reason to hear the voices. I shouldn't be able to. I hadn't slipped into insanity, I was sure. Yet the voices bombarded me and before I knew it I was curled in on myself, trying to protect myself from something I couldn't....

My own shadowed mind.

My weakness.

_...PHARAOH'S GONNA FALL!....AFRAID TO FALL?...GONNA CRY?...BABY GONNA CRY?...NO ONE LOVES YOU!...EVERYBODY HATES YOU...PHAROAH'S GONNA FALL!_

_//YUGI!//_

_._

_._

_._

_/Yami?! What's wrong?/_

Like a tap had been shut of the voices stopped. The surprise drew a gasp of breath from me and I stared into space with startled pleasure.

_/Yami! Are you okay? Yami!/_

_//I- I'm fine. I apologise, Yugi. I did not mean to involve you//_

_/I-Involve me? Yami! You know full well that I want you to involve me, with ANY problems you have/_

_//I am aware of that. However there is nothing you can do at the present time. Bye Yugi//_

An impatient sigh was the last thing I heard before I shut the mind link of. A small smile had slipped onto my face and I hadn't even noticed. But somehow I found it hard to care. I couldn't fade the smile to memories. The voices had faded into my distant mind, no longer did I hear even the whisper of them.

_....Still....what were they?....Subconscious interfering with conscious?...._

Shrugging, I stretched out on the bed, folding my hands behind my head.

.....Sleep came easily when there was something holding the nightmares at bay.

"Oh, man! Where is he?" A voice hovering on anxious brought me back to reality.

"Scott, chill, we'll find him." Kyle...

"But what if he left? He was really angry with us. Oh god! We've gotta find him!"

Soundlessly I opened the door, watching a flustered Scott darting glances into empty rooms. A laugh rose to my lips, I smothered it with my hand, still studying the situation with mirth filled eyes. He rushed down the hall, flapping his hands in a way I'd never seen before. With a sigh, Kyle followed him, muttering something under his breath. With an eye roll, I turned and wondered toward the kitchen.

I meet Lucy in it, humming softly to herself. She looked up at me with a playful sigh.

"Hello, Lucy!" I greeted

"Atemu, you've gotten the boys worked up. Scott's convinced you've left."

"I know." I said, reaching into the fridge, pulling out a can of beer. "I heard him."

"You didn't think to say 'hi'?"

"Nah. He'll find me sooner of later."

She swatted at me, laughing as I darted out of the way. Grinning I brought the can to my lips.

"Where were you anyway?" She asked, turning back to the plates she had previously been washing

"Spare bedroom. I fell asleep."

"Why on earth were you in there?"

"Wanted somewhere quiet."

"So like you."

"Cheers, Lucy."

"Anytime. Hold on, I hear Scott coming."

Grinning, I lowered myself to a nearby chair, taking a swig from the bottle. Lucy's laughter was quiet but joyful. I watched the kitchen doorway, catching the sounds of footsteps in the hall.

"Can't believe he's gone. Didn't even say bye." Scott mumbled as he appeared in the doorway, his gaze on the ground.

"He'll come back. His wallet's up in his room."

"Bet he's got money on him."

"Scott..." Kyle seemed at a loss of what to say.

I glanced at Lucy. She motioned toward a crestfallen, upset Scott. I nodded and stood up. He didn't notice as I stopped in front of him. With a growl, I poked his chest.

"You're no good hide and seek." I informed him. "Think I'll play with Lucy."

Scott seemed frozen. After waving my hand in his face, I shrugged and slid back down into the chair. Soon Scott thawed out.

"I thought you'd given us the slip!"

"As if! Where would I go?"

Scott laughed, clapping a hand to my shoulder. "Don't do that again."

.

.

.

"Jamie? Um...I'm sorry about earlier...I got angry."

"Whatever."

Slightly deflated, I frowned. "That's it? You're not even going to say that you forgive me?"

"No. Why should I?"

"Because I just apologised to you."

"And? You're not forgiven."

"Why not?"

Hazel eyes jerked up to me, cold, empty, emotionless. A shudder ran down my spine. Something wasn't right. I could feel the calm I had felt before turning.

_...The calm before the storm...._

"Why would I want to be friends with you?"

He stood up and I jerked backward. "...What?"

"Why would I want to be friends with you? A faggot?"

He brushed past me and out the door.

_...What just happened....?_

_Why did he say that?_

.

.

.

Not as bad though....but bad enough....

.

.

.

I was barely aware that I was on my knees, one hand covering my eyes the other grasping the scar. _My memories._

_My curse._

_My shame._

_Why...Why can't I escape?_

_I drew my knees up to me, burying my face in them._

_Now what?_

.

.

.

"Yams?"

My head jerked up, surprise colouring my eyes.

Jou...

Oh Ra! He'd agree with Jamie!

He stepped toward me, concern on his face.

I couldn't understand.

I saw his concern, his love, what he wanted.

.....My last defence broke....

...................................................

Done!

I'm very very very sorry!


	15. Come back to me, my lost friend

Hello!

Keep happy and reviewing!

Much love!

.................

Tears don't fall.

Come back to me, my lost friend.

Jou

We knew something was wrong.

Yugi was edgy. Convinced that Yami was hiding things again. He said that somehow...Yami had sounded like a lost child. Confused and frightened. Then the switch flipped and the mask was back.

That wasn't Yami. Not the Yami I remembered. The Yami I knew would never let his mask down in the first place.

Could he really change so much in four years?....Suppose four years is a long time....

Something inside me screamed that things weren't right. That Yams was hiding things and I needed to reach him.

Yugi knew. He knew that I needed to say my piece to Yami. Try to reform the broken bonds, fix the broken trust. Yami wouldn't make it easy but I have to try.

That's why I'm here....outside his house...preparing myself for the Yami that lies inside.

Sighing, I knocked on the door, barely having to breathe before it was wrenched open. I recognised the man who walked out as Jamie, the snappy, unpleasant man that had defended Yami.

"What are you doing here?" He growled

"I'm checking on Yami."

He knew who I was talking about and something flashed over his face. He left, barging into my shoulder and turned out of the drive. I shrugged, taking his reaction as an invitation. I hovered in the doorway, unsure, not quiet ready to waltz into someone's house and demand to see a man I wronged so many years ago.

"Hello?" I called out

The raven haired girl, Lucy, stepped out of a room. Her eyes widened when she saw me but no other reaction crossed her face.

"You here to see Atemu?"

"Yes. Yugi was worried about him."

"And you?"

"What?"

"Why are you here instead of Yugi?"

"I...I'm worried too. I want to make amends. Please?"

"What's your name?"

"Jou."

"Go and see him Jou. It might do him some good."

"Thank you."

"He'll be in the living room. Just follow the sounds of the T.V."

"Okay. Thanks."

"Please...make him smile again..." She breathed. I turned back to her but she was gone.

I followed the sounds, it sounded like some documentary. I smiled, Yami used to watch them all the time, trying to make sense of his new world. A lifetime ago. I pushed open the door, glancing around the room for him. I couldn't see him. Just as I was about to leave the room, a flash of blonde caught my eye. I stepped around a chair, finding him huddled against the wall, one hand clasping his neck.

"Yams?" I called out

His head whipped up, frantic, panicked eyes met mine. Crimson so brilliant was terrified in a way it should never be. He shook his head, bringing one hand up to his mouth, trying to stop something. Concerned I walked toward him.

And whatever dam that had been protecting him broke.

Crystal tears started to fall.

Something inside me lurched and I was beside him. He backed away from me, curling in on himself.

"No. No, no!" He moaned

"Yami...what's wrong?"

"G-Go away." His voice was thick with tears.

"No."

"Yes." He knuckled his eyes, not reacting when I drew him toward me. "Go away."

"I can't, Yams."

He struggled weakly as I placed my arm around his shoulders, one fist moving to bang against my chest. I don't think he was trying to hurt me. But the ineffective weapon kept knocking against my chest. I held him to me, guilt building up when he stiffened against me when my grip got to tight for him. When the tears dried, to quickly, I could tell that there were still more tears to cry. More tears that he wouldn't allow himself to cry. He pushed away from me, standing and leaning against the wall.

"Why are you here, Jou?"

I gapped. How could anyone change emotions that quickly? It took him a matter of seconds to pull the mask back on. Looking at him now, I could see no trace of tears. It was impossible to tell that he had broken down. Now, he looked calm and collected. Exactly how I remember him.

"I...I wanted too see you."

"Another misguided attempt at forgiveness?"

The barb hurt, striking that part of me that only he could control. He had a small part of all of us. Slowly he was allowing us to reconnect with it. All the time making venomous remarks, purposely hurting us. But I understand. He's hurting us like we hurt him. But unlike us...unlike me...he'll never use violence against us. He's just not that sort of person. He just won't. But I know the damage he can inflict with the words he can deliver.

"I suppose. I want you to forgive me."

"What makes you think I'll forgive you?"

"You're trying to hard to convince me that you won't."

Nothing. No change. "Nah. I'm just making sure you know I won't."

So calm. With that mask he knows how to play the games. Knows how to bend the rules and turn them back on me. He's a master. He won't fall for my tricks anymore. He won't be sentimental. The time of witnessing his emotions has passed.

....Meet the Pharaoh of Ancient Egypt....

_My lost friend, my brother...._

_...Find a way, Jou...take down the mask...find him again...._

"You're starting to forgive otherwise I wouldn't be here. You'd have kicked me out."

Eyes that flashed in the light turned to me, a smirk played on his lips. "Believe me, I still can."

I didn't doubt him for a second. "So, why haven't you?"

"Thought that if I gave you the chance to speak you'd leave me alone. But you're not going to are you?"

"Not a chance."

The smirk didn't leave his face. He leant his head back, closing his eyes, waiting for me to start the conversation. I had nothing to say. The words I had wanted to tell him stayed hidden.

"You know." He said suddenly. I glanced to him. "I don't respond to Yami or Yams anymore."

"I know."

"So why'd you keep calling me it?"

"Because that who you are to us. This..." His hair, his clothes, his attitude "Isn't you."

He opened his eyes and raised a sceptical eyebrow. "Oh? Who am I then?"

"Not this. You're not this cold and closed off. You're not supposed to be this way."

"I'm not any different to how I was the day I left."

"Not true! Before you left you were starting to trust us."

"Yes. STARTING! But I don't anymore."

I groaned. "You've always been cold, Yams. But you've always cared."

"I used to care. But you showed me that I was a fool too."

I chocked on the air in my throat. I had taught him that? Taught him not to care because it meant getting hurt?

"You're wrong. You are so wrong. Of course you should care! You don't always get hurt!"

"I have to say though, I like your lesson. I learnt a lot from you. Now I know not to let emotions get in the way." He looked at me, through my eyes almost into my soul. "Thank you Jonouchi. For my lesson."

Once again the Pharaoh had rendered me speechless, the rules shaping to fit him. The cards in his hand. The monsters behind him. He was ruthless and he didn't care. I saw all this, the man he had become, the boy I had lost and I felt sick. This wasn't how things were supposed to be.

"You're a Yami. Yugi's protector...How did you turn into this?"

"Events shape the person that you become. The events in my life made me this."

"Where's my best friend?"

Something in the shell cracked and his posture slumped a little. "He's not here, Jou."

"But where is he?" There was no logic to my words. I knew the boy I had known, had fought side by side with was gone. Swallowed by years of grief and anger. A victim to society and betrayal

But Yami said something that surprised me. "Somewhere even I can't reach him. Even if I wanted too."

I knew then, that he had tried to reconnect with his past. But every time, something inside fought back and the child slipped away from him. I looked away, trying to recover myself. When I looked back up the mask on his face was stronger than ever.

"You need to realise Jou. What happens if I forgive you and you do it again? There's nothing stopping you. Words are just words, not contracts. They're easily broken."

"Even promises?"

"Even promises. They're still just words. Humans are fickle creatures. Words are easily broken when to make someone's life easier."

"Even so, I promise, if you return to us, I'll never lay a hand on you or call you names."

"You can't keep that."

"Yes. I can."

"That day, Jou. Why did you hit me? I've been going over it and I can't work out why."

"I overreacted."

"But if anyone was going to hit me, shouldn't it have been Yugi? It was him I was speaking to anyway. Why did you chose to hit me?"

Why did I? I don't know.

"I don't know, Yams. Something snapped inside me. A part of me thought it was wrong."

"You and me both. But what did I do to you? I don't even recall insulting you. Why did you have to do it to me?"

He was staring at me, trying to understand and I had no answers to give him. I shrugged, watching as his head bowed momentarily.

"Until you can tell me why you did it. I can't forgive you."

It's what I expected. I knew he wouldn't forgive.

"I'll keep telling you I'm sorry. So will Yugi and Seto. We'll keep saying it until you believe us."

He smiled slightly. "Yes, Yugi said the same thing. And I'll tell you what I told him. Don't hold your breath. I won't forgive you."

"I'm sorry, Yami. I was so very wrong."

"You've said. But you haven't proved it yet."

I stepped forward, staring into the face of my lost friend.

_So close...but so far away...._

He didn't move, just watched. Pulling down the fabric of his shirt, I touched my fingers to his collarbone and he tilted his head slightly. Suddenly the scar, the one I had left him with came into view. It stood out against his skin. Marring his neck and climbing up his jaw. I traced it gently. He flinched beneath my touches, his breathing increasing. I pulled back, a sad smile in my face.

"I wish I could take it away."

"But you can't." He pulled the collar back up around his neck. "Go away Jou. Just go."

This time I listened to him. I wasn't any closer to him but I felt like something had been cleared. Yet I knew that something deadly lingered in the Pharaoh, closely guarded but ever present.

"Do you still love Yugi, Yams?"

HE looked up, smiling sadly. "You think I'd honestly tell you that?"

No. I suppose not.

_Come back to me, my lost friend._

................................

SORRY! SORRY! SORRY


	16. Second Grandson

Hello. Ok, don't get to excited, this chapter is the shortest yet and badly written.

SORRY!

Keep happy and reviewing!

Much love!

..................................................

Tears don't fall

Grandpa.

Second Grandson

This house is silent. It's a crypt.

The people who made it breathe aren't here anymore. One of them hasn't been here for years. I'm not sure he's ever coming back.

_Yami....my second grandson...._

_....I didn't mean to drive him away...._

I dream about him sometimes. I hold him close to me and rock him like a child. Sometimes he's caught in the clutches of nightmares, calling for parents long dead, for Yugi fast asleep next door and for me, standing over him. He cries in my dreams, begging us not to leave him. I can do nothing but hold him, knowing this is nothing but a dream. That I have to leave this dependent, frightened boy and return to reality. When I do wake, I'm greeted by this empty house and I have to laugh.

_This isn't how the story is supposed to go..._

I regret the words I spoke to him , all those years ago. I should've tried to understand, not punished him. I always forgot that this isn't meant to be his world. His world is in the past, waiting for him. His throne. I've never really understood why he never went back. Surely, he is still granted passage to the afterlife. I suppose that's another secret to unravel.

Entering the living room, my gaze rolled to the empty space. The space where the glass table should have been. I can still remember him, how he looked when I found him.

Broken.

That's the only word I can use. As I cleaned his cut, whispering comforting words I'm not even sure he heard, I could see him cracking. His gaze wondered back to the pile of glass that I had pulled him from, with confusion. He didn't understand what had happened. I didn't understand. Concern grew when Yugi didn't come to Yami. Had they argued? If so, why was Yami bleeding, looking so...haunted?

"_Thank you, Mr Mouto."_

Never. Never had I wanted to hear my name leave his lips like that. So full of defeat and fear. When I raised my hand to his shoulder his cowered and stiffened. He darted away so quickly, so afraid, yet so...angry.

_He's not supposed to be this way._

Come morning he was gone. Come morning, the search for him started.

I didn't think it would take so long.

Yugi never was the same after Yami left. He tried, I could see how hard that boy tried. He wanted to stay strong, smile for the rest of us. Sometimes, I almost believed him. But at night the tears came and his sobs sounded around the house. He called out for Yami in his dreams, pleading with him to come home. I could never calm him when those nightmares came. All I could do was sit beside him, watch as he called for his lost darker half.

Anger flared through me as I opened the back door and stepped outside. The rain fell heavily, thunder crashing in the distance. A storm. I watched the lightning I could see, daring it to come closer. Staring up into the grey, cold sky, a blaze of anger and resentment shot through me.

"WHY?" I screamed into the sky "WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO MY FAMILY? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF HIM! I TRIED! JESUS KNOWS HOW HARD I TRIED! YAMI ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS! HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE HOME, HERE WITH ME AND YUGI! NOT THE PEOPLE HE WAS FORCED TO ADOPT AS FRIENDS! PLEASE, PLEASE JUST BRING HIM BACK! LET MY GRANDSON HAVE HIS LOVE BACK! GIVE HIM BACK HIS LIFE!"

I didn't know who I was yelling at. Some higher power that I blamed for the destruction around me.

"Please, God, if you're there, it's me. I know I don't pray often enough and I don't go to church. But right now I have little faith. All I ask of you is to please, bring Yami back to us. Find away from him and Yugi to have the life they should have. That's all I ask. Amen."

I felt a little daft praying to something I didn't know existed. But right now I'll clutch at anything. I miss him, much more that I thought I would.

_I never told him that I loved him._

From inside the phone rang. I hurried to answer it. Snagging it of the hook I brought it to my ear.

"Grandpa. It's Yugi."

"Hello, Yugi. How is everything?"

"We've found him."

_Thank you._

"That's wonderful."

"The problem is he's so stubborn. He won't even think about coming back. Says his home is here."

"For the past four years it has been. You'll have to work hard to prove otherwise."

"I know. But he's so different. Hair, clothes, attitude. It's mad."

"I thought he would have changed."

"Yeah. But it's still him. Somewhere. I'll find him!"

"I have no doubt that you will. But be careful. Don't rush him."

"Yeah, I know. I'll take it slowly. Jou went to talk to him today."

"Oh? How did that go?"

"I'm not sure. Jou said that Yami was cold, kept evading his questions. Grandpa, Yami thanked Jou for hitting him."

_Oh, dear._

"Yugi, Yami is testing you. Pushing the limits, trying to bend the rules. Let him. Let him work out what you want his way. Don't pressure him. It he says things that hurt don't get angry. Keep repeating what you're there to do."

"So, I keep telling him that I want him to come home?"

"That's it. Be gentle but persistent." I sighed. "Yugi, you do realise that there's a chance he won't come back?"

"I know. It he's sure he wants to stay, I'll go. But not before I make him see what I mean. I l-. I'll bring him back."

_My boy, I know what nearly slipped then. And it's okay. _

"All right. Goodbye Yugi. Be careful."

"I will. Bye Grandpa."

He disconnected the phone and I followed.

Turning to the picture of Yami on the mantelpiece, the one Yugi never let us throw away. The one where Yami is smiling and the sun is beating down on him, I smiled sadly.

"I'm sorry we did this to you. I hope you come home. I need to say me piece to you as well."

_Please, God. If you're up there. Bring him home._

.............................

Sorry.

Questions?

Sorry.


	17. Face my fears sounds so easy

Thank for your reviews! For a while I feared that people had lost interest in this. That would be a shame, especially as the good parts are coming!

Keep happy and reviewing!

Much love!

........................................................

Tears don't fall

Face my fears....sounds so easy....

Atemu

Someone once told me that tears are for the weak.

I refuse to be weak, therefore I shouldn't cry.

But deep down inside....all I want to do is cry.

But these tears won't ever fall, won't ever stain my cheeks.

Furious with myself, I pushed away from the wall, watching Jou's retreating back. A part of me wanted to call him back, wanted our friendship back. But a louder, more violent part drowned it out, screaming rage and insults. I listened to it and turned away from the friendship offered by old faces.

_Even though....I know you'll hurt me...I WANT to know you again..._

_._

_._

_But you're not showing me....not reminding me what it's like to love....to see friends where now I see enemies...._

Annoyed, I rubbed my hands over my face, irritating my eyes but removing any evidence of tears.

"I'm sorry Yams." Jou's whispered apology reached me as he left.

I won't cry. His words won't reduce me to tears anymore. No words will.

_...Jamie....TRATIOR!_

I let the rage fuel me, let it squash my insecurities and fear. I'd fought too hard to be labelled...that word again. Achieved too much to let a narrow minded fool bring me down.

_Jamie...face me...your fears...The Dark Pharaoh of Ancient Egypt....Let me watch you fall._

The door opened and Jamie's voice sounded. I smirked.

_Checkmate._

The air in the kitchen was strained, atmosphere so tense it made the stomach churn. I didn't feel guilt that I was the one causing it. I didn't attempt to stop my glares. Didn't stop to think who the glares were aimed at. Kyle shuffled uneasily, guiltily, even though he didn't know why. Lucy's hands were focused on her coffee mug, avoiding me. Scott's face was hurt and concerned, not knowing why I was acting like this. And Jamie...he meet my gaze, trying to let me see him flinch. I smirked again. This time Jamie shuddered, I watched the fear roll around him.

"So...um...what's everyone done today?" Kyle's attempt to break the tension nearly brought a bubble of laughter to my lips.

Scott grabbed at the opportunity to talk, launching into a animated tale of his day. I couldn't hold onto his words, allowing them to wash over me.

_When did this place stop feeling like home?_

_When did these people become....strangers to me?_

I pushed away from the table, rising before Scott's story was finished. I ignored the eyes following me and the outburst of questions. Suddenly one voice reached me, stopping my footsteps and boiling the anger in me.

"Sit down Atemu. We need to talk." Jamie's voice was calm, not a hint of the malice I knew was there.

"You have no right to tell me what to do."

"I know. Still, sit. This needs to be sorted."

I turned to him, anger so close to the surface. I needed the burn of anger and the ice of my heart. It made me feel alive, strong.

"What's to sort out?"

He fidgeted. "What I said to you."

"Ah that! Mm, funny, I never realised that you're a backstabber! You're a nasty piece of work. Tell them what you called me!"

"What's going on?" Scott asked timidly

"Atemu. Stop it." Jamie begged

"Oh, don't you play the victim. Tell them what you said."

"No..."

"Fine I will. You said faggot! Faggot! Faggot! Faggot!....BASTARD! I HATE YOU!"

The stunned silence amused me, sending a thrill of adrenaline around me. Jamie seemed close to tears, his eyes shimmering in the light. I smirked again, watching as the tears built.

"That's right. Cry. Pathetic man."

I turned away. Not caring about the stunned, horrified faces. Throwing the door open, I ran. Away from them and away from me.

I watched the sun dying, bleeding red into the sky. As the air grew colder, my longing to return back to Scott weakened. Suddenly it felt like I didn't have a home. Sighing, I wrapped my arms around my chest, tightening the hold, trying to bring myself some comfort. Life never used to be this complicated. I used to know what my heart wanted. Know how to keep everything that hurt me away. I used to know my emotions, used to understand them. But now...I don't.

_Oh Ra....when did I become so wicked?....So jaded?_

"Hello Yami." A smooth, confident voice greeted.

I stiffened, refusing to turn around to meet the blue eyed man behind me. "Kiaba."

Kiaba stepped around, coming to a stop in front of me. Annoyed I raised my head, meeting those cool blue eyes with my own burning crimson. Rivals. But why doesn't he look at me like we are anymore?

"Are you here to convince me to come back?"

"In a way, I suppose."

"Why do you care? You're supposed to hate me."

"I never said I did. You just assumed."

"I assumed right."

"You didn't."

I rolled my eyes, the banter between us soon becoming pointless. Kiaba sighed and sank down into a nearby seat. His eyes didn't leave me and slowly I walked over to him, cautious. A gentle nod was all I got from Kiaba as I perched on the edge of the seat. Kiaba's eye rolled made me self conscious.

"Sit back properly, Yami. You aren't going anywhere."

"If I want to I will." HE opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off. "But I'll listen to what you have to tell me."

"Good."

I shuffled backward.

"Are you going to tell me anything new?" I asked "You all keep repeating the same thing."

"That's because we all want the same thing."

"But why do you?"

"Because I want what they want."

"I see. Kiaba...how's Yugi? Really?"

"Really? He's devastated. He's trying not to let anyone see but you've affected him so much."

I lowered my gaze, guilt rearing its head. "I would say I'm sorry but I'm not. You deserve to feel like that."

"I know you don't believe that. And this act of yours has to stop."

"It's not an act!"

"Yami, come of it!" Kiaba snapped, I fell silent. "I know you miss him. Miss all of us."

"So what if I do? What you gonna do about it?"

"Nothing except tell you to go and talk to Yugi. Go and talk to everyone."

"I...can't...I won't!"

"Sooner or later you're going to have to. You're both incomplete."

I groaned "I wish you'd all stop saying things like that. Tell me what you really think."

"What I really think?" I nodded. " All right. A part of me hates you. You tore us apart when you ran, you didn't give us a chance to apologise and you still won't. You won't listen to us. You intentionally hurt us, you know what to say to make it hurt. You scream and yet don't tell us what you're thinking!" He paused and something softened in his eyes. " A part of me wishes you'd come home. Not just for Yugi and Jou but for myself. I miss you. I'm not all that sure why but I do. I want us to be friends. I want you to stop looking at me and seeing an enemy."

"K-Kiba...I..."

"It's all right, Yami. It's a lot to take in. Yugi told me something yesterday. He said he'd give anything to bring you home. Anything. The price isn't to great where you're concerned."

"I don't understand that. If I'm so amazing why did you act like that?"

"Because we were surprised and we didn't understand. In a way, I envy you. You were able to speak, be different. Until we took it away from you." He sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Show me you're sorry. Please stop telling me."

"All right."

"I got your letter, Kiaba." He looked back at me, interested. "And I'm trying. If anything is going to happen, any hint of friendship it'll take time. To reconcile with Yugi and Jou will take time."

"Are you willing to try?"

"I don't know."

"Here." He shoved a piece of paper into my hand. "This is where we're staying. Come and talk to us."

He stood, starting to move away, leaving me sitting with a crumpled paper in my hand. A dream hanging in the balance.

_Face your fears and take it like a man._

"Kiaba! Wait!" He turned, surprise colouring his face. Suddenly my heart took over my head, the childlike part of me bursting forward. "S-Show me?"

He understood. "Come on then. Yugi's waiting."

I smiled and walked to his side.

_Maybe truces can be made...maybe I can forgive...._

...................................................

Sorry. I couldn't think of anything else to put.


	18. Bridges across chasms

Hello lovely people! Thank you a million times for your wonderful reviews! They make me smile and continue with writing!

Keep happy and reviewing!

Much love!

.................................

Tears don't fall

Bridges across chasms

Atemu.

Okay, why am I here?

What on earth possessed me to go with Kiaba?

I'm out of my mind...I must be...

But I want to be here, the thrill of fear is exhilarating.

Kiaba brushed past me, sliding the key into the lock of the rented apartment and pushing the door open. Leaving it wide for me. The gasp of air I inhaled did little to calm the nerves in me. I could run and they'd never catch me. But they'd be back tomorrow. I know that. I forced myself forward, crossing the threshold. Kiaba stood just inside the door, hidden from sight while I'd been out front. Confused I stared up at him "You hid? That's a bit childish, isn't it?"

"I wanted to see you make your own decision."

"Oh. Did I pass?"

"Yes. I'm impressed. For a moment I thought you'd run."

"Yeah. You and me both."

He chuckled. I hadn't heard him laugh in amusement before like that. It made a laugh rise to my lips, I battled it away before it could escape.

"Do they know I'm here yet?" I asked

"Doubt it. I didn't call ahead. Ah well, surprise them won't it?"

I frowned. "I don't want to be a surprise Kiaba."

He rolled his eyes, a grin tugging on the corners of his mouth. "Whatever you say, Yams. Come on, let's go find them."

"Don't call me that."

He didn't answer, the grin threatening to become a smile. With his arm thrown around my shoulders he lead me through the flat.

"You know what Kiaba?"

"Hmm?"

"You're not a prick anymore."

There was a moment's pause and a scowl fitted across his face before he laughed. "Thank God for that. You'd still be sitting on that bench if I was. Not to mention Jou would probaly be hospitalised and Yugi would be without his best friend."

"What happened?"

"Life."

I hadn't been expecting that answer and I had no come back. I blinked up at the older man, seeing how different he was for the first time. The change in him made me wary. I had failed to notice this change straight away. How much had I missed in the others? He stared back at me, the blue eyes no longer ice.

It was...strange....

The sounds of a TV blaring hit my ears and I turned my head in the direction it came from. Ryou looked up from the screen as we entered, his eyes widening in surprise.

"Yami?"

"Erm...Hi, Ryou."

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm not sure myself."

Ryou's eyes turned to Kiaba. "What did you do?"

"Nothing. I meet him in the park and invited him here. HE agreed."

"How long did that take you?"

Kiaba smirked. "A while."

The white haired man turned to me, a smile stretched across his face. "I can't believe you're here!"

The bubbly nature was so similar to what I remembered I smiled. Suddenly my arms where full with an excited Hikari. I staggered slightly but before I could do anything, Ryou was gone, stepping back. He looked embarrassed but the smile never left his face.

"I'm sorry! I just...can't believe you agreed! Oh man! Where's Yugi? I gotta tell Yugi!"

He dashed out the room, practically bouncing, I stared after him, blinking in shock and slowly looked up at Kiaba.

"Is he always like that?" I asked hesitantly

"Yup. He's been like that for a while. Keeps us entertained."

"Oh. Are you all here?"

"Yeah. Well everyone except Honda and Anzu. Honda's looking after his parents and Anzu's caught up with her latest boyfriend. They want to see you again."

"How's Mr Mouto?" Something flickered across Kiaba's face. I panicked "What? Is he okay?"

"Easy, Pharaoh. He's well." I relaxed. "It's odd hearing you say Mr Mouto instead of Grandpa."

"W-well...what else would I call him? He isn't my biological grandpa. I don't deserve him as one."

Kiaba groaned. "We are working on your self- confidence."

"Whatever you say, Kiaba."

"Pharaoh."

"Priest."

He pointed to me "Loser."

I pointed to my chest. "Victor. On several occasions."

I watched Kiaba gap, trying to come up with a comeback but grasping none. I smirked. Eventually Kiaba threw his hands in the air.

"Fine! Victor! I bow to your superiority!"

"That's more like it."

"So...The Pharaoh's returned."

I groaned, turning around the meet the white haired Yami. "Bakura."

"I wondered what had gotten my Hikari so excited. And what do I find? Pharaoh Atemu and his High Priest squabbling like children."

I snarled.

"Hello Bakura." Kiaba greeted

"Kiaba. Pharaoh."

"Tomb Robber!" I spat

Bakura rolled his eyes. "Well that's original."

He sank down onto the couch, watching me with hawk like eyes. Moments later Kiaba sat down, leaving me standing feeling awkward. Suddenly the longing to run flooded through me.

_Why am I running...From them?...Look at them...What are they going to do to me?...I still have shadow magic..._

_...Well yeah....but that didn't help you last time...you wouldn't even use it..._

_Of course not! I don't actually want to hurt them!...Shadow magic is so..._

_...Unstable?...Course it is...it's a part of you..._

I studied the two men before me, assessing them, looking for threats. Sensing my change in attitude, Kiaba leant forward, his eyes locked on mine. Bakura was suddenly coiled, waiting to spring.

Would I get to the door in time?

"Sit down , Yami." Kiaba ordered

"I'll stand."

Kiaba growled. "So stubborn!"

Footsteps on wooden floorboards made me tense, eyes snapping open. Jou and Yugi rushed into the room, hope on their faces. I'd never seen Yugi smile so bright. I'd never seen Jou's eyes so clear. They were happy, ecstatic that I'd come, that I'd stayed.

"Yami!" Yugi smiled, stepping closer to me. I didn't move.

"Hi, Yugi."

"Did Seto drag you here?"

"I wanted to come. I... think we should talk...all of us..."

"Really?" Jou exclaimed "You're serious?"

"Y-Yeah. I'll...try and make it work...but don't hold your breath...I don't think it's going to work."

"If you try we'll be happy." Yugi reassured.

"All right."

"Yami, forgive me but I need to do this."

Before I could ask what I wanted, Yugi had crossed the small space between us and placed his arms around me. I stiffened, considering pulling away. But Yugi's grip was strong, his hand moving soothingly across my shoulders and down my back. I heard my heart increase, the fractured cracks starting to knit together. The child in me sob in relief, wanting to be held, to be loved, while the adult part of me hushed it and shoved it away. I didn't move my arms but slowly my body relaxed into familiar arms. He still smelt the same, his hair still tickled my face. His mind brushed gently against mine, not intruding, just letting me know he was there. His head rested against my shoulder instead of my chest. He was taller now, four years taller...it was...nice. Reassuring in some way. Against my better judgement, I smiled.

_...I remember you...how you made me feel...surely...you won't be cruel again...you won't take it away...will you?_

His arms loosened and he stepped back to stare into my face. "Thank you." He murmured

My mask started to slip again. "Y-You're welcome I suppose."

His eyes were bright, like something had fallen away from them and he stood a little straighter. His expression was soft, caring...almost...loving...

I shot that down before I could start to believe it.

_...Atemu, stop! Don't fall for love again...you know he doesn't mean it that way..._

"Thank you." He whispered again

A hand grasped my chin gently before pulling away. I followed his progress, watching as he came sit beside Jou. I hovered in the middle of the room, uneasy and nervous. The gazes on me made me self conscious, I dropped my eyes to the floor, suddenly interested in the bland carpet. Someone's hand found my sleeve, I looked up, meeting the back of Jou's head. He settled me down on the couch, between Yugi and himself. A gentle smile was his reward, a grin lit up his face.

"So, Yami. What did you want to talk about?" Kiaba asked, leaning around Bakura to see me.

"Uh..well..I...you see..."

_Do I tell you what's in my heart?....How do I say it without hurting?...Without driving more barbs between us?_

_...Do you even want to know?..._

Unsure, I looked away again. A gentle nudge on my hand brought me round to face Yugi.

He smiled sadly. "It's all right, Yami. Say what you want to say and don't worry about upsetting us."

Jerking up from the seat, I turned around, glaring at Yugi. "You wanna hear what I really think? I think I hate you! No...I'm almost certain I hate you. But you know that, I've told you all the time."

Yugi nodded, standing up to stand in front of me. "I know that. We all know that. What else do you think?"

"I...I...Why did you do it to me?"

Yugi sighed. "I don't know. I was surprised, I didn't know you thought of guys like that, of me like that. Before I could say anything, get any thoughts in gear, Jou hit you." The blonde shuffled guiltily. "I was going to talk it through with you in the morning but you'd gone...I couldn't find you..."

"You weren't supposed to find me. But Ryou messed that one up."

"And I'm glad I did." The white haired Hikari growled. I never heard him talk like that before. " If I had kept quiet I would have lied to my friends and we'd never be here. Because let's face it, you wouldn't have called, would you?"

"No...I wouldn't. I didn't want to. In years to come, I might have. But certainly not when you showed up."

Ryou nodded, satisfied his point had been proved. "I thought so."

I growled at him, watching as he flinched back. Bakura snarled at me on reflex, I pointedly ignored him.

"Why didn't you want us to know where you were?" Kiaba asked

"You remember last time, right? You hit me. You honestly think that I wanted to be around you?"

"I understand. But what about after? Years after, why did we get a phone call?"

"I didn't want to talk to you."

"Why?"

_I missed you all...so much..._

"I just didn't want to."

Kiaba frowned, Jou jumped up placing a hand on Kiaba's arm. "Sit down, Seto. It's all right."

Furious blue eyes turned to Jou. "But Jou!"

"No, Seto. I want to hear what Yami has to say. Including the bad parts."

A curt nod was motioned in my direction and Kiaba sank down into the couch.

"...Seto...? Not Kiaba?"

He smiled, sympathetically, understand immediately. "Seto. Not Kiaba. Not anymore."

"Why?"

"Because now I have friends. I don't need to be Kiaba anymore. I let him go a long time ago. You could do the same."

_Leave the Pharaoh...leave Atemu behind...become...Yami again?_...Could I do it?

"I..."

"Take your time." Yugi smiled

"Yami. Call me Seto."

I faltered. Call him Seto? My rival, forget all those years? Add another friend to all those I left behind me?

"Maybe one day."

He nodded "That's good enough for me."

I sighed. "I have no new accusations for you. You all know what I think."

Yugi gently touched my arm, curiously I meet the amethyst eyes. " Yami, I know that you won't trust us that easily. I know it will take you even longer to forgive us. We're not expecting miracles. We just want you to try. And you are. I can see that now. Thank you."

"You're welcome. I am trying."

"Yami, remember that duel with Dartz? What you did?" I nodded. How could I forget? I carry the guilt and fear deep within me. It isn't going anywhere. "I forgave you. Jou and the others forgave you. You understand?"

I shook my head, the cryptic message lost on me.

Jou smiled patiently. "He means, we forgave you. Isn't it time you did the same?"

"You compare this to Dartz?"

Seeking to sooth my anger, Yugi's hand rubbed soothing circles into my skin. " In a way, yes. We both made mistakes, acted before we fully thought the consequences through. You played the card. We hurt you, hit you. We didn't think about what happens afterwards."

"I understand, I do. But I'm not as forgiving as you. I need more time."

"You've had four years!"Bakura spat

"I've had four years of hating you! I didn't ever think about forgiving you. As far as I was concerned you were all dead! History to me. I have no reason to forgive history!" I snapped

Beside me, Yugi had flinched at my words, tears collecting in his eyes. I watched the build up and slowly I started to panic.

"No...oh, Yugi...please...don't cry. I didn't mean it."

"No, Yami. Don't ever take back what you say. It's what you felt. I understand."

Guilty, I stared down at my feet. "I'm sorry, Yugi."

"Don't be. I'm not."

I smiled. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket before I heard it. Annoyed I hooked it out of the pocket, glaring at the screen.

Jamie...I glanced at Yugi.

"Can I...?"

"Go ahead."

I smiled, snapping open the phone.

"What?" I growled

"Where are you?"

"Out."

"Don't be like that. I'm sorry."

"I don't want your apologises."

"Até. Please." Tears were building in his voice.

"Oh, go cry to someone who gives a fuck."

"You're a cruel, disgusting faggot!"

_Funny...that word doesn't hurt as much anymore..._

He hung up, the dial tone rang in my ear. I took the phone away from my ear, throwing it away from me in disgust. It settled next to Bakura, who pocked it.

"Who pissed you off, Pharaoh?"

"None of your damn business."

"Yami. Are you okay?"

I turned to the owner of the voice. My once aibou...can you be my aibou again.

"I'm not sure."

"I'm here for you."

The pale hand I remembered so well. The one I dreamed about, cupped my cheek.

_....See me now...building bridges across chasms...._

.......................

I am so sorry.


	19. Wishes on falling stars

Hello everyone! Here's the next chapter.

Keep happy and reviewing!

Much love!

HikariTenshiYamiTenshi- Thank you for pointing out that mistake. I hope it's corrected this time round.

I am almost ashamed to post this chapter...the disgrace that it is...

...................................................

Tears don't fall

Wishes on falling stars.

Yugi.

My wildest dream came true today.

Yami started to let go of the past.

I could see a frail trust building in him....timid...frightened....

...but there...

I'll fight to keep it there.

I leant around Jou, seeking out Yami, watching him smile hesitantly at Ryou. He was seated on the floor, a magazine before him, Ryou and Seto seated beside him. That smile on his face wasn't quite right. There was still something missing, hidden deep inside. I burned to bring it out of him, see the smile I remembered. The one that made me feel invincible. I wanted to the smile of a Pharaoh, confident and full of life. Not this timid one he hid behind, even thought it was beautiful in its own way. I didn't feel any closer to bringing it out of him. But sometimes, I was sure I saw it. But not now, I had a long way to go. He was still tense, unsure of what to do, hesitant of what to say. Every so often his eyes darted to the door and away. Each time when I thought he was going to leave, he'd turn back to one of us and watch. He never started the conversations, never tried to force his opinion on us but he nodded in all the right places and soothed out any frazzled tempers. I grinned as he flicked the blonde fringe out of his eyes and scowled in response to the words that had just left Seto's mouth. Seeing him with this new hairstyle still sent tremors of sadness around me. It wasn't him. Not how he's supposed to be anyway.

_But if you're happy...I'll adjust..._

_...You're still so beautiful..._

I meet his eyes, watching as ice crimson thawed out momentarily. A smile danced around his lips, tugging on the corners. I grinned back, putting every ounce of my happiness in it, trying to reassure him. A gentle blush crept over his cheek bones. I smiled, something singing inside when he timidly found my eyes again.

_/I did miss you Yami/_

_//T-Thank you. I- It's nice to see you again//_

_Yes, Yami. I got that message. I know you missed me too._

Jou stood, and walking over to the small group, threw himself down next to Seto. I didn't miss the longing that flickered down the link, the want to have something back but the fear of getting hurt. Sighing, I followed Jou's example, moving to sit beside Yami. Gently I brushed our shoulders, relief flying though me when he stiffened but didn't pull away.

_...There's still a chance..._

Ryou drew away from the magazine page with a huff, earning a chuckle from Bakura. I glanced down at the page, grinning when I recognised the grid of a crossword. Ryou's frantic pen marks proved that the game had beaten him, the numerous crossing outs seemed to double the size of the grid.

"Something wrong, Hikari?"

"I can't do this."

"Of course you can." I assured

"No! I can't work it out."

"Give it here." I took the game from him.

_16: Art...(4)_

_14: light without heat or flames...(4)_

_1 : Semi or detached dwelling...(5)_

Confused, I stared at the words, trying to make sense of something that I knew was simple but I couldn't grasp it.

"Light without heat or flames....? What?"

"A bulb." Yami's quiet voice spoke

I turned to him in surprise. "A bulb."

He ran his finger down a column, counting out the letters. "B-U-L-B. That's four letters. A light bulb."

"It fits." Seto agreed

I took the pen of Ryou, hurriedly putting in the letters before the word trickled away.

I grinned at Yami. "That's great!"

"Can I see the rest?"

"Course." I put the magazine and pen in his lap.

Offering a brief smile, Yami looked down at the page. His forehead creased as he fought for the answers, the pen was subconsciously lifted to his lips, teeth nibbling on the lid. A warm, fluttery feeling tickled my stomach, my heart sang at the sight of him.

He was back. I had found him.

...Now...I just have to keep you...

"Art...Art WORK!" A quick scribble of a pen. "Semi or detached dwelling...dwelling...HOUSE!" Another word placed down. He looked back up at me and placed the magazine and pen in front of me. "Solved it!"

There it was. That confident smirk. The one that said he knew that he couldn't be beaten. Because he can't. He can't be kept down. He'll fight. Just like he's doing now. Seto laughed, slinging an arm around Yami's shoulders. Yami turned slightly to look at him, surprise lighting up his face.

"Erm...Kaiba?"

"We've spent hours trying to work that out and you come and solve it in a matter of minutes." I giggled as Seto fought to control his laughter. "You truly are the King of Games."

"I...am?"

Seto nodded. "Oh yes, for now you are. One day though I'll get my title back."

Yami rolled his eyes, a smirk finding his face again. "Keep dreaming, Kaiba."

"One day, Pharaoh. One day."

Yami gave a gentle chuckle. Nothing like the laugh he used to have.

_I will get you there...I will bring you back..._

Suddenly Yami's whole behaviour changed, something flickered over his face. I couldn't identify the emotion. It wasn't anger, more a distant longing. I didn't understand.

"I want you to know, I am a Pharaoh. I will always be a Pharaoh. I will always be Atemu. But...I..used to just be Yami...Maybe...one day...I can be him again."

I raised myself to my knees, turning around to face him and give him my full attention. "We're not trying to take Pharaoh Atemu away from you. But we want Yami back, if in the event you can't be him again, we'll work around it."

Yami sighed. "The thing is, Yami has always been so weak...like a child trapped, needing protection. Last time he got hurt. Atemu is strong...he's a ruler, protector of people. He doesn't need to be protected."

I'd never heard Yami address himself in third person before but it proved how desperate and confused he was.

"I understand, Yami. Yes, Yami was more sensitive that Atemu, sure he made more mistakes. But Atemu's kinda thick headed..."

"Not to mention a prat!" Bakura spoke up

"Yes, thank you Bakura." I sighed. "Okay, what I'm trying to say is Atemu didn't protect me, didn't protect us, it was Yami. Atemu stayed silent and let Yami do his job. Atemu isn't my Yami, Yami is. Understand?"

"I do."

I couldn't help myself, I leant over and pulled him into a hug. I remember how we used to hold each other like this. How strong he felt, how these arms made me feel secure and safe. I haven't felt like that for such a long time. No one can ever replace Yami, I can never replicate his smell, the feel of him. There will never be another one like him.

"I was such a fool to let you go. So stupid. Stay with me, please." I whispered

He heard and his grip tightened on me, his face pushing into my neck. "I'll try..."

_....what is this feeling I get around you...?_

I jerked at the sound of a mobile ringing. I checked mine, aware that everyone did the same. Yami stood up and stalked over to the couch, glaring at something hidden among the cushions. I leant forward and pulled the slim phone to him. Anger took over his features, I blinked when I string of what I guessed was Egyptian curses left his mouth.

_...So Grandpa was right...he can swear in different languages..._

He flipped open the phone, exhaling through his nose. "What?"

The reply that he got only seemed to anger him more. "I will not come back until I am ready, Jamie!"

Muffled exclamation.

"Yes. I'm with Yugi. Is that a problem?"

Yami snorted.

"Well it's got nothing to do with you, has it? I don't know when I'll be back."

Jamie yelled, I could hear his raised voice from where I was sitting. I watched as Yami trickled away, to be replaced by a cold, frozen Atemu. Sadness bit at me, he never used to rely on his other personality before.

"Don't call me that you worthless piece of shit!"

I gapped, Jou mirrored my expression. "Since when does Yami use language like that?" He whispered

"I...don't know."

But Yami was still yelling. "No! I'll come back when I'm ready. Goodbye Jamie."

He hung up, though I'm sure Jamie hadn't finished speaking. For a moment no one moved, we all just watched Yami as he stared at the phone in his hand. Slowly, one by one, his fingers opened and the phone dropped to the floor.

"Yami...?"

He turned back to me, a mask pulled over his face, his wall back and reinforced. Tears threatened, I hated seeing Yami like this. I stood up and walked over to him. I framed my face with my hands, staring into crimson eyes.

"You'll be all right, Yami. We're all here. All you've got to do is trust us again."

He didn't say anything. Just closed his eyes and let me hold his face.

_...He's so tired...and he tries so hard...._

.

.

.

"I'm so sorry you suffer like this. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to save you from the fall. I'm sorry that you don't have the strength to face your demons. I'm sorry that you're so afraid. I'm sorry for...everything..."

.

.

.

"Y-Yugi? Uhm...Can I talk to you?"

I smiled at Yami as he hovered in the doorway of my room. "Of course."

"I-I want to say thank you for trying. I'm sorry I have so much baggage and I let it drag me down. But I don't know what else to do."

"It's fine Yami. Everyone's got history. Yours is just..heavier that most people's."

He stepped into the room, glancing quickly around it, grimacing at the tasteless paint job. "Don't like it?"

"No. I don't. Yet, you don't either."

I laughed. "So true. So, what did you want to talk about?"

"A-Actually, I wanted to show you something."

"Oh-Kay..."

He tugged on his shirt collar, turning around to show my his shoulder. I stared silently at the tattoo that decorated his arm. I recognised it straight away. Anger flowed through me, nipping at my mind.

The Seal of Orichalcos.

Why did he have that permanently drawn on his skin?

I looked up at him, demanding an answer.

"Don't look at me like that! When I got it, I was angry, I wanted something that upset you. It made me remember to be strong and fight for what I wanted." I opened my mouth to speak but he cut me off. "But I forgot the dark side of it. That it makes me lose control and be something I'm not. I forgot and I'm sorry." He pulled his shirt back up, adjusting the collar and avoiding my eyes. "I wanted you to know, now. I'm sorry. I'll go now."

"_I wanted something that upset you..."_

_...Didn't Grandpa warn me of this?..._

_Didn't he sat that Yami was testing me? Seeing how far he could push the boundaries?_

_...Like a frustrated teenager...needing to find his place...._

_But I won't let this push us apart._

"Yami! Wait!" He paused, body tensed, waiting for a fight that would never come. "I don't like it but I understand. You don't need to go."

"Thank you, Yugi."

Jou approached us, beaming. "Hey, Yams. There's a spare room here. Stay for the night?

"Stay?...Oh...I don't know...I shouldn't...I'm sure you don't want me around any longer...and Kyle will be worried."

I shrugged. "We have a phone. And I agree with Jou. It's late. It isn't safe to travel in cabs this late at night and I'm not letting you walk home."

I could see that logic would eventually win.

But something told me that Yami had no desire to return home just yet.

_...What's happening Yami...._

"It does seem sensible...It is a long way home...All right. I'll stay but just for tonight."

_...Thank you God...Thank you for my miracle_

.

.

.

Whilst, he slept that night, lost in dreams, I watched him. I had missed him, I'd never made any secret of it but I had. These feelings I have around him I don't understand. I traced his face, pressing my fingertips to his lips.

That night...all those years ago...you kissed me goodbye, didn't you?

That's why my lips felt like that.

You'd wanted to say goodbye but couldn't face it.

You left a lingering memory of your lips instead.

I've only just worked it out.

You...you deserve better than what I can give you. But I won't ever let you go.

"I missed you, so very much. But you know that. I wish I knew what you want."

I wish I know what I want.

I leant forward, pressing my lips to his forehead. It wrinkled under the contact and he turned slightly into me. I smiled sadly.

"I'd do anything to rewind time. Give anything."

_...Last night...I wished on a star....I think it's coming true....._

.................

I'm very sorry.

The crossword was random and easy...I don't know what happened.


	20. Angels and Demons

Hello everyone! I know it's late but it's here. Hopefully it was worth the wait.

Hmm...hope you're still interested.

Much love!

Keep happy and reviewing!

...

Tears don't fall.

Atemu.

Angels and Demons

The harsh sunlight streaming through the curtain woke me next morning. Its glow had set my room a light.

A new dawn, a new day. Isn't that what they say?

Did I make a mistake yesterday? I fell so easily back into old routines and old faces. I almost forgot the hurt of the last four years. Did I give in to quick?

...Am I really ready to go back?...

_Will I ever be?_

Confusion swelled within me. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I knew what I was expected to do but wasn't sure if I could do it. I was expected to forgive, to pick up the pieces and act like it never happened. To just forget how much they hurt me. I wasn't sure if I could ever do that. That meant letting myself love Yugi again. Letting myself even believe that was possible.

It's not possible...not after all this time...not after all this hurt and betrayal.

_...still...never say never..._

What do I do?

...Someone tell me...

"Yami. Up!" Bakura ordered.

'Yami'...I hadn't been Yami for years. I'm not sure I even remember what it felt like to be him. Was it suffocating or was I free? Happy with myself and those around me. I remember when I first became Atemu. The day a thing called love got in the way and turned everything upside down.

_...The day a small boy shredded my heart and didn't let me piece it back together..._

_The day I realised I'd been living an illusion._

I rolled out of bed, throwing my shirt and jeans over the boxers I had slept in. Wearily I opened the door; Bakura stalked back down the hall and disappeared into a doorway at the end. When his voice erupted from the room, I followed silently. I hovered in the doorway, something I couldn't identify grasped my insides, clenching and twisting. Standing here, on the outside looking in, didn't feel right. My place was in the middle, surrounded by friends, real friends. I thought it was there, with Yugi but he let me fall. When I found Kyle and Scott I thought they could be my saviours. But I was wrong. Where do I belong?

_I can't believe there's no place for me...there has to be..._

_...What do I do if there isn't?..._

I just don't know.

"Good morning, Yami." Yugi chirped

I nodded in greeting. "Yugi."

"Sit down. Breakfast?" He asked, watching as I sat in the offered chair.

"Uh...What do you have?"

"Cereal and toast."

"I'll pass."

Yugi frowned and leant across the table, automatically I shuffled backward. I saw Kaiba raise an eyebrow before leaning closer to us.

"What?" I asked, cringing under Yugi's glare

"Are you eating?"

"E-eating? W-What?" I stammered in surprise

"Are. You. Eating? Are you actually putting food in your body?"

"Yes!"

"You sure?"

"Yugi!"

He smiled angelically "Just checking."

I rolled my eyes, tipping back on my chair, watching as Jou stumbled into the kitchen.

_I know why you asked that, Yugi...I know..._

_But don't worry. _

_...For...some reason...I don't think I fall that way..._

_If only these tears would go._

_...If only I knew HOW to cry..._

"Are you heading back to Kyle today, Yami?" Ryou asked suddenly.

A tighter, deeper knot formed in my stomach. I knew the anger that would wait for me once I got back. Refusing to trust my voice I nodded.

"When are you going?" Yugi asked sadly, sorrowful eyes flashing up to mine.

"Soon."

Yugi sighed before sending a smile in my direction. There was something hidden in that smile, I didn't understand it. Jou huffed and folded his arms across his chest.

"I don't like Jamie." He declared

"Jou!" Yugi hissed

"No, I have every right to say this. I don't like Jamie."

"All right." I allowed "Why?"

"I don't trust him. And he's rude."

"He sounds like you." Kaiba smirked

Jou growled, swinging a fist lazily in Kaiba's direction. Kaiba dodged it with a laugh. Jou sat back, bringing his gaze back to me. I stared back, waiting for the words I knew he wanted to say.

"Yams...I don't trust that man. Please, be careful around him."

"But I've known him for four years. Up until now he's been fine."

"Up until now?" Kaiba repeated, I cringed. "What's he done?"

"Nothing! Nothing at all!"

"Tell me."

"He hasn't done anything..."

"Yet." Jou added

I stiffened, shoving away from the table and standing, glaring at Jou. He flinched back, I heard someone behind me groan in exasperation but I ignored them.

"He isn't going to do anything! I've known him for years and he's never even tried to hurt me!" I snapped in irritation.

_Keep saying that...you might believe it..._

"Sit down, Yami. He didn't mean anything by it."

I studied Jou before sliding back down into the chair.

"Thank you."

I growled in response.

_Did I really ever have a place here?_

_I need to know...am I truly wanted?...Tell me...AM I?_

_Yugi I...need you..._

I shut the door behind me, closing off the world, my mobile clasped in my hand. There was one last thing I wanted to do before I left. I slipped down into an armchair, hearing to creak and groan under my weight. I hooked the crumpled piece of paper out from my pocket and punched the numbers into the phone.

_I'm out of my mind..._

The phone rang and my confidence wavered.

_I should just hang up...he doesn't want to talk to me._

I felt my confidence snap, I started to pull the phone away from my ear. A small amount of disappointment was swirling inside me.

"Hello? Game shop, how can I help you?"

_Oh, Ra! _

"Hello? Anyone there?"

_Now what?_

"H-Hello, Mr Mouto."

"Who is this?"

"It's Atemu, sir."

"Atemu...is it really you?"

"Yes sir. I-I hope you don't mind me calling you."

"Of course not! How are you?"

"I'm fine. How are you? They told me you're ok but I'd like to hear it from you." My voice was hesitant, holding an element of shyness it hadn't had before.

"I'm all right, Yami. I'm just an old man. You don't need to worry." I could tell he was smiling.

"Ok, sir."

"What's brought this on, Yami? I mean, it's been four years since you left, why are you calling now? Not that I mind, of course!"

"I-I-well...Yugi turned up and it made me think off you..." I babbled out a useless excuse, still not ready to admit that I'd missed him as well.

"How are you two?"

"We're... better, I guess."

"You haven't forgiven him, yet." It wasn't a question but a statement. Something cried inside.

"I can't. Not yet. I'm sorry."

"No, Yami, never sorry. We have no right to push you into a situation you're not comfortable with. If you can't love him again then that's fine. He'll settle for friendship."

"...I-I didn't say I didn't love him..."

"What are you saying?"

"That I don't think I should. I'm...afraid..."

"Don't be Yami. Yugi would rather die than hurt you again."

"Really?"

"Yes. Oh, Yami, these last few years have been impossibly hard for Yugi. He screams in his dreams and begs for you to come home to him. He would walk through fire for you any day. All he wants is for you to forgive him and come home."

"...Home..."

"Yes, Yami. This is your home and it'll always be your home. Your room, your books, your mess. It's still all here waiting for you."

"Oh."

_Is it possible?...Have I been running from the place I belong all these years?_

"There are a lot of things you don't know. And he's trying to understand but he doesn't know how to. Just...trust him again. Please."

"I'll try."

"That's all we're asking."

" Uhm...Mr Mouto...can I ask you something?"

"Of course, what is it?"

"D-Did you...miss me?"

There was silence at him end and I felt my heart drop. I started to blurt out an apology but his gentle, sincere voice quietened me.

"Yes, Yami. I missed you so very much. If I'd had known where you were...wild horses couldn't have kept me away."

"Thank you, sir."

"Yugi missed you too but I'm sure he's told you that."

"He has...I just don't believe. I need time."

"Take all the time you need."

"...I'm sorry..."

"Whatever for?"

"Everything."

I didn't hear him reply, I snapped the phone closed and shoved it into my pocket. I headed down the hall, pausing at the lounge, twiddling my keys around my fingers.

"I'm heading back, guys." I informed them "Thank you for letting me stay here."

Yugi jumped up and had wound his arms around me before I could react. He fitted perfectly against my body, his head found a place against my shoulder, pushed into my neck. He felt so strong and yet so small, my arms lifted around him. His grip tightened on me, a gentle hand running along my spine. He smelt the same, a scent that was uniquely his. The grasp on my body was possessive, protective like he wanted to shelter me. I almost let him, my fingertips moving to gently press against his sides. I felt him sigh against me.

For a moment everything was perfect.

Then reality barged back in.

I pulled away from him, he let his arms fall lose. His features showed only endless compassion and sorrow, his eyes held concealed misery. Some part of me wanted to wipe it away, to promise him forever, tell him that somehow we'd be all right. But I knew I couldn't. But standing there, watching him, for the first time I really considered the future. The future always promised Yugi, as the past had done. I'll always try to push it away, telling myself not to believe.

But my heart...it believed...

My head didn't...its logic can't fail me.

Yet a timid, fleeting smile crossed my lips. Yugi's answering smile was dazzling, his eyes sparkled in a way I'd never seen. He practically took my breath away.

"Can we come and see you again?" He begged

"Um...I don't see why not."

He let out a joyous laugh, so carefree that it made me chuckle. Jou stepped forward, we stared at each other. I saw regret and shame in his face.

_Maybe...our friendship can be salvaged..._

"Jou." I spoke carefully, not sure where my sentence was heading. "Will you come too?"

"Of course, I will."

He held his hand out to me. A piece offering and the first step back to him. There wasn't any hesitation as I clasped his hand in mine. I'd never known Jou to be emotional but his face was suddenly rippled with emotions.

"We'll see you soon, Yami." Yugi smiled.

"Yes."

I pulled my hand away and nodded in Jou's direction. The blonde beamed at me and disappeared out the door, a different spring in his step.

"Thank you." Yugi breathed

I turned to him. "What for?"

"For starting to forgive. He's so guilty about what he did. He misses you."

Momentarily, my head bowed. "I never wanted anyone to be guilty. I'm not sure what I wanted."

"I'm not sure I understand. But one day I will."

"I should head back now. Kyle will be getting worried."

"All right."

With a wave over my shoulder, I left the hotel behind me.

What had Mr Mouto mean?

_What doesn't Yugi understand?_

_._

_._

_._

_When are you going to admit you need him?_

_...Why does the air feel so...foreboding?...Why is the atmosphere screaming a warning at me? I don't understand._

_._

_._

_._

I slide my key into the lock, before stepping through and allowing it to softly close behind me. I could taste the tension in the air. Slipping my key back into my pocket, I crept forward. Someone was here, something had changed around me. The darkness was murmuring a warning, ordering me to turn back but still I moved.

"Hello? Kyle, Scott? Anyone here?"

The figure at the kitchen table halted my footsteps. Jamie looked up at me, his eyes full of murder and for some reason, betrayal. I couldn't work out what was wrong. His lips twisted into a scowl, I pretended I didn't see his fists curl around the can he was holding or his teeth clench together.

"What's wrong, Jamie?"

"Where have you been?" He barked

"Yugi's."

"Planning on letting us know."

"I don't have to tell you anything, beside, Kyle knew. I called him."

This proved to be the wrong thing to say. He let out a snarl and launched the can at me. I ducked and the can hit the wall above me. I stood back up and jumped away, capturing his gaze with mine.

"What the hell was that for?" I growled

"You're supposed to let me know where you go!"

"Why?"

"It doesn't matter why! I demand you tell me in future."

"DEMAND? You can't demand me to do anything. I didn't want to tell you because I knew you'd act like this!"

"TELL ME IN FUTURE, ATEMU!"

"NOT IF I DON'T WANT TOO!"

Somewhere inside I knew how illogical this argument was. Jamie's reasons made no sense to me. I couldn't see why he was acting like this.

"I don't want you seeing Yugi ever again!"

I spluttered in disbelief before anger surged in me. Suddenly there was molten lava in my veins, burning, searing my mind. The shadows quivered, coiled in corners waiting to pounce. I couldn't think past the rage and fury in my mind. My body was trembling with white hot wrath.

_/Calm down, Yami. I can feel the shadows. You're scaring them/_

Yugi's voice was the antidote to my fire, the balm to the gaping wound. Slowly the anger froze, snarling inside me. I stared back at Jamie. His eyes were cold, calculating my response.

"You can't tell me what to do!" I spat.

He rolled his eyes and started to walk toward me. I thought he was going to leave the room, my guard slipped. But suddenly he had grasped my wrist and span me round to face him. One hand was suddenly in my hair, pulling on the roots and holding my face in place. The malice in his eyes frightened me, I struggled in his grasp and his hands tightened. A cry of pain left my throat.

"You're beautiful." He murmured the hand that clasped my wrist loosened to stroke my face possessively. He smelt of alcohol and smoke. "I know you heard the conversation I had with Scott. Have you worked out who we were talking about?"

Wordlessly I shook my head.

"Pity. I thought you'd catch on quicker than that. I think I'll let you work it out."

His hand moved down my body, running over my back and down to my waist. The front door creaked open and Jamie leaped back. His eyes pinned me with a glare to rival the fury of the Gods.

"This 'conversation' DOESN'T leave this room. Understand?"

"Y-Yes."

"Good."

He stalked out the door, seconds later I heard him talking to Scott. You'd never know the monster lurking beneath. I collapsed backward into a chair, my hands hiding my face.

_W-What the hell just happened...?_

...

Ta-duh! Sorry about the late post.


	21. Screaming fears

Hello wonderful people. Another chapter ready. I pray you enjoy it.

Thank you for reviewing and your lovely positive comments. Many of you will not know how much it means to me...great...I've gotten emotional...

Keep happy and reviewing.

Much love!

...

Tears don't fall.

Atemu.

Make your own happiness

_Let me ruin your life, let me break your heart, then I'll ask you why we can't be friends. Let me rip your world into little pieces, let me destroy who you thought you were, and then I'll ask if we can be friends. _

_Let me hunt you down, let me lust over your body, then I'll ask why you fear me. Let me threaten you and drive fear into your heart, then I'll ask why you can't love me. _

"Did you have a good time with Yugi, Atemu?" Scott asked

I looked over my shoulder at him, my hands submerged into the rapidly dirtying sink water and met his gaze. I felt surprise rear inside me, a trickle of suspicion filtered through before it was soothed into submission.

"It was cool." I dismissed, reaching for the towel, running it through my hands.

Scott leant forward, folding his hands under his chin. " You loved it. Admit it."

"I-I don't know what you mean." I denied, turning back to the sink and swirling the scummy water around.

"Uh-huh. Tell me what happened!"

"You sounds like a teenage girl, Scott. 'Oh, tell me what he said! How did he pronounce his 'Ps'? Oh, isn't he dreamy?' Bah!" I mimicked, my voice shooting higher than necessary.

"Dreamy, huh? That how you describe Yugi?"

"As if!" I chucked the towel in his direction, he dodged with a laugh

"You're falling again aren't you?"

I felt a wall in me slam up while the foundations of something else shook. I shrugged and looked away, my arms folding protectively around my body.

_Yeah...falling hard and fast...I've been there before...I know where I'll end up..._

"You are, I can see it." Scott insisted

"I'm not."

He sighed, a impatient, long suffering sigh that made guilt rise in me. But still I refuse to look."Don't lie Até."

"I'm not."

"It's all right, you know? We're not here to judge."

_Maybe you aren't but...Jamie...and Yugi himself..._

"I know."

His hands reached for mine across the width of the table. The contact made my eyes leap back to his face, searching for answers. I didn't like the suspicious, scrutinising look I found. Intimidated, I went to look away but Scott tugged on my hand again, pulling my arms closer to him and I looked back.

"What aren't you telling me?"

My mind raced, trying to find a way out of answering his question, while my face found a mask of innocent confusion.

_...Jamie..._

"Like what?"

Scott leant back, defeated. "I don't know, but something!"

I allowed myself to laugh. "I'm fine, Scott. Honest!"

"If you're sure."

The thud of heavy boots cut of my answer. I knew those footsteps, I knew the body they belonged to. Jamie breezed into the kitchen, confidence and swagger rolling of him. It took all my self control to remain seated.

"Hey guys! How's it going?" He greeted

"Hey man." Scott replied

I spared him a brief, curt nod and turned my back on him, pulling the dishes out from the cooling water. I heard Jamie sit down behind me, heard him speak to Scott. Their words washed over me, letters impossible to grasp, all I knew was that Jamie was too close to me. And foreign emotions were whirling inside, thundering into each other, I felt the tension inside. I didn't know if I was angry at him or afraid because of what he had done. I just knew I wanted to get away. I turned to Scott, a serene smile plastered on my face.

"Hey, Scott." I spoke casually, replacing the towel on the rack "I'm heading out. We're out of milk and it's not fair on Lucy if she always goes shopping."

"All right, mate."

I stepped around them, trying to keep my thoughts from finding my face. Scott seemed unconcerned, like he had already forgotten his earlier suspicions. Reaching the hallway, I sank onto the step and tugged on worn trainers. I didn't hear the footsteps behind me but I felt the hand on my shoulder. I jumped up and span around, a surprised cry escaping through my lips. My eyes narrowed as I realised it was Jamie hovering behind me. I moved backward, the larger the distance I put between us, the safer I felt. There was nothing in Jamie's eyes that made me feel secure.

"Atemu, mate...listen..." He reached out to touch my shoulder again but I jerked away, increasing the distance.

"Don't touch me!" I ordered, for a moment Jamie seemed to cower before me.

"Look, I'm sorry man. I messed up, all right?"

"No! It's not 'all right'. Just leave me alone."

I shoved past him and tugged open the front door. His arm shot out, slamming the door closed, barely missing my fingers. I turned around, anger boiling in me but he was closer to me than I expected. I jumped back, hissing when my back connected the door. A furious scowl marring handsome features as he leant closer to my face, trapping me by his arm.

"Move, Jamie." I demanded

"Listen to me you queer, when a person apologises to you, its polite to accept it." He growled

I rolled my eyes, the shock I had felt quickly turning into irritation. "Sure, whatever. Can I go now?"

He moved to his hand to my chest, his fingers smoothing down the cotton of my shirt and brushing of lint I couldn't see. He pulled himself away from me, a gentle smile on his face.

"Have a good day, Atemu. I'm sorry about my behaviour."

Then he turned and disappeared down the hallway. I blinked after him, uncertain and uncomfortable. The shadows that made up the darkness bristled and hissed, swirling around me and wafting into rooms. They echoed my feelings, pulsing with aggression. They followed me when I stalked out of the apartment, trying to appease me and calm wired senses. But my wild, furious mind shocked them into silence.

I couldn't make sense of Jamie and his cryptic messages.

_...You're afraid to find out...coward..._

_Yugi...I...think I... ?... you_

_I think I used to know the missing word...once upon a dream..._

The supermarket was a haze of incomprehensible voices and squeaking trolleys. Children screamed, I heard them begging parents for material goods. A young woman nosily screamed at her boyfriend while he sheepishly hid his face. I walked aimlessly down the isles, taking packets of the shelves and placing them in the basket I was carrying. A pretty young girl with sea blue eyes, smiled up at me, dimples showing. I grinned back, causally she stepped away from her mother and stopped in front of me.

"Hello, little one." I greeted

"Hi! My names Molly. What's yours?"

"I'm Atemu."

"Funny name."

"I suppose it is."

I knelt down, she tilted her head, blonde curls bouncing and shinning in artificial lights.

"You have pretty hair."

I laughed. "Thank you, Molly. I think your dress is very nice."

Carefree giggles left her lips, she clapped her hands in delight, a small smile tugged on my lips. She span around, her dress billowing out around her, white material flowing. Suddenly she stopped and stared at me, innocent eyes staring into my blood red ones.

"You have sad eyes." I reared back in surprise "You shouldn't be sad. I think you're beautiful. Don't you love someone like daddy does?"

"I-I do..."

"Why are you sad then?"

"I.." She stared at me with innocent confusion "We had an argument and I don't know how to make it better."

"Why don't you say sorry?"

"It's more complicated than that."

"No its not. If you did bad you should say sorry. They you'll hug and make up!"

"You are wise for one so young."

She giggled again. "You're very nice. Will you be my friend?"

"All right." She smiled

"Molly? Molly!" A woman's voice bubbled over the crowd

I looked over my shoulder, finding a panicking woman hunting manically through people for the girl in front of me. I turned back to Molly, she was searching as well, trying to find the owner of the voice.

C'mon, Molly. Let's find your mum."

She smiled and let me lead her toward the woman. As soon as she saw her mother, she slipped away from me, yelling words through the crowd. I smiled and bent down to retrieve my basket when a gentle weight landed on my back. I looked sideways, grinning when I saw the blonde hair.

"Molly?"

"I just wanted to say bye- bye."

"All right then, goodbye Molly."

"Don't be sad. Talk and you'll smile again."

"Molly, don't annoy him." Molly's mother appeared behind me. "I'm sorry sir."

I straightened, turning to the woman. She was plain by attractive, the same bouncy blonde hair as her daughter.

"It's fine. She was giving me advice."

"She does that a lot. She'll be the perfect agony aunt."

I laughed. "I should go now. My friends will be wanting their shopping. Goodbye, Molly. Goodbye ma'am."

"Bye, Atemu!"

"Thank you for finding my daughter." I nodded and she fixed me with the same gaze as her daughter "You know, you have to make your own happiness. Give life a shot."

She walked away before I could say anything. Something inside me stirred and longed for something I'd long forgotten.

Or...maybe something I didn't.

How had a child made me hope again?

_Hang on...did I admit to being in love?_

After handing the bags of food over to Lucy and ducking out of a confrontation with Jamie, I retreated to my room. I pulled open the bedside draw, reaching inside and pulling out the three cards hidden inside. I sat back on the bed, smoothing out the ripped cards, memorising lines and colours, I used to know so well. Remembering the times I had with these monsters and how they became my guardians. Long forgotten battles bubbled into my mind, I knew each monsters attack. I'd danced a deadly waltz alongside them, known their masters.

...Loved their masters...

I turned to my mirror, the man looking back wasn't the boy who ran away. I reached up, running my fingers through the strands off my hair. This haircut is artificial, another layer, another mask. Still...I need it.

Just for a little longer.

_...Make your own happiness...Give life a shot...Take a chance..._

I rolled over and hooked the phone toward me.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Yugi. It's Atemu. We need to talk."

...

Ta-dah!


	22. Hearts break in love

Hello people! Another chapter complete.

Be nice- I'm sunburnt

Keep happy and reviewing!

Much love!

...

Tears don't fall.

Yugi.

Hearts break in love.

When I was little, a teacher told me homosexuality was wrong. She stood above me, a young, naive child and spoke of the hell I would suffer if I went that way. She struck fear and loathing into a imaginative mind.

"People like THESE," She flashed a magazine title in our faces. Innocent eyes blinked up at her, eager to learn about society, to understand why she was upset "These people are a plague on our society! They will burn in the fires of hell. Their skin shall peel and they'll spend the rest of eternity alone in agony! Do not befriend them children."

Why would she say things like that to a child?

..._Why did I carry her hatred for all these years?_

_Why would I allow her words to shape my reaction to Yami?_

_...Why wasn't I old enough to understand him?_

_I wish a thousand apologises would be enough._

Lying on my bed facing the ceiling, I frowned, letting history flow around my mind. A history that had been so perfect, I thought it would end forever. Until Yami started to fade away from me and I stopped understanding him. Frustration at losing him, feeling our link fraying, bubbled over and I lashed out at him. He doesn't know how many times I've prayed I could change the past. Change what I did.

He doesn't know that I spent so many endless nights crying with my face buried in his pillow. Lying in a room that no longer smelt of him. That no longer comforted me, only reminded me of what I had lost. He was never there to chase away the nightmares.

He doesn't know how much I missed him. I have a box filled with unopened presents for him at home. I celebrated his birthday every year, every Christmas I brought an extra present and hid them in my wardrobe. This year, I'll give all of them to him.

I rolled over and reached over the edge of the bed, pulling out the golden puzzle. I had kept his alongside mine. I could never bare to feel the weight of the puzzle around my neck and know it's twin sat dormant. My mind always felt so dead whenever I wore it because I could never feel Yami. He never answered to my cries.

Never...for so long he was lost to me...

_...He can't hear what my heart sings...what I'm only just beginning to understand..._

I want so much to give him the puzzle, to know he accepts me again. But I think another defence would kick in and he'd run from me again.

I weighed the golden treasure in my hand, my fingers tracing over familiar cracks and dusting over the tip. I balanced it on my chest, knowing instantly that it was my dark's I held. I felt something, maybe the darkness inside reach out to me. I soothed it, sending whispers of safety and calm through them. They curled back into uneasy slumber.

_...Someday, Yami...you'll be happy with me..._

_With me?_

Jou threw open the door, abandoning politeness by forgetting to knock. A sympathetic smile flashed onto his face when he spotted the puzzle I clasped. Closing the door softly behind him, he ambled across the room and sat down beside me. He too reached out to run a finger over the golden triangle.

"Yami's?" He asked

I nodded, moving it and placing it on the bed beside me. "One day he'll wear it again."

"Somehow I don't doubt that."

I smiled. Jou had an incomprehensible faith in me, in my ability to return Yami to us. Sometimes, he gets the same look as Grandpa. The one that says he knows something I don't and that he's all right with it.

"Thanks, Jou."

"Anytime."

"Did you want something?"

"As a matter of fact, I do." He turned to face me fully, his fingers folding under his chin. "Yugs, this might be an inappropriate question but if you could I'd like you to answer."

"All right. What's the question?"

"Are you in love with Yami?"

The wind lashed outside, pulling on my hair and biting against my skin. Frowning, I pulled my coat tighter around me, trying to turn away from the frozen fingers. Two hours had passed since Jou's question had been forced into the air between us. Shock had filtered through me momentarily stunning my mind. But as his words were processed I had laughed, it seemed so unlikely that my feelings had shifted that way. The bond I felt between us was a deep, unbreakable friendship. I didn't return Yami's feelings.

...Right...?

"C'mon Yugi. I know you better than you know yourself. You know I'm right." Jou spoke so confidently that I started to doubt myself.

With my head buzzing and my mind turning over new information, I dashed out of the house.

I flopped down on a damp bench, cringing when my hand brushed against the damp wood. I looked up into the grey sky, the clouds were bringing rain with them. There was no blue showing and the sun was hiding it's face. I stared skywards as if I was trying to pull an answer from the endless universe. My mind kept turning nonsense over and over again, merging it with the past. I tore every memory of me and Yami apart, trying to decipher my feelings, to find some hidden motive. I was looking deep inside myself, to a part of me I didn't know existed. Now my sexuality was in doubt, something I had always been so sure off. Now, I wasn't sure. There was no test I could do, no way of knowing until I had reached a decision.

Was I in love with my dark?

To love him went against everything I had been taught to believe, against a lifetime of spoken words. It was true that I felt something for Yami, I always had. I couldn't understand what it meant. I closed my eyes and leant my head back against the bench and scowled.

Do I love you?

When he left, my world was ripped apart.

It was worse than losing a friend or a brother. An icy, merciless hand grasped my insides the moment I realised what had happened, and had clenched my heart. I thought my life was over, all meaning was gone. I hadn't understood why I felt like that, betrayed yet so heartbroken. All these years something was missing. Not just half of my soul but the emotions that he brought.

_How do you tell when you're in love?_

_Is it when they're the only thought you have? _

_When one look at them sends butterflies erupting in your stomach?_

_The tears of the person you love punches holes through your chest and makes your soul cry out in grief. _

_Or...is it when you cry at their absence, unable to understand how they could leave you behind even though you know it's not their fault. _

_Its probaly when you find the courage to say 'I love you'._

I groaned, wishing I could grasp the answer, to understand something my heart already knew. Grandpa and Jou knew, something uneasy stirred in my gut. If it was so painfully obvious, how had Yami missed it?

Was I that much of a monster?

Or was he simply not looking because he didn't expect to find his feelings returned?

For years, I've wished I could hold him, keep him safe and never let go. Now I'd found him again, those feelings had intensified. I wanted to take away his pain, anger, confusion and a hate he openly unleashed on the world. I wanted to shelter him, to bring him back home, to where he belonged. Thoughts of his sent a pleasant heat around my body, a smile flickered onto my lips. He was the reason I had travelled to the city. He was the reason I had cried and he was the reason that my heart skipped a beat whenever I saw him.

He was my everything.

So...what happens now?

I jumped as my phone startled into life, with clumsy fingers I accepted the call without looking at the ID flashing across the screen. I felt a small amount of annoyance bubble through me. Who was this person to disturb me now? Just when everything was finally starting to make sense.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Yugi. It's Atemu. We need to talk."

His voice made the world a little brighter. Finally I understood.

"About what, Yami?"

"Can we just talk?"

"Sure. Where are you?"

"We could meet in the park. Is that OK?"

"It's fine. I'm already there."

"Why are you in the park?" Amusement trickled through his voice. I remembered that tone, his eyes sparkled and he smiled. I hadn't realised how much I missed that, I ached to hear it again.

"It's a long story. I'll tell you when you get here?"

"All right. Later, Yugi."

"Ok. See you soon."

He hung up with a click. Something in his voice was different, unrestrained. It seemed like he'd let something go, a chain had fallen away within him. Maybe, he was finally opening up to me and letting me back in.

A leaf swirled by me, caught in the draft. I watched it spin by in complicated turns. I stretched, wincing when I was unable to find a comfortable position on the wooden bench. Wooden seats were certainly not my friend. I looked up, a figure had appeared beneath the trees. I recognised the confident, regal posture. I stood up as he drew nearer, the light silhouetted him, he was beautiful. I was willingly captivated by him. He paused in front of me, his face portrayed no emotions yet I felt something bubbling below the surface.

"Hello, Yami."

"Yugi." I'd missed the way my name rolled of his tongue.

"How have you been since I last saw you...yesterday?" I rolled my eyes at my awkward sentence

His lips twitched into a smile, his eyes suddenly dancing with laughter. "Very well, thank you. And you?"

"The same...uh...fine!"

"You must have a lot on your mind if you are sitting here, in the cold."

"You could say that."

He sat gracefully down, seemingly perfectly at ease by my side. His crimson gaze stared up at me, calm and collected. They were still dark, secrets still hidden in their depths but suddenly he wasn't unreachable. He really was there at the tips of my fingers.

"Sit down, you're making me nervous."

"Oh, right!" I plonked myself down, uncoordinated limbs flying everywhere. A laugh rumbled in his throat.

"I come here to think sometimes, when it gets to noisy at the apartment. Whenever I need to be alone." He smiled wistfully, caught somewhere in his memories. The memories I could never have. Jealousy poked at my mind.

"It is beautiful. Why would you need to be alone, Yami? I thought you were happy here."

"I'm not happy, yet I am not sad. I'm content to be where I am at this moment. But I do not feel as though I can be here forever."

Right there, in his words was hope. Hope that someday he could return home with me.

"I'm not sure I understand entirely what you mean, Yami."

"That's all right, I'm sure one day you will."

We fell into contented silence. I pressed my shoulder against his, he didn't push me away and he body never tensed under my touch. He looked down at me, a small smile filtered onto his face. I grinned at him.

"Tell me something Yami. When did you meet Kyle? You'd never mentioned him until the day you left."

"You remember that day, when we'd had the argument the night before and I didn't go to school?" I nodded. _The day he told me he loved me _ "I wondered around town for ages. When I sat down he sat down with me and we talked. It was nice, someone who didn't know me. Who couldn't judge me. He gave me his number, said I could call him if I needed him. Then we...argued...and I called him. We meet at a bench in the town and we left." He ran a hand over the base of his neck.

"Why didn't you go to school?"

"Truthfully, I was angry but I didn't want to hurt anyone. I didn't want to make Mr Mouto more disappointed in me than he already was. I didn't want to say something that would upset you. As much as I was angry with you, you were still my aibou. That and Mr Andrews wanted to murder me. I never did apologise for insulting him."

"You caused quite a fuss in school when everyone realised you were gone. I think the teachers all felt guilty, that they should have seen the signs that something was wrong. People kept telling me it would be all right. They even put up missing person posters."

"That's silly." He mumbled

"I know. I told them not too, said you didn't want to be found but no one listened. You see, Yami, everyone missed you. There was even a hole in school without you."

"Don't exaggerate, Yugi. I'm not that important."

"Yes you are. I spent months trying to find you. I called out to you, even tried to get into your soul room a few times."

"I know." I looked at him in surprise. "I felt it. In here." He tapped his head. "I'm sorry I never answered back. I couldn't bring myself to face you."

"It's all right. I really understand this time."

He smiled, my heart skipped a beat and my hands started to sweat. I turned slightly on the seat and reached out to touch his face. He watched me cautiously but didn't pull away. I could see in his eyes that he was daring to trust again. He was hoping I wouldn't throw it back at him. I suddenly realised how much courage it must have taken him to call me first. I loved him all the more because of it. My hands touched his face, my fingertips cupping a porcelain cheek. He eyes were wide, I could see him wanting so hard to trust, to give me the trust I used to have.

"Yami...there's something I need to tell you." I saw a light in his eyes dim. He expected to be hurt again. I held his face more tightly. "Yami, I think I love you."

For that fraction of a minute, time stood still. Shock blazed in passionate eyes, before he clenched them shut. I rested my forehead against his, unsure of what his actions meant. My fingertips were suddenly damp. Concerned I pushed his face up. Crystal tears were leaking silently from his eyes. His expression was heartbreaking, he looked so lost yet I knew he wanted to believe me. But years of ice had left him unsure and scared. He was beautiful, something beyond a dream. But I'd never wanted to see him look like this. Never had I wanted to see him cry.

"Don't do this to me." He whispered.

I tugged him close to me, he offered no resistance. "I mean it."

His hands clenched at my shirt. "Please, don't lie to me. I'll break."

"I'm not lying."

He didn't answer, just sobbed in my shoulder. I hadn't realised how broken he was. How much damage I had inflicted on him. Suddenly I was aware that he never owned his own heart, I'd always held it in my hands. It was a fragile as glass and he was depending on me not to break it.

If anyone had looked in the dark corner of the park. They would have seen to men, barely older than boys, trying to hold the broken parts of their worlds together.

...

Um...too much too soon?


	23. The heart's war

Hello everyone! Thank you so much for your reviews, they just keep getting better! Here's the next chapter. I forgot to apologise for the lateness of the last few chapters, my bad!

Much love!

Keep happy and reviewing!

...

Tears don't fall

Atemu

The heart's war

_Love is giving someone the power to destroy you but trusting they won't._

I've gone over a million different scenarios in my mind, the exact moment when Yugi tells me he loves me after all. I thought he'd look frightened, worried I was going to throw his actions back at him. He didn't. He was confident, spoke with conviction and passion in his eyes. He wasn't doubting himself.

I imagined I'd be angry with him for some reason.

...I didn't think I'd be so deathly frightened I'd find tears in my eyes...

Something had robbed me off my breath when he uttered those longed for words. A vice had clamped in my chest and my pulse had started to race. I wasn't relieved, there was no weight lifted from my chest. I was afraid he was lying, trying to appease me only to rip it away from me when he got bored. I was worried he'd blame me for it. I didn't want him to hate me. I didn't want Jou to be angry with me.

But mostly, I was afraid this was a dream. That I'd finally given up and something inside me had snapped. Everything was so real. I could smell the toothpaste Yugi had used. The bench was to hard beneath me, splinters pointing through my jeans, pricking my skin. Someone was yelling in the distance, cars were roaring past.

And I could feel Yugi's hands on my face.

I could see the truth in his eyes. He stroked my face, smoothing away tears as they continued to fall, staining his shirt. Ashamed I pulled away from him and scrubbed my hand harshly over my eyes.

"What's wrong, Yami? I didn't mean to make you cry."

"Don't do this to me. Don't lie to me. Why are you doing this to me?"

He caressed my cheeks, warming them against the cold. He was trying hard to understand. Somewhere inside I knew my reaction was unreasonable. He folded his arms around me silently. It felt foreign, being held by him, being noticeably weaker. It went against everything I'd taught myself. Against years worth of sleepless nights and tormented dreams.

"Shh, Yami, please. Don't cry, it's all right."

"Why have you just worked it out? Why couldn't you have loved me four years ago?"

"I don't know. I was a silly, ignorant little boy and I never thought to love you."

"Didn't you love me as your dark? Was I nothing too you?"

I didn't understand where these words were coming from. They were not what I intended to say. I wanted to snatch them back before they stole Yugi away from me again. He didn't seem offended, he held me tighter against him, pushing my face into his shoulder. His fingers toyed with the band holding my hair in place.

"You were everything to me. You kept the bad men away, protected me without being asked and I know you never expected anything in return."

I sniffed pathetically, cursing my weakness. "I sold your soul to Dartz and brought you into the shadow realm."

"Mistakes, everyone of them. You're human."

"I tried to kill, Kaiba."

He laughed softly. "Who hasn't?"

A sob wrenched from my throat, I gripped the back off his coat desperately. "I'm sorry for everything I've ever done wrong."

"Be quiet you idiot. None of that matters. You were forgiven years ago. Please, stop crying."

On his gentle command my tears dried on my face, fears curled into submission. I made no move to pull away from him and he seemed to have no desire to release his grip on me.

"I've told you so many times but I wish I could rewind time and fix what I did to you." He whispered

I heard the guilt and sensed his remorse. That familiar feeling fluttered in my stomach, the one that told me that I too suffered from guilt. We'd made a mess of the last few years. But now we were desperate to fix our mistakes, trying to hold some part of us together. I drew back and rubbed my fingers against his frozen cheek.

"Don't feel guilty. I...I don't want you guilty. I want you to understand."

"Yami, listen. While I know I hurt you. I will never fully understand what it did to you."

"Why?"

"Because I am not you. I don't feel all your emotions. And also because you're keeping that link very closely guarded."

I smiled sheepishly. Glancing up at the darkening sky, I sighed. He followed my gaze, a knowing yet sad smile crossing his lips.

"I have to go now. Scott will be worried." My voice was oddly quiet in the dusk light.

"All right."

I looked at him, he was unsure, trying to hide that he was upset. But I know him, he cannot hide from me any more than I can hide from him. I pressed a chaste kiss to his forehead, a whisper of a promise breathed around us. He studied me, confused.

"I need time. Give me time?"

He smiled. "Of course."

I stood and turned, the darkness closed in around me. I fought the urge to look back.

_...You are not rejected, aibou...You surprised me that's all...I wasn't ready for you to confess...But I mean what I said...I need time..._

"Smile any wider, Atemu and your face will split in half." Scott commented, throwing a glance at me over the top of his computer screen.

I snorted, flipping through the pages of the glossy magazine as I lay with my stomach pressed to the bed. The colourful pictures and bold headlines did little to attract my attention, my mind focused on Yugi. Scott laughed at my reaction, I heard the clicking of the keys stop.

"What's got you so happy?"

I ignored him, faking interest in a article about men's health. Grimacing at the content, I turned onto my back, pillowing my head on my hands. I studied the cracks in the ceiling, finding where they merged into one.

"Atemu. Tell me!" He begged

"Shut up, Scott. I'm not going too."

He swivelled around on his chair, a gleeful smile on his lips. I groaned, watching as he drew closer to me and perched on the bed beside me.

"Yugi, right?"

I frowned, unnerved by his assumption. I shrugged, lifting my hands up to wind my fingers together.

"Oooh! That means yes!"

I turned to him in amusment. "You are such a girl."

"Asshole." He punched my shoulder playfully "But seriously, it went well?"

"Better than I hoped."

"Oh yeah?"

I blushed, his eyebrows shot up. "Not that good." I mumbled

"Shame."

I let my fist connect with his arm lightly. "I kinda flipped out on him though. Probaly scared him witless."

"Atemu, seriously you gotta stop that. Will you just talk to the guy?"

"I did."

"All right. And?"

"And I flipped out on him as I said. Damn, can't believe I did that!"

I pulled my pillow over my face, groaning into the material. Scott laughed, poking my stomach with a stumpy finger.

"Surely it can't be that bad. Tell me what happened."

"HetoldmehelovedmeandIdon'tknowwhattodo." I babbled incoherently

Scott blinked, struggling to catch up with my words. "Try again, Atemu. I don't understand."

I clutched the pillow tighter to my face. "He told me he loved me and I don't know what to do."

"Hold on a sec. He said he loves you and you're still not happy?"

"I guess."

"Jesus man, stop thinking and let it happen."

"What do you want me to do? Dance around and fall into his arms?"

"Hell no, that would terrify the kid. OK, tell me do you love him?"

"I think so." No hesitation stirred in my mind. I shoved away the fear and lingering doubts.

I thought I heard something crash to the ground outside the door. A whisper of a voice tickled my ears but Scott seemed unconcerned, so I turned away.

Scott thumped my back "So tell him."

"I need time."

He sighed "Sometime soon you're gonna run out of time."

"I know. But I need it."

Scott shoved away from me and settled in front of his computer screen. I lost myself to my thoughts.

_...All I ask for is time...Can you give me that?..._

I backed out of the room, Scott's straining computer silenced by the door. There was something wrong, a forboding sense that didn't belong in the house. I stepped on something as I went to move away from the door. I looked down, frowning at the broken shards of china. Lucy's favourite mug laid destroyed outside my door. Confusion settled on my mind as I swept the peices into my hand. It made no sense to see this in the hallway and I headed toward the kitchen.

_...Strange...I feel like I'm being watched..._

...

You like?

Sorry about the length.


	24. Suspicious minds with bonus chapter

**ATTENTION: JAMIE GETS A LITTLE CREEPY IN THIS CHAPTER! BEWARE EVIL JAMIE!**

OK! On with the story! This is a two in one chapter. You'll get both Jamie's and Atemu's POV.

Keep happy and reviewing!

Much love!

...

Lust is blood.

Jamie.

Look at him. Such exquisite artwork. An Adonis. I've never seen anything like him before.

I will make that body mine. I can live without the mind inside it.

He's made to entice, to stir that heat low down inside. He's a tease. He flaunts himself. Unknowingly, maybe. But still. I can take what's on offer, can't I?

The house is stone silent as I creep into his bedroom. He's stretched out, the moonlight dancing on his pale skin. He could be a fallen angel. He's so perfect. I stalk over to him, perching on the end of his bed. I lean over him, my torso almost touching his. The heat radiating from his body sends a shudder of lust around me. I can feel his breath against my cheek, I can smell his mint toothpaste. He still smells faintly of his cologne. He drives my senses wild. I dust my fingers over sculptured cheekbones and down over a strong jaw line. My eyes find the scar snaking his throat and jaw. Anger shots through me. How could someone damage such beautiful porcelain? My fingers are moving to trace his lips without putting any pressure. They're so soft and my hunger for him grows. I want him. His eyes are moving under the lids. He's caught in a dream. I watched enthralled, his slender fingers twitching, his lips quiver with words I can't make out.

Scott moaned in his sleep. A sly smirk slipped onto my lips. Protect him from me, huh? Just think off what I could do while you sleep.

My gaze moves down his body. His legs have become tangled in the blanket, pulling it down around his waist. In his dream state he's moved and his shirt has ridden up, exposing his sculptured chest. I let my finger lightly dance over the skin. He stirs, mumbling nonsense in his sleep and I freeze. After a moment he calms and falls into a deeper sleep. A contented sigh escaping him, he rolls away from me. I pull away, watching him for moments longer.

Who was Yugi to come and destroy my home? My peace? He'd given up his claim on Atemu long ago. Anger fizzled through me, sending sparks through my brain. There was still time. Atemu still hasn't decided yet.

He mumbled again and I lean forward to hear his words.

"Yugi."

...NO!...

...

Tears don't fall

Atemu

Suspicious mind

Something was wrong. The room felt wrong. Warily, I pushed the blanket back and stood. Nothing was out of place, the room was still...almost too still, like it was caught in time. Scott's heavy breathing barely reached me. I felt violated, intimidated by something that was no longer by my side. Something had happened in the night, I'd missed something. There was no one to tell me what had happened. I'd never felt more on edge. My eyes flashed to the bed, searching for something that escaped me. I found nothing but this only stirred unease in my stomach. I stalked around the room, focusing on corners that were easily over looked. The morning buzz from life drifted from the streets and from further in the apartment. I frowned, unable to decide what had happened. I could almost feel the ghost of something pressed against my body. A disgusted tremor shook my body.

"Atemu? What is it?"

I jumped. I hadn't heard Scott wake, I never noticed the change in his breathing. I jerked around fluidly. Scott's sleepy gaze met mine as I stood tense in the middle of the room. He looked around aimlessly, before flashing his eyes back to me and expecting an answer.

"I think someone was in here last night."

"Last night? Doubt it mate. You were probaly dreaming."

"Maybe you're right."

"Of course I am. No one can get in." He sat up and stretched, dislodging the covers that had clung to his shoulders. "Go and have a shower."

I nodded and headed into the bathroom.

_...I'm going insane...I think I can smell something different..._

I spent a paranoid ten minutes in the shower, constantly looking over my shoulder. I couldn't shake the feelings, the hidden eyes. I hurried to dress, I couldn't pull the material over my hips quick enough. I felt hideously naked and venerable. Once I had dressed, I crept down to the kitchen. I didn't notice Kyle in the hall until I collided with him. Embarrassed and annoyed with myself, I helped him up from the floor.

"That hungry, Atemu?" He asked, straightening out his clothes.

"Something like that."

He laughed and stepped aside, I sprinted past him. I had to get out of the hall, had to find a crowd of people. I tried to walk casually into the kitchen but I'm sure if it worked. The bubbling laughter of my friends helped to chase away the fear. Scott grinned at me, already seeming to forget my unease and tossed me a box of cereal. I paid no attention to what I was eating as I raised a spoon to my lips.

_I AM insane...Who the hell is watching me?..._

I studied everyone through narrowed eyes. No faces were turned in my direction, no eyes were burning into mine but I felt them. I swivelled around, checking over my shoulder but I only saw an empty doorway. Frustration poked at my mind, I couldn't understand my feelings. Nothing appeared to be wrong yet I knew it was. I shoved my bowl away and flashed my friends a smile.

"I need to go and look for something, guys. I'll be right back."

"All right." Lucy said, throwing a smile over her shoulder.

I stood and headed out the door. On reflex I turned around and my heart choked. Jamie was watching me with cool and calculative eyes, an expression on his face I didn't like. But it melted away and was replaced with innocent confusion and concern.

"Atemu? Is something wrong?"

I didn't answer, just hurried away.

_...He wouldn't...would he?... _

The door closed behind me with a click, shutting out the world for a moment. I pushed out my senses, uncurling the darkness sleeping in my soul. It stretched and shook away slumber and turned its attention to me. A shapeless form, captured by chains of light, I felt its twisted will to obey. I felt the shadows turn and pulse with power, my power. I felt the raw strength and the demonic spirit of the swirling darkness before me.

"Did something happen in here last night?" I addressed the restless spirit

"_...yes..."_ The warped voice hissed in my ear, caressing my face possessively.

"What?"

Childish laughter sounded around me. I felt its reluctance to tell, a whisper of fear riding through a being without emotions.

I snarled. "TELL ME! DO NOT DISOBEY ME!"

"_Yes, master...a man...with lust in his eyes and darkness in his heart...set foot in this place as the clock struck twelve."_

"Who?"

"_We cannot tell. Do not fear master, no harm shall come to what it ours."_

"Why can't you tell me?"

"_It is not our place to say."_

"Fine. Be gone."

The darkness I was breathing fell away from me, sunlight shone through the window. The shadows hadn't comforted me, just stirred the fear in my gut. That fear helped me to locate my link with Yugi. I sat and patiently knitted the fractured edges together. I dusted away cobwebs and soothed Yugi's dazzled and frightened light. The light of his soul rushed to me, frightened, demanding to know why I had left it alone. It hadn't understood, Yugi's soul was in agony because I had left. Guilt gnawed at me as I let my soul wrap around Yugi's.

"Shh." I whispered, the light purred as it listened to my voice and responded to my soul. "Don't fear, little one. I'm here. I'm sorry I left you but everything's OK now." I felt the relief and happiness radiating from the soul that was slowly merging with mine. "I need to talk to Yugi now. Can you help me?" I felt its reluctance, its fear that I wouldn't come back again. "Please."

The light danced away but I could still feel it hovering around the edges of my soul, soothing out wounds in my mind and helping to chase away the demons feasting on me. I smiled and slipped through the passageways that had once connected light and dark.

_/Yugi, are you there?/_

_/Yami?/_

_/Yeah, it's me./_

_/You fixed the link./_

_/You don't mind do you?/_

_/Of course not! I can't believe you did it! Oh, man!...Why did you?/_

_/Um...I...needed to know you where there.../_

_/Where else am I going to be?/_

_/I don't know./_

_/Are you OK?/_

_/Yeah. Yugi, how are you. I mean really, how are you?/_

There was silence, the light around me trembled slightly. I reached my darkness out to it and held it close.

_/It hurts. That you went away and I couldn't find you./_

_/I didn't think that you'd be hurting. I'm sorry/_

_/I coped. Really, I'm all right/_

_/No, you're not. Yugi, I can feel you. You're scared. Why?/_

_/Because I don't want you to go away again/_

_/I won't./_

_/Can you promise me that?/_

_/...Not yet.../_

_/I understand/_

_...No you don't...you don't understand at all..._

_/Wait for me. I have to go now/_

_/For as long as I can/_

His soul panicked when I retreated from his mind, it clutched on my consciousness. I soothed it, letting it hold onto a piece of my soul. I felt the mind link hum, I felt how contented and pleased Yugi was. I knew I had made the right decision.

...

What do you think?


	25. Beware the painted face

Hello everyone! I know it's been close to a year since I updated this: Sorry. This is a test chapter to see who actually still reading this after all this time.

This chapter is dedicated to tiger27- Thank you for your endless support and for correcting my ideas. I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint.

*Football=soccer or something

Keep happy and reviewing!

Much love!

….

Tears don't fall.

Beware the painted face.

Atemu.

There's nothing more human than the need to feel wanted and cherished. Too know that there will always be a light in the darkness. I suppose, over time, I forgot that.

Human instinct is hot and raw, animalistic and unreasonable. It thrives when the lights turn off and the music of the body pulses. It can be terrifyingly jealous and territorial and I know it's unafraid and boastful. I never forgot human instinct but I misjudged its ability to twist a person into a nightmare.

I glanced up at the footsteps echoing against the wooden hallway, absentmindedly twirling my pen between my fingertips. Scott kicked the kitchen door open with his foot, catching it on the rebound with his elbow. There was amusement playing on my face as he struggled into the kitchen, weighed down by countless carrier bags. With an exaggerated groan, he released the bags onto the table and let their contents rattle out. I grasped by notebook tightly to my chest as tins and fruit bounded past.

"You know, Lucy's going to kill you when she sees this." I informed him, distractedly watching the bags wobble close to the table edge.

Scott shrugged, unconcerned by the petite woman's wrath. "What she doesn't know won't hurt her."

I pointedly looked down at my watch and back up into Scott's smug face. "Better pick everything up quick then. She'll be back in five minutes."

The cocky bravado didn't dispel from Scott's face, he swaggered across the room and casually picked up rattling tins. I sighed fondly, clearing as space for me on the table and lowering my notebook to it. I flicked open the midnight jewelled front cover and ruffled through the pages.

"What are you doing, Até?" Scott questioned, pushing my wayward pen into my hand.

"Just writing." I answered, lifting the pen to swirl bold black lines across a clean page.

"Songs, right?" I nodded my reply. "You haven't done that for a while."

"I hadn't felt like it and to be honest I don't right now. I just needed something to distract me."

Scott fell heavily into the chair opposite me, concern blooming in his eyes. "Is something wrong?"

I thought there was a whisper of panic on his face but perhaps I imagined the subtle tightening of his lips and the tight fists his hands suddenly curled into.

"Nothing bad." I hurried to soothe his misconceptions, abandoning my papers for my friend. "Just a feeling I get sometimes."

"You talk in riddles too much, Atemu. What sort of feelings?"

"I just feel like someone's watching me sometimes." I confessed.

I knew then I didn't imagine Scott's reaction. Anger roared in his eyes, a wild thing, writhing and snarling. His back went ridged and his jaw locked firm. I stared at him in confusion, apprehension dancing inside me.

"Does it frighten you?" Scott questioned

I bristled slightly, crossing my arms across my chest. "Doesn't scare me. I don't like it, that's all."

Scott seemed to think through my words, weighing them up in his mind before he thawed and nodded once. He settled back into his chair, stretching is legs out under the table, playfully kicking my ankle. I dismissed Scott's repose as his overprotective nature.

"Aren't you supposed to put those away? Milk and butter are supposed to go in the fridge." I reminded him.

"Help me then." Scott ordered, pushing on the leg of my chair and making the frame shudder.

I clambered to my feet with a snarl of spirited annoyance and dragged a plastic bag toward me. The material crinkled underneath my grasp and coloured packaging spilled out. I scooped up an armful of biscuits and lively crisp bags and wandered across the kitchen. Stretching up onto my toes, I hooked open the cupboard and threw them in. I heard the fridge open behind me and the clattering of glass jars and bottles. Scott hummed gently under his breath, tuneless and wordless but comforting.

"Hey, Atemu. There's a *football* game on at the park. Wanna go?" Scott questioned, shooting me a glance over his shoulder as he methodically place oranges into the glass fruit bowl.

"Sure." I consented with a shrug. "When?"

"About three hours." I nodded, informing him that I'd heard and registered the information. "So, gonna invite Yugi?"

I span around to face him, surprise prising my jaw open and letting it hang. "R-Really? You don't mind?"

"No. It'll give me a chance to meet them all. Perhaps Kyle and Lucy want to come?" Scott's excitement was tangible and I smiled fondly.

"Yeah! You go ask them, I'll call Yugi!"

"Deal." Scott danced out of the kitchen, his feet slapping against the floorboards. I heard him call out, summon our friends to his side.

I dug my phone out of my pocket, surprised at how easily I dialled the number. I pressed it against my ear, balancing it between my shoulder my face as I tugged more groceries out of the bags.

"Hi, Yami!" Yugi's voice shone with delight, something warm stroked inside my mind.

"Hello, Yugi. Look, are you and the guys busy today?"

"Uh, no we're not."

"Great. Do you want to come to a football game today?"

"Football? What time?"

"Scott said in about three hours. Would it be ok if Scott and the gang came? They'd like to meet you without worrying about me."

"I think that would be a good idea. So where are we meeting?"

"The park."

"Fantastic! See you then! Bye!"

"Bye, Yugi."

I hung up with a click and slipped the phone back into my pocket. I turned back to the kitchen, jumping slightly in surprise to see Lucy hovering so close to me. I raised an eyebrow, smiling at the giggle that escaped her.

"We're going out? With Yugi?" Her eyes shone at the thought.

"Yeah. Sound good?"

"Totally! Should I make a picnic?" She inquired, innocent eyes staring up at me.

"If you don't mind."

"I insist."

She pushed gently passed me, reaching into an overhead cupboard and pulling down a large fabric bag. She sent me a sweet smile and ushered me out of the kitchen. I walked toward the sound of Scott's voice, hearing it harmonise with Kyle's moments later. I rounded the corner, seeing Scott leaning against the doorframe.

"So, you coming?" Scott questioned

"We both are." Jamie's voice answered, apprehension trembled inside me.

I pressed my hand against Scott's shoulder blade, stealing away his warning before he could deal it. Scott was tensed beneath my touch, I felt him lean into me. I stared around him, meeting the warm eyes of Kyle as he rested against the far wall and the cool eyes of Jamie, lying sprawled on the seats.

"Both of you are coming?" I echoed.

"Yes." Jamie's voice was firm, leaving me no room to argue. "Got a problem?"

"I never said I did. Get ready. We're leaving in two hours." I instructed.

I squeezed Scott's shoulder once, confused but silently reeling in his rambling emotions. Scott nodded his head once, blonde hair falling harshly over his face and I turned away from them.

_Jamie…don't you dare mess this up for me…I don't belong to you…_

Lucy danced playfully in front of us, tugging on Scott's willing hand as we ambled through the park, toward the pitch. Their laughter melded together in a song I hadn't heard for a long time, it echoed in the trees around me. Kyle strolled casually by my side, reaching up to straighten his dark glasses against the glare of the sun, blue bag swinging on his shoulder. I ignored the sulk on Jamie's face as he mirrored my footsteps exactly, always two steps behind me. I pretended suspicion and intimidation weren't swirling deep in my stomach and pushing on the boundaries of my mind. But fear had instilled itself inside me; I felt its long fingers embrace my soul. A shudder passed around my frame, despite the morning warmth. Lucy's hand slipped inside mine, pulling me forward with her, fingertips curling around mine. Scott's hand was comforting against my back; I glanced up in time to see him shot a glare over his shoulder. I followed his eyes, surprised to see Jamie staring back at Scott with malice and something close to hate in his face. I felt a tremble of warning buzz inside me; I wrapped a protective hand around Scott's wrist. At my touch, he looked away from Jamie and smiled warmly down at me. Lucy swung our joined hands between us, counting the stepping stones beneath her feet.

"What team are we seeing today?" I asked Scott.

"Uhm…The Wolves or Wolverines or something."

"You don't know? And yet it was your idea to bring us here?" Lucy teased playfully.

Scott battered an arm at her, reaching over to tousle her hair; she ducked away with a giggle and swiped playfully back.

"At least I got us out of the house. We haven't been out on an outing for months. AND I want to meet Atemu's other friends."

"That's right." Lucy enthused. "I really am looking forward to meeting them without snapping at them this time. You don't think they're upset because we yelled at them, do you?"

I squeezed her hand in mine gently. "I very much doubt that, Lu. Don't worry, they'll love you."

Scott threw his arms around Lucy's slight shoulders, she yelped in response. "They can't have her, she's mine! All mine!"

I laughed, watching Lucy slap a well-placed hand against Scott's head. He wailed in amusement, throwing his hands over his heart in exaggerated, bubbly movements.

"Oh, you wound me!" He cried.

I rolled my eyes at him before glancing away and focusing on a passing butterfly. Kyle threw his arms around my neck and pointed into the distance.

"There they are." He declared. "Under the trees."

I followed his fingers, smiling when I saw Yugi reclining in the shade of the oak trees. I increased my pace, jerking Lucy forward to follow in my strides, Scott's feet were quick and light against the ground beside me. I crossed the grass, my friends' shadows around me, burning with curious excitement. I stopped outside of their circle, smiling in satisfaction when heads swivelled around to face me. Yugi grinned, innocent and happy and gripped my shoulder in welcome.

"Yami! Hello!" His vibrant greeting was enough to make the world shine a little brighter.

"Hey, Yugi. Everyone."

"Sit down, Yami and friends." Jou instructed, patting the empty grass around him.

I nodded and slipped into place beside him, gently easing Lucy down beside me and felt Scott crash down heavily to my spare side. Kyle and Jamie folded silently beside him and Yugi curled back down to the ground opposite me.

"Introductions sound good? I questioned. I watched people nod to my words. "Ok. This is, Scott, Kyle, Lucy and…Jamie." Jou stiffened noticeably as he regarded Jamie through suspicious, hostile eyes. "Guys, these are my friends from the Kame shop. Yugi, Jou, Kiaba, Bakura and Ryou."

There was uneasy meeting of eyes and wary smiles exchanged throughout the group. Scott stretched out comfortably beside me, forcing his legs out in front of him with fluid movements. Perhaps his actions granted them permission and suddenly a friendly, welcoming air flowed around us.

"So, you're Yugi, huh?" Scott commented. Yugi nodded, a friendly smile on his face. "It's nice to be able to talk to you without screaming at you."

Yugi laughed. "I agree. But I understand, you were looking out for Yami."

"We're sorry we yelled at you when we first met." Lucy apologised, her guilt bitter in the air, I tugged gently on the hand still holding mine.

"That's ok. Lucy, right?" Jou soothed, a quirk of her lips confirmed the name. "We did barge into your home and demand to see him. We could have been more considerate."

"Considerate? You? Never." Kiaba's humour remained so distinctively different from my memories but a rumble of laughter swept around the friend's I thought I had left behind.

"Who owns that club?" Ryou questioned. "The Desert Rose?"

"It's mine. Built her up from scratch." Kyle boasted, pride blossoming in his eyes.

"It's incredible. I love the way you've set everything up."

"Have to admit though, was an awful shock to hear Yami singing AND realise he was good at it!" Bakura's compliment was mixed with weak venom.

"Thanks, Bakura. Really. You're enthusiasm never ceased to amaze me." I bit back my dry response, mirroring Bakura's smirk.

Jamie shifted in the background, his eyes fixed on my back, I wondered if he realised I'd sensed those eyes of his. But I felt the seconds his gaze shifted, darted away from me and swept across the circle and pinned onto a young man who owned my heart.

_Don't do it, you fool. Whatever you're thinking. Hurt him…hurt ANYONE…and I will make you pay…_

…

I'm sorry it's so short. Review if you want longer X


	26. Perfect Day Calm before the storm

Hello everyone! I'm practically overwhelmed by the generous reviews. I didn't think anyone would be waiting for this story but you're out there.

Thank you so much.

Keep happy and reviewing!

Much love!

….

Tears don't fall.

Perfect Day.(Calm before the storm)

Atemu.

_I always believed that the past and present should never clash._

…_..That they dance to conflicting pulses and contain different faces…_

_I thought only heartache and suffering would be waiting where the edges touched._

…_But…I'm here…now…In the middle…_

_Past and present flowing together to make my future._

…_AND, I feel…safe…_

_Until…I remember Jamie and the feeling slips away…_

I stretched in the midday sunlight as it haloed through the trees above us, casting pools of light against the ground. Behind me, the rhythmic chants of a football team captured my attention.

"Go, go Wolverines! Go, go Wolverines!"

I smiled, listening to the whoop of joy Scott let escape his lips. Lucy leant forward, spreading her picnic out on a lilac rug and swatting Kyle's feet away. Kyle grumbled in compliance and sent a warm smile at Ryou when he giggled softly. There was a whisper of pressure against my side and a burst of light in my mind. I glanced down, my heart skipping a beat to see Yugi pressed closely against my side, his face relaxed. I touched my fingertips to his temple in silent acceptance and his answering grin was dazzling. I caught sight of Scott's face, his eyes kind and sparkling in the light and holding hope and friendship, the endless support of a tireless friend.

"All right, everyone. Food's ready." Lucy's sweet voice collected our attention.

Jou leant across Kaiba's knees, hands reaching greedily for the paper plate Lucy was offering him. Kaiba opened one eye slowly and flicked his knees into Jou's gut but there was no force behind it. I didn't understand how the reinforced ice in Kaiba's heart had thawed. The Kaiba I remembered had been so unwilling to change, refusing my hand countless times. But his face was honest and carefree, there was no hostility brewing deep inside him. Kaiba and I were dancing the same beat, growing up and letting go.

I jumped slightly, surprise when Yugi pushed a plate of food into my hand.

"Hope you're hungry, Yami." He grinned and settled back down by my side.

I smirked, amused when I realised I had allowed my guard down. The sleeping dragon inside my mind paused a little, regarding the broken guard with curiosity but it wasn't afraid. A pressure released inside my chest, I breathed a little easier.

_Perhaps I can learn to accept you again._

…_I wonder…Can I learn to love you again?_

Jamie reached forward, hands groping for food and his seeking, devious fingertips brushed to close to my face. I jerked away from him, subconsciously backing into Yugi, I felt him steady my arms. Scott snarled from across the gathering, liquid fire in his azure eyes. Kyle's hand on his arm was restraining and confused.

"Watch where you're putting those hands, Jamie." I snapped, sliding away from Yugi's grip.

"Oh, I'm sorry Atemu. I didn't realise you were there." His voice was insincere, tainted and breathing malice.

_You liar. Why are you doing this?...Making me feel this way?...I thought you were my friend…_

I nodded stiffly, ignoring Yugi's questioning gaze and catching Scott's eyes. The blonde man frowned irritation and anger strong on such a peaceful face. But he complied with my silent messages and sank back down beside Jou.

"You know." Ryou commented suddenly. "You two look a lot alike."

He pointed at Scott and Jou, laughter bubbling from his lips. Bakura swivelled on the ground and stared at both of the blondes, Kaiba leant around Jou to focus on Scott. Yugi giggled beside me as Jou battered Bakura's hand away from his face. I regarded the similarities between my friends with interest but I could see the differences that made them unique. Scott's azure eyes were darker, born from the depth of the ocean, whilst Jou's came from the midday sky, high above us. Jou's angered fists had scared me, frightened me and sent me away but he had come for me, tried to find me and bring me back when I turned away. Scott had found me, rescuing me from my darkness and walked beside me.

_I finally see you. Both of you. Thank you._

"Mm." Lucy nodded, mischief bright in her eyes. "I have to say though, Jou is much cuter."

A wave of laughter leaped from Jou's mouth, tinged with disbelief and mirth. I watched Scott flounder in shock and a hurt that didn't touch his eyes. The rumble of laughter grew louder, different voices waltzing together and for the first time in a long time, I knew I didn't laugh alone. With happiness only I understood, I fell onto my back and giggled, my voice lifting into the trees and mixing with the air. My lungs burned for air I denied them in my joy, eyes stinging with tears that really didn't hurt. I felt my exhilaration, my sudden love for life, sparkle through my veins and feed a soul previously shattered and weeping in the dark.

_I thought I'd forgotten how to laugh. But here…I remember…_

I closed my eyes, focusing on the emotion once foreign to me, embracing the warmth in the pit of my stomach and the wings I suddenly found. Finally, my laughter faded away, melting into the summer day and I opened my eyes. Amethyst, pure and perfect gazed back down at me, I saw all the love and safety in the world and it was all for me. Yugi flipped my fringe away from my eyes, caressing my stomach as it convulsed in the after waves.

"Feel better now, then?" He teased lightly, his hand never ceasing its gentle caress.

I nodded against the cool ground and timidly reached for his hand. Yugi smiled, linking our fingertips together and I forgot about the world. There were a thousand unspoken words in his eyes, love, hope, regret, sorrow and I'd never felt more complete. I wondered if he could read my heart as easily as I could his. I prayed he'd see the words I wasn't strong enough to say.

"See?" Yugi questioned softly. "There you are. Not dead. Just a little lost."

He leant down, pressing his lips softly to my forehead, a gentle kiss of understanding. I smiled against him, the weight from his chest against mine a comforting pressure. He smelt of apples, ripened in the wild and earth after the rain, the same scent that soothed my nightmares. Despite myself, I snaked trembling arms around his back and pulled him down to me. He grinned against my neck, fingers smoothing out my wrinkled clothes.

"I love you." He whispered and suddenly I could touch the stars.

The answering words didn't know how to form in my throat, I felt them, bubbling inside me but they never fought to escape. I nuzzled his shoulder in silent apology, remorse hideously thick inside me. Yugi's sigh ghosted across my skin but the gentle squeeze on my bicep showed me he'd understood.

_/I don't hold it against you, Yami. In your own time./_

The universe was closer to me than it had ever been. I wasn't afraid to reach a little higher or hold on a little longer. Yugi gently pulled away, moving until he sat beside me and our hands were tangled between us.

"What?" Yugi inquired suddenly.

Startled, I lifted my head from the ground, peering into the faces staring back at me. The combined pleasure and happiness was tangible, dancing in the air between us and it was perfect. Jou smiled at me and the bitter tang of our fractured past suddenly didn't exist anymore. I could finally touch our trust and friendship again and I clung to it. Ryou's eyes radiated an innocence only a soul of light could possess and he glowed with pride and sincere love for his friends. I saw a beautiful, warm hope and contentment in the darkest of souls in the group; I returned Bakura and Kaiba's rare smiles. Lucy's hand was pressed lightly against my shoulder, reassuring and thrilled eyes met mine. Kyle stared down at me with the patience of an older brother, pleased and suddenly so proud. Scott's eyes didn't meet mine, he focused on Yugi, a message I couldn't understand in them. Yugi knew and nodded swiftly, his hand suddenly tightening around mine. But Jamie's smile was forced, painted onto his face with bold but wrong happiness. His eyes were too dark and foreboding, concentrating too much on Yugi before switching to Scott.

_Hurt them and I WILL hurt you._

Ryou crawled forward, stopping at my feet, I propped myself up on my elbows and stared questionably into his face. His lips quirked upward, stretching toward the smile and I couldn't stop myself returning it.

"I'm glad." He spoke softly. "I'm glad I didn't listen to you."

I surged forward, surprising Ryou enough to hear a yelp leave his throat and wrapped my arm around his shoulders. Ryou's arms encircled my back in a heartbeat, his chin hooked over my shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I was cruel to you. I was wrong. You're not a traitor; you're one of my closet friends. Forgive me?"

Ryou's arms tightened around me. "Of course I do. I forgave you days ago." He broke contact with me slightly and captured my eyes. "You were scared and angry. Just…don't do it again."

"I won't. Thank you." He squeezed my shoulders and folded back into his place beside Bakura.

"You are forgiven, Yami." Kaiba's voice commanded my attention. "For everything you said to us. For leaving for all those years. But…are…we forgiven?"

I locked my gaze with Kaiba, with an enemy I never dreamed I could befriend, remembering the spoilt, arrogant rich boy. But suddenly only seeing a man who had waited for me and followed me, even when I cursed him and spat acid insults at him. A man I didn't know well enough but wished I did.

"Yeah. I think you are…Seto."

Seto's answering smile would have charmed angels. He extended his hand toward me, I reached out and clasped his hand and took a bigger leap on the glass road back to them.

"Thank you, Yami."

Yugi's arms linked around my chest as soon as I sat back down. He held me tightly for a moment, his face pressed against the nape of my neck before letting me go and snatching up my hand again. I stretched out beside him, resting my head against his leg. A purr of contentment rumbled in my throat when his fingertips teased through my hair and massaged my scalp gently. Yugi's laughter was soft and bright and I couldn't believe I had almost let it slip away from me. I closed my eyes in the sunlight and sighed.

"Hey, I meant to ask. Why do you call Atemu 'Yami'?" Lucy asked, her question directed to the group.

"Yami is my middle name." I answered. "Everyone used to call me, Yami."

"But why do we call you 'Atemu' instead?" Her interest was captured and her questions harmless.

"Wanted a fresh start." I shrugged. "You didn't know me as 'Yami' therefore you now know me as 'Atemu' and its staying that way."

"I like, Yami." Scott commented. "It's different."

I raised a mocking eyebrow and stared at him. "And Atemu isn't?"

Scott flicked a crumb at my head, snarling when it bounced of my shoulder but I smirked at his acted outrage.

"Don't play with your food, Scott. It's bad manners." Kyle scolded

"Yes, mummy dearest." Scott squawked when Kyle roughly tackled him to the ground. I didn't stifle my chuckles.

"Yams. Can we talk? Privately?" Jou's voice was frighteningly unsure.

"Of course we can. What's wrong?" I couldn't keep the concern out of my voice.

"Nothing. Walk with me?"

I pushed myself away from the ground, letting Yugi's hand fall away from me. Jou waited for me at the border of our friends and walked in step with me as we moved away. The trees swayed overhead, breath taking and lush. Jou flopped down onto a grass bank, hidden from view by a wooden bench, silently I slipped down beside him and turned my gaze to him. He didn't say anything, instead he twisted his hands together and pulled on fraying threads from his jeans.

"What is it?" I prompted gently.

Jou's gaze was nervous when he finally glanced my way, a hundred forgotten words and countless nights spent in bitter remorse stained the air between us.

"I'm so sorry, Yami. I think I'll be forever." His words were full of loathing and blame and directed entirely at himself.

"For what?"

"Everything. For hitting you and making you cry. Don't deny it, Yami! I know I did."

"But I already said it was all right, that I was dealing with it. You don't need to keep apologising."

"I do. You said you could never forgive me until I explained why I hit you and I was trying to word it in a way you understood."

I pressed my knee against his, while my heart raced inside my chest, staccato and anxious.

"Tell me." I urged.

"I am so proud of you, Yami. You kept true to yourself and told us. Okay, maybe during an argument wasn't the best time but we provoked you. I see that now. But I was so caught up in the heat of the moment and the anger. Let's face it Yams, I was so angry with you. Because I knew you were lying to us and it wasn't like you. I knew something was wrong but you weren't coming to us, you were running away." He paused suddenly, dropping his gaze to the ground whilst I swam in the guilt of yesterday. But slowly I was beginning to understand. "You lied to me. Skipped out on school and started fights when you were there. And when you finally told us what was really wrong I just reacted. Because it was something so small but it was tearing you apart. I never meant to hit you or call you names. I was sorry as soon as the door closed. I was going to apologise the next morning but you'd already left." When Jou glanced back up at me, his eyes were glistening with tears and his lower lip quivered. "I'm so sorry."

I reached out for him, sheltering him against my chest, my smaller body protecting him as he sobbed his guilt into my shirt. He clutched at my sleeves and I felt our broken bond snap into place and flare into life again.

"Thank you." I breathed against his hair. "I really do understand. I tried to tell you before but I never felt welcomed. But I think we were both looking at different times. We never saw the other."

"I have missed you so much."

"I've missed you too."

Jou broke my grip on his gently and stared with agonised eyes at the brilliant scar on my skin. I turned my shirt collar up, blocking his view of it.

"It'll always be there, Jou. Staring at it won't make it go away. But it can serve as a reminder of how strong we are together as friends. It doesn't have to mean what it does to you right now."

I waited for my words to click into his mind, I saw them fall into place behind his eyes and finally he smiled at me. We rose silently, Jou throwing one arm over my shoulders and leading me back toward our friends. As my gaze swept around the people sharing a picnic I frowned, faces were missing and I couldn't find them.

"Where are Yugi and Scott?" I questioned. I threw my gaze around again, panicked before I found Jamie stretched out under the shade of the oak trees.

"Walking and talking. Don't worry, they'll be back soon." Kyle reassured and I folded myself down onto the ground.

"What are they talking about?" I questioned, glancing around the park for them. "Where did they go, anyway?"

"I don't really know what they're talking about but I could make a guess. They headed toward the football pitch." Kyle shrugged

"You can make a guess? And you say I talk in riddles."

Lucy smiled. "I think Scott's playing the role of big brother again. Like he did when I invited Terry round that time."

"And didn't that go well?" Kyle mumbled

"Play the big brother? Scott's older than me by eighteen months! He doesn't get to be a big brother."

"Apparently he does."

I sighed and let my body fall backwards onto the grass with a huff, Lucy giggled at me and a rumbled swept through Ryou and Jou. A shadow fell over my face, I blinked whilst my eyes suddenly adjusted. Scott leant over me, smirking and playful. I felt Yugi sit down beside me and heard his voice address Jou.

"How'd the big brother talk go?" Lucy asked, her voice coloured by amusement.

"Very well. I think Yugi understands the rules and knows what time Atemu needs to be back by."

I lunged for him, tackling him to the ground but cupping my hands around his head, protecting him from the ground. Scott's laughter echoed around me as he scrambled out from underneath me. Scott's hands were so gentle as he punched my shoulder, there was no force behind it and he kept smiling at me.

_What do I do, Scott? Someday…I'm going to have to leave one of you behind…_

…_You're my best friend…But I love him…_


	27. I'll remember you always

Hello! Thank you for your reviews. Here's the next chapter.

Keep happy and reviewing!

Much love!

…..

Tears don't fall.

I'll remember you always.

Atemu.

I basked in the glow of a day that finally destroyed the shadows in my soul, where old had met new and fractures had knitted perfectly together. I stretched on the blankets of my bed, captured by the bright characters in the book I greedily read. I heard footsteps creak the floorboard outside my door and the laughter of my friends. I smiled fondly at them, the memory of their love and support. My fingers crept up toward my neck, reaching to a place they hadn't for years.

_A puzzle. My home. I wonder where it is._

I prayed Yugi hadn't destroyed it in a petty revenge for my announcement and cowardly flee. But I dismissed the fear just a quickly, disgusted at myself for even thinking it. I knew Yugi would never destroy my history or hurt me.

The bedroom door thudded open, I jumped surprised and my book fell through my fingers. I glared up at Scott as he threw himself down onto his bed and grinned lazily at me. I flicked through the crinkled pages, attempting to find the words I had been reading but gave up when I couldn't remember them.

"Today was awesome!" Scott beamed, linking his fingertips behind his head and peering at me over his feet. "It was nice to meet Yugi. He's a nice guy."

"He is." I agreed, levering my body up to meet Scott's eyes. "I'm pleased everyone got on."

Scott's smile was gentle and sincere. "I'm glad you're happy, Até."

I beamed at him, watching him roll of the bed and saunter toward his laptop. He swept a stack of papers onto the floor, disregarding the mess he made and collapsed into the chair. I wandered over to his side, perching on the cabinet beside him.

"What are you doing?" I questioned

"Just messing around."

I watched him flick through random websites and click him tongue at pictures that flickered onto the screen. My attention drifted, the tapping of his keyboard fading into background. I picked up a magazine resting beside me on the desk and fumbled through the glossy pages, skipping over curvy, bare skinned girls. My gaze darted over the bright, bold headlines that couldn't capture my mind.

"Hey, Atemu?" Scott asked suddenly.

"Hmm?" I turned the page and scowled at the dancing monkey advertising insurance.

"We're friends, right? Best friends?"

It was then I realised he'd stopped typing and was staring blankly at the computer screen in front of him. I dropped the magazine back down to the desk, leaning forward to peer into the face that he kept hidden from me.

"You know we are." He shuffled nervously on his seat, pressing his fingertips together. "What's wrong?"

"I just needed to be sure." He waved of my next words and turned back to his computer.

I frowned and clamped my hands on his shoulder, shaking him in encouragement. "What else? Don't lie to me, Scott."

He shrugged my hand away and didn't answer. Confused and slightly stung, I walked back to my own bed and open my book onto a random page. The minutes passed in silence between us, the only noise my crinkling pages and Scott's whirling computer. The strange silence stretched out between us, straining our usual comfortable silences. I hadn't understood Scott's questions or the snatches of fear I was sure I'd seen in his eyes.

"Damn it!" I jumped at Scott's curse, my heart racing in my chest.

I peered over the edge of my book, concerned at his behaviour. His head had hit his hands, fingers burrowing into his hair and gripping at the roots.

"Scott? You ok?" I inquired, shuffling of my bed to hover behind him.

"Yeah…Listen, Atemu. I'm happy for you, I'm thrilled that you're in love. And you deserve it. Don't get me wrong."

"But?"

Scott let out a humourless laugh. "You're going to make me say it, aren't you? I'm happy for you." He repeated. "But I don't want to have to say goodbye."

"Why would you be saying goodbye?" I questioned fearfully, reaching out to tug on his shirt sleeve.

"I don't want Yugi to take away my best friend."

I scowled and swivelled Scott's chair around to face me. He blinked in surprise and gapped unattractively at me. I pressed both my palms against his shoulders and knew I had his attention when he swallowed.

"No." I growled. "He's not going to 'take me away.' You're my best friend, Scott. I'm not giving you up because I happen to be talking to Yugi again."

Scott mumbled something I couldn't hear and stared down at his feet, jaw locked stubbornly.

"But what about when you have to move back? Yugi can't stay here and I know you'll follow him."

I frowned in annoyance, lifting a hand to flick it against his forehead. "Who says that'll happen or it'll be anytime soon?" I countered

"I know it will. I'm not an idiot, Atemu. You'll go wherever he goes."

"Maybe you can come back with me?" I offered him, thrilled when his face lit up.

"Really? You'd let me?" He squeaked

I nodded. "Sure. I know the others won't mind."

Scott surged forward from his chair with a speed that startled me and threw his arms around my neck. I let out a surprised, laugh and embraced him back. He let me go suddenly, crimson dusted along his cheeks, his eyes firmly avoiding me but a smile on his face.

"Thanks man." He patted my shoulder casually and sank back down onto the chair.

I laughed and nodded, squeezing his shoulder before turning and leaving the room behind me. I closed the door behind me, and walked down the corridor toward the kitchen.

"Atemu!" Lucy beckoned to me from behind.

I span around to face her, smiling as she rushed to a skid in front of me. She beamed at me, raven hair flowing out behind her.

"Hey, Lucy." I greeted

"Kyle says he wants you to work in the bar tomorrow. But he'll talk to you later about it."

"OK. Thanks Lucy."

I started to continue toward the kitchen but noticed Lucy's footfalls beside mine. She followed me into the kitchen and leant against the work surface and I snagged a bag of crisps from the cupboards.

"Did you want something, Lucy?" I asked, tearing open the bag and hooking out a crisp.

" I liked your friends."

"Me too." I agreed cautiously.

"Especially, Jou." Amusement flickered across my face but I folded my arms across my chest.

"No! Not Jou. You don't get to have him."

Lucy pouted and clicked her tongue at me. "But Atemu, surely you won't stop me from seeing him."

I tossed the empty packet into the bin and pulled out a empty glass, sticking it under the running faucet.

"Lucy, I'm not sure you and Jou are suited for each other."

Lucy stamped her foot, crossing her arms tightly across her chest. There was a glare in her eye that unnerved me slightly and I reigned in my laughter.

"Urm…Lucy are you sure it's a good idea? I mean what if it doesn't work out?"

"I won't know until I try. Please, Atemu."

"I'll…think about it." I offered.

Lucy seemed to be appeased, she squealed and wrapped her arms around my waist. "Thank you! Thank you!"

She pressed a kiss to my cheek and darted away, while I stared after her is playful confusion. Kyle laughed from the doorway, he pushed away from the frame and smile dancing on his face.

"I'm not sure what you're doing, Atemu but there are a lot of smiles in this house today." He commented

"What does that mean?"

"I've just gone past Scott and I've never seen him smile so much. And judging from the giddy smile on Lucy's face it's all because of you."

"I'm not even sure what Lucy asked me. I think she likes Jou." I frowned and shrugged. "Oh, Lucy said you wanted me to work in the club tomorrow. Do you?"

"Yeah. If you don't mind. Have you got any songs for us?"

"I'm sure I could find a few."

Kyle's smile was smaller than Scott's but shone just as bright. He nodded his thanks and darted out of the room. I washed the glass I had clutched in my hand and replaced it in the shelf. But in turning back around, I jumped again, hostility and fear bubbling in my mind.

"Jamie." I greeted coldly.

"You're friends are very interesting people, Yami." He sneered.

I stiffened "It's Atemu." I growled. "You're standing too close, move away."

But he disregarded my words and pressed his chest closer against mine. The edge of the counter behind me dug into my back and Jamie's breath fanned across my face, my stomach turned in apprehension.

"What's the matter, Atemu? Liking another man this close to you, too much?" Anger roared inside me and I shoved against his chest but he barely staggered away from me. "I like that Yugi. He's very sweet. So similar to you."

"Touch him and you'll regret it."

"Hmm. That's a little clichéd, isn't it? I thought you were above that."

"Move away from me, Jamie?"

"Or what? You'll call for Scott? Who's to say he'll be around forever?"

Alarm smothered me, driving logic momentarily from my mind, suddenly I only wanted to know it Scott was safe.

"Don't you even think about hurting him. He hasn't done anything to you." I snapped.

Jamie shrugged and finally leant away from me, giving me a pass to rush past him. I heard his mocking laughter behind me but didn't care. I darted down the hallway, my feet beating out a quick, rapid dance on the floor. I flung open our bedroom door with a force that shook our room. Scott jerked around, his eyes wide and surprised and pressed his hand on his chest.

"Jeez, Atemu. Trying to give me a heart attack?" He joked but I didn't rise to it.

I scrambled over the beds between us and stopped by his side, panting slightly. "Scott! Are you OK?"

"I'm fine. What's wrong?"

There was only puzzlement in his eyes, no pain or sorrow. He was concerned by my behaviour and abandoned his chair to stand before me and press his hands to my shoulders.

"I thought…I thought…you're OK?"

"There's nothing wrong with me. Really, I'm fine."

I allowed myself to throw my arms quickly around his shoulders and reassure myself that he wasn't hurt. But as soon as his arms touched me, I jumped away.

"I'm sorry!" I mumbled and dashed away, ignoring his summons.

The robotic, tone-dead song of my phone startled me and I scrambled in my pockets. I answered the phone without glancing at the name flashing across the screen. I pressed it against my ear and tried to soothe my fear.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Yami! It's Yugi."

"What's up?"

"I just wondered if you were busy tonight."

Something warm and pleasant fluttered in my stomach. "No. Why did you want to do something?"

"Yes. Yami, get ready, I'm taking you out to dinner. Dress smart and I'll pick you up at seven tonight."

"Dress smart? Smart casual?"

"Nope. You've got a suit?"

"Yeah?"

"Wear it. Bye, Yami. I love you!"

He hung up on me barely a heartbeat later. I stared at the handset for a moment before turning around and dashing down the hallway. I burst into our bedroom for the second time and frightened Scott enough to hear a scream escape his lips.

"Damn it, Atemu. Stop doing that!" He scolded.

I ignored him and rushed over to my wardrobe, tugging open the doors and throwing clothes over my shoulders.

"Atemu? What on earth are you doing?" Scott asked, amusement dancing in his voice.

"I need a suit! Where's that charcoal one?"

Scott batted away my fingertips and pulled out the suit from the darkness of the wardrobe. "Here. You'll need a shirt."

"What colour?"

Scott shrugged. "Why do you need it?"

"Yugi asked me out on a date and he said wear a suit."

Scott's eyes widen slightly. "So it's an emergency."

"Scott!"

He darted out of the room, screaming Lucy's name with urgency. I smoothed the suit out on the bed, frowning at the creases on the seams and searched for stains. I was examining the cuff when Lucy came bounding in, excitement on her face, and playfulness on Scott's.

"You're enjoying this aren't you?" I commented dryly

"As you're best friend, I take this completely seriously. Lucy, he needs a shirt that goes with his charcoaled suit."

"Hmm." Lucy tapped her chin. "Let me see what you have." She scurried over to my wardrobe, delving in deep and pulling out an armful of crisp shirts I didn't know I had. "One of these have to go."

She pulled out a powdered blue shirt and held it against the suit for a moment and placed it beside her on the bed. She took one look at a violent orange and tossed it over her shoulder. "You need to burn that shirt." She instructed.

I nodded but made no attempt to touch the shirt. She placed a dusted pink shirt on top of the blue one and folded a crimson shirt onto a different place on the bed. She flipped through the remaining green and yellow shirts and shook her head.

"OK. These are your options. Blue or pink." She held the clothes up for my inspection.

"Blue."

She nodded. "Right. What about your hair?"

I turned to the mirror above Scott's bed, it had grown out over time. I fiddled with the band holding my spikes tame. I looked at my friends for approval and they nodded, smiling at me. I slipped the band away from the strands of me hair. I ran my fingers through my hair and suddenly I was staring at the past. The dark spikes I hadn't seen for years, framed my face and I was caught in the past for a heartbeat.

_I'm back._

"Perfect." Lucy breathed, folding a blonde strand over my eye. "You look wonderful."

"What's the time?" I inquired.

"Six." Lucy answered.

"OK. Out! I'm getting ready in private!" I declared and pushed my friends toward the door.

Lucy giggled and danced away. "Get Jou's number for me!" She called.

Scott patted a wayward strand of hair back into place and smiled softly at me. "Don't panic, Até. It'll be fine."

I hugged him fiercely for a moment before letting him go and watching him follow Lucy down the hallway. I glanced at the suit lying on the bed.

_Yugi…I love you…_


	28. You know, I'm not afraid to love you

Tears don't fall.

Yugi.

You know, I'm not afraid to love you.

I fiddled nervously with the cuff of the white suit I wore, smoothing down the black silk shirt and fumbling with my tie. My fingers slipped around the fabric as it hung almost mockingly against my neck. I groaned in aggravation and attempted to tie it properly underneath my collar. Eventually, my hands stopped shaking and I secured it properly and winced at myself regardless. But I wandered over to the mirror hanging above the bookcase and peered into the murky glass for the tenth time. The confidence I had felt when I had informed Yami of our date had faded over the hours, leaving butterflies that swirled in my stomach and a fear I struggled to keep out of my mind. I patted my hair and stared at my reflection with a criticising eye. I flicked a strand of hair behind my ear and toyed with my cuffs again.

"Yugi! Leave that alone!" Ryou snapped, he strode forward and slapped my hands away from it.

"I'm sorry, Ryou!" I whined. "I can't do this. I'm going to make a fool of myself and Yami's going to hate me and then I'll spend the next four freaking years looking for him…again…and I don't like this suit. Why did you bring it with you?...Why are you laughing at me?"

Ryou smothered his laugh behind his hand and cleared his throat. "Have you finished panicking yet?"

I huffed in annoyance and nodded. "Think so."

"Great. Now, breathe and calm down. Yami won't hate you if you make a fool of yourself. He loves you. We're not going to spend the next four years looking for him because he isn't going anywhere. Duh! He's still here, isn't he?"

"Y-yeah."

Ryou smiled gently and folded my shirt cuffs back from my hands. "Just be yourself, OK? I really don't think Yami is looking for a perfect superhero. He's looking for you."

"I hurt him, Ryou. OUCH! What was that for?" I cried, reaching a hand to rub at the back of my head.

Calmly, Ryou lowered his hand and glared at me. "That was four years ago. Prove to Pharaoh that you aren't going to hurt him again."

I nodded slightly and offered the bubbly, silver haired man a shy smiled. "Thanks."

"Anytime. Now, Seto is letting you borrow his car for the evening and we've all chipped in and given you money for tonight."

"What? I don't want you guys to give me money." I protested.

Jou bounded into the room and waved his hand in my face. "Shush! We're depending on you to bring Yami back and get him away from Jamie. We can't have you messing it up. You take the money."

"No pressure then." I grumbled. "What's the time?"

Jou checked his watch and his eyes widened comically. "Time you went to pick up Mister Mysterious, Gorgeous Pharaoh."

"Did you really just call him that? Should I be worried?" I teased.

But Jou didn't appear to be listening to me and he pushed me toward the door, slipping a wad of rolled bills into my hands.

The hands on the clock crept toward the seven when I pulled up outside Yami's apartment in Seto's sleek black jaguar. I fumbled with the golden box I had hidden in the backseat and smiled. Insuring, I locked the car door behind me, I stepped confidently toward the apartment and rang the bell, hearing it chime within the house. My hand clutched a single red rose tightly, I was afraid off damaging the petals. Scott opened the door to me and I tried to peer around him to see Yami.

"You're early. I'm impressed. Atemu will be ready soon." Scott grinned.

I smiled in response. "I'd rather be early than late."

Scott nodded. "I'm sorry to ask you this but I have too. You love him, right? This isn't some sick joke you've got going with your friends, is it?"

I shook my head fiercely. "I love him. I won't ever hurt him again."

"You know what, kid? I believe you. I really do." I beamed, thrilled beyond belief that I had the blonde man's blessing. "Therefore, I entrust my best friend to you and must inform you that it's your manhood on the line if you hurt him."

I gulped loudly. "U-understood."

"Perfect." Scott turned back into the apartment. "ATEMU! GET A MOVE ON! IT'S RUDE TO KEEP YOUR DATE WAITING!"

Yami's footsteps echoed from deep inside the apartment, the butterflies in my stomach made themselves known again. My breath stumbled in my throat when Yami appeared before me and I had to blink back my tears. He was beautiful and perfect, dressed in a charcoal suit I'd never seen before and was almost pleased I hadn't. But his hair framed his face and reached toward the sky, blonde strands falling over his eyes. He was the ghost of a past I thought could never get back and suddenly I wondered if the future was more important.

"Hi, Yugi." Yami greeted softly, twisting his diamond studded earing through his fingertips nervously.

"Hello, Yami. You look stunning." I complimented, smiling when crimson dusted his cheeks.

I pushed the slender stem into his fingertips, keeping the thorns away from his skin. Yami smiled beautifully at me, it reached his crimson eyes and set his soul on fire.

"Thank you."

"Right!" Scott declared. Yami and I both jumped in unison but I didn't mirror Yami's glare. "Yugi, I want Atemu back by two at the latest. Understood?"

"Perfectly."

"Scott! You can't do that!" Yami argued.

"Yes, I can." He swept the rose from Yami. "I'll put this into water. Have a nice night, kids."

He pushed Yami toward me with a little too much force, sending him stumbling into me. I locked my arms around his torso and steadied him.

"Hate it when he does that." Yami mumbled, I laughed. "Where are we going? "I lead him toward Seto's car, watching his eyebrows shot up. "And whose car is this?"

"It's Seto's. We're going to the Diamond Cobra. Have you heard of it?"

Excitement was bubbling in Yami's eyes and he turned to me, surprise clear on his face. "The Diamond Cobra? How can you afford that? It's so expensive. I'll pay half!"

"Nope. They guys gave me this money with the strict instruction to not let you spend a penny tonight. This is all about you, my Pharaoh."

Yami slipped his fingers between mine briefly in thanks and smiled.

_Yeah, I love you so much._

The Diamond Cobra sent a golden glow onto the pavement outside. A stunning silver cobra with diamond studded eyes glittered above the door. I turned to grin at Yami, he mirrored it with one hand playing with his earring. I pulled his fingers away from it and held them tightly in my own. His smiled turned shy and endearing, a blush tickling his cheeks. But he led me into the restaurant with a confidence that I remembered. Gentle piano music trickled in the background as we entered, only a few tables were occupied and decorated with silver candles and black cloths. A waiter clad in a pristine apron strode toward us, a comforting smile on his face that almost looked genuine.

"Good evening gentlemen."

"Hello. I have a table booked. Under Mouto."

He opened a book on the desk beside us and flicked through it. "Ah, yes. This way sirs."

He swept his hand extravagantly behind him and gracefully moved away. We followed him at a sedate pace, Yami's hand still clasped in mine. The table we were directed to was private and nestled in the back of the restaurant, secluded and away from the other guests. A cold bottle of red wine was placed down on the table as we sat.

"From Seto Kiaba, I believe." The waiter smiled. "I'll get you a menu."

I smiled my thanks and he folded into the crowds. I switched my gaze to my dark as he studied the room around him, a peaceful smile on his face. The blue of his shirt complimented the grey suit perfectly, I had never seen him look so mature and there was a pang of sadness that I had missed it. Sensing my gaze on him, Yami turned to look at me with a curious tilted head.

"Something wrong, aibou?" He inquired softly.

"No. You're beautiful, Yami."

He ducked his head momentarily, I was captivated by the shyness I saw in him. He met my eyes again with a bashful smile.

"Thank you, Yugi. You look wonderful."

The butterflies in my stomach fluttered once and stilled in appeasement. Wounds on my soul cleansed and started to knit together. Yami reached his hand across the table and treaded our hands together, pressing our palms firmly.

"I'm glad you agreed to meet with me, Yami." I mumbled softly.

"I wouldn't have missed it, Yugi. We both need to put the past behind us."

I nodded gently, glancing at the waiter as he placed two menus down on the table. He left with a smile and a flitter of his apron.

"I had a lot of fun with Scott and the others. They're interesting people." I commented as Yami cracked open the bottle of wine and carefully filled up the glasses.

"I really didn't think everyone would get on. Lucy fancies Jou, she wants his number."

I laughed. "Really? She can have it. I'm sure he likes her as well."

"She'll be thrilled."

I picked up the menus, pushing one in front of Yami and smiled at him. He flipped through it briefly before closing it and pushing it away.

"What are you having?" He inquired when I let the heavy menu slam closed.

"Ribs. You?"

"Steak."

Yami motioned to the waiter and repeated our orders to him.

"What does the Seal of Orichalcos mean to you now?" I questioned, suddenly remembering the design tattooed on his arm.

Yami paused thoughtfully for a moment, swirling the wind around in the glass he held close to his lips.

"It doesn't mean what it did once before. Before you found me, it meant freedom, that I was strong enough to be myself and I didn't need anyone. It mean that I had escaped you and what you had done to me. But I know I hadn't. At least, not when I got it done."

I nodded. "What does it mean now?"

"That it's OK to make mistakes because they can be fixed if you try hard enough."

I grabbed his hand again and squeezed it in mine. "I love you, Yami."

Yami's eyes said everything his heart wouldn't let him speak yet. The thrill of the burn of passion and the warm glow of a rekindled love.

The waiter placed our food down in front of us and comfortable silence fell over us.

"I can't believe it came to that much!" Yami exclaimed. "You should have let me pay for some of it. I owe the others now!"

"You owe them nothing, idiot." I teased and linked my arm through his.

"You can't keep insulting me, aibou. It isn't very nice." Yami replied in amusement.

I rested my head on his shoulder as we walked, my free hand clasping the gold painted box tightly. We ambled through the park beneath the stars, the car parked in the deserted car park behind us. I let a laugh rumbled in my chest and felt a smile tug on Yami's lips.

"Would you ever move back with me? Back to the Game shop?" I asked but acknowledged the rejection before Yami answered.

Yami was silent for a minute, staring up at the stars above our heads. "I'd like to, one day. Am I really welcomed there? Isn't Mr Mouto angry with me?"

I span him around, framing his face with my hand and gazing into his eyes. "No. No one's angry with you. You're the only one angry with you."

Yami rolled his eyes but smiled softly. "I'd like to come back with you. But I can't leave Scott behind, I promised him I wouldn't."

An odd mixture of pride and jealously battled in my mind briefly. "Scott could come with us. Grandpa would love more life in the house."

Yami threw his arms around me with an excited cry. "Thank you, aibou! Thank you so much!"

I held him tight to my chest, his face pressed in my shoulder and his fingers clutching at my jacket. For a moment, everything was perfect and I knew paradise wasn't too far out of my grasp. Yami's breath was hot on my sensitive neck, I shuddered and felt his smirk. I threaded my hand through his wild, untameable hair, remembering the nights when this was the only way to soothe his nightmares.

"I missed you." Yami whispered. "I'm sorry I was so upset."

I increased my grip on him. "It's in the past, Yami. Don't worry about it."

He hummed in contentment and I glanced up toward the sky, smiling and thanking a being I couldn't imagine for the man in my arms. I pressed my lips to his temple and he relaxed even more in my arms.

"What's in the box, Yugi? You haven't put it down."

"Let's sit down." We folded ourselves down onto the damp grass, ignoring the evening dew. I placed the box on Yami's lap and smiled gently at him. "It's for you. Don't be afraid when you open it. You don't have to keep it but it needs to be with you again."

Yami stared down wordlessly at the box he held before glancing at me, I nodded.

_/I can sense something…old…like me…what is it?/_

"Open it." I prompted.

Yami slipped his nails underneath the tape holding it closed and broke the seal. I held my breath when he lifted the lid and peered inside. Yami froze, his eyes widening and his mouth falling open. There was something magical about reuniting the puzzle with its master and igniting an ancient power. Yami eased it out of the box and cradled it in his hands, the gold reflected in his eyes and I swallowed my sudden tears.

"Y-Yugi…it's my…my puzzle. You kept it?" He questioned with a wavering voice and I was thrilled to hear the love in it.

"Of course, it's a part of you. I couldn't get rid of it. It was all I had of you." He hugged the hard, metal edges to his chest and closed his eyes. I was shocked to see tears escape his tightly closed lids and glitter as they slipped down his cheeks. "Hey, it's OK. Don't cry."

"Thank you." He whispered and pressed his forehead against mine. "Thank you so much."

I just echoed his loving smile and touched my lips to his face again.

"Dance with me." Yami asked suddenly, rising to his feet and offering my hand.

"We don't have any music." I laughed.

He shrugged. "Think of a song and dance."

He laced his hand into mine and tugged me against his chest. I let myself mould against him and held him tightly. Yami was moving to a rhythm I couldn't hear but I was mirroring his footsteps and following the lead of his hand. He hummed softly under his breath, loud enough for me to hear it but it didn't destroy the stillness of the night. I trailed my hand down his back and smiled softly.

"I love you, Yami." I repeated.

"I know." He whispered. "I love you too."

…..


End file.
